Page 31 of 366

Drop of Tears

“I don’t think it will work between us” as she uttered those words to me.

“We’re different in a way that I myself couldn’t possibly understand it. You’re a good guy and perhaps the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. The problem is not you but it’s me. You’re far from me and everyday I’m struggling with curious feeling about you’re cheating behind my back…” as my tears started to welling. My hand was shaking in devastation by every words that came out between her lips; those lips that I used to kiss.

“I think it is not fair for you for having a girlfriend which keep on thinking bad things about you and it is unfair for my emotion to face it every single day in the silence of night” and she stopped; due her voice started to choke.

“I really love you and I do but at the same time I felt this feeling starting to fade because you are not here to assure, comfort me that you’ll stay and be on my side. Please, do forgive me upon what I’m doing right now is totally wrong and perhaps beyond cruel but I need to say this……” just by listening to those words, I burst into tears and I tried hard to control my voice so that she wouldn’t notice but from the end of the line, she burst out.

“Good bye…” were the last words he said to me before she hung up the phone.

Deep in my mind, I asked myself, “Why now”? and for the next of the remaining days between the exam period and the holiday, I’ve became “not me”.

Emotion and psychological burden upon what has happened has put me in nervous and emotional breakdown. I could not concentrate upon my studies because my mind would linger around my memories about her.

I kept on crying day by day every time I thought about her or seeing all those stuff that she gave me; a bottle of her perfume and one of her clothes which still have her scent. Just by looking at those, I’ll be stuck in the remaining memories and could not get out until I kill each one of memory at a time.

Perhaps we’re not meant to be together but it doesn’t stop the fact that we love each other and keep on making me feel the hope of being together again.

Being together……again.

Page 29 of 366

My Endless Love

A relationship happens when two person are in affection between themselves and decided, in order to prevent from loosing upon what they having, a promised to be exclusive for each other was made.

During the struggle to get our love ones, we performed our best in order to win their heart and when they do; slowly according to time; your passion and effort that you shown earlier, gone.

It is because we are secure about having them in your life until it doesn’t occur in your mind that perhaps one day they will leave you for no reason and in the end, you just not hurt yourself but also to those people who care about you.

And when you almost loose their grip, without you knew an interaction happened between the person that you love……and a person whom you did not know at all. Thus, insecurity shows up.

Hence, it will create an unstable relationship when one partner have this theory in her mind that her boyfriend doesn’t like her anymore just because she doesn’t feel an engagement happen.

Do not let the situation become worst by having them engaging more with the relationship-threat.. Talk and discuss upon which factor that each partner are lacking off instead of changing to a new partner which you did in the condition of desperation.

Because deep in our heart, we want to end up marrying the person who keep up making us laugh.

As assurance is important too, remember this..keep on saying it to the person you care about, “I love you”.

Page 27 of 366

Nothing beats the sensation of reading a book with a cup of hot coffee or chocolate. Life orgasm.

Page 25 of 366

Two Guys, A Girl and Getting Her Attention

You have met a girl; cheeky, cheesy, crazy beautiful girl; whom you flirt around during an occasion. Both of you had a meaningful conversation and has giving each other indicators of liking each other.

Getting her attention is the hardest part of initiating in a pre-relationship because in a girl’s mind, giving you her attention easily makes her looks cheap and easy; when it does not look that way to guys who want a fast result and fast delivery. They do not care what linger in a girl’s mind as they would only get the girl for their self intention. By showing effort and with the right way, you are not just obtain her attention but her trust too; as in the “World of Girls” are the most important element in their honour.

Since then, both of you exchanged numbers and other social network profiles; texting and tweeting becoming your daily routine. As you thought that you could bring her up to another level, you suddenly realized there is another eyeing upon her too and that guy is none other is a friend of yours.

Hence, you ended up standing in the fine line of dilemma; either you continuing with the progression or stepping aside, giving your friend a chance to go.

It is even much more difficult to the girl when she have to choose between to guys whom are friends and that terrible feeling that she would get when she actually tied a knot with either one of them.

Thus, the girl have to make a very concrete decision upon on which guy she would lend her heart too. Despite there are two guys who are currently show their interest towards her, she must identify upon which guy that gives out most effort; who call, text and checking upon her consistently; and momentum which does not fade. Therefore, if she decided to choose, the other guy will accept her decision and acknowledge the winner.

But sometimes, it is more complicated than it seems because you put almost everything important in your life at stake; friendship, relationship, romance; and you might loose it all.

Perhaps you can call “dibs” but by declaring it without putting any effort, the other guy would actually stood up front and do the hunting. Then again, calling “dibs” does not work that way.

The nature of a girl that would want a guy who can give her comfort, assurance and make her feel safe, are the major essential keys in which every guy need to understand. You just can’t simply game without the basic knowledge of a girl’s Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. When you actually realized and have the information at the back of your head, everything would be smooth for you; despite competition from other guys.

So, what both of them could do is being a gentlemen within the fair play game and puts out effort but don’t over do it as certain girls would easily being turn off if she founds out both of the guys gives out too much as it would create more jumble in her mind and being much more complicated for her to make up her decision.

From there, she would decide that she would walk out and perhaps choose another guy instead. In the end, no one wins.

Which is why, both guys need to take it slow but in a moderate face; not to be aggressive but being progressive to each other as they help themselves out to be a better man than before.

Personally, the girl should go to the first guy who initiate the spark and since he keep his feeling from being known to the competitor; which is also his friend; it is the responsibility of the girl to tell the second guy to step back and tell him that another guy is currently trying to know her well; without giving out the identity; which may cause a lengthy episodes of future drama.

Yet in the end, it is not about who is the worthy ones; but it is about who gives out the best effort and continue to give her even though both of them is already in a relationship.

Page 23 of 366

Nothing beats the sensation of over-long sleep during holiday and knowing there’s none to worry about; classes, assignments, drama, books, pens, notes and getting stress by lots of stuff.

Just you and every minute which you happily waste in order to be in that comfy bed.

No guilt.

Page 21 of 366

Early Marriage

Seeing you walking along the aisle in the most beautiful white dress I’ve ever seen creates the warmth inside me. My heart beat fast as you getting closer to me and underneath those veil, I could see your smile that you’re trying to hide behind the winter wedding flowers that you hold with both hands.

As your father handed you to me, I could see tears in his eyes ready to shed but he refrain himself and I could see deep inside his eyes fighting the urge to not to do so; not in front of his daughter’s biggest day.

“Here by, we are all gather to see the these two young lovers unite underneath the trees of hope, future and happiness….” words by the Reverend starts to echoed throughout the hall. We face each other and give a deep stare while smiling as our dream is coming true.

************************************************************************

I still remember the moment I proposed you two months ago.

It is during that time when you; along with your friends who were also my accomplice; were enjoying the evening strolling in the park and I hid behind the maple tree which was near to the bench that your friends plan to sit.

When you were seems to enjoy having a conversation, I dialed your number which I secretly change my name inside your phonebook.

As the sound of your ringtone was playing, you quickly look for your phone and straight away look at the screen to see whose calling you but you couldn’t guess who as it stated “Will you marry me?” on the screen.

I tip-toed towards you whom still looking at the screen and on one knee, I proposed. You were shocked seeing me kneeing in front of you. It was an unexpected moment as I could tell by your reaction. Despite all of that, the word “Yes!” came out from your mouth and we hugged each other tightly after I put the ring through your finger.

You gave me colours in my life, giving me promises that you would love me forever, taught me to be brave facing the love that I might lost, love me when I’m afraid to love and you don’t let me standing alone facing all the challenge.

Thus, I promised to myself that I would do anything to make you mine; even though it cost me to marry you in such a young age.

“I know we are young and people might think that we’re making the wrong decision but trust me; we are 20 years old and we have another 50 years ahead to spend our life with each other.” while tears running from your eyes when you uttered it to me.

After listening what you’ve said, all my doubt suddenly goes away.

************************************************************************

“…………and you may kiss the bride” came out like magic when you said “I do” with the shimmering tiara sparkle by the sunray as God’s sign giving His blessing to us.

My heart pounded as I uncovered you from the veil and when I finally sees you, our lips sealed in seven heart beats; we are and finally together. Your dad who was holding back burst into tears followed by other people in the hall. It was our memorable moment that I would play it in my mind always.

Both of us knows that our journey will not be pretty since we are still studying yet somehow, we feel that it will be fine along the way because we know we have people who cares about us and having each other caring for ourselves.

Time has brought our heart to be one; sharing the same dream, giving our best effort. I will love you for a thousand years and will love you for a thousand more; which I know you will too.

Page 19 0f 366

Date A Girl Who Reads

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent.  Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by God, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 a.m clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

- Tumblr in reply to You Should Date An Illiterate Girl

Page 17 0f 366

Everyday we go to different places; whether to meet someone or having vacation; but it is not the same as being and feel comfort in our own home.

Perhaps our friend’s bed during sleepover is quit cushy and soft but it won’t beat the feeling of sleeping in our own bed and wrap ourselves entirely with a big long soft blanket.

The sensation of going to the kitchen to make ourselves a breakfast while still in pajamas; ignoring the fact of our worst-morning-sleepy look; is the ultimate experience.

In other words; nothing feels like home.

Page 15 of 366

When you want to go to bed, what will be the last thing that you do before shutting your eyes?

Some people would make mind notes upon what things that they will do tomorrow and some catch up their reading before hitting the sack.

Some people would have a conversation over the phone and some people would take light snack before tugging in.

But the most special thing that most people will do is thinking about the person whom they care the most; even when the shut their eyes.

Page 13 of 366

Life is just like magical dust.

You can waste it upon matters which does not give anything great in return for you or you could use it to make the fullest out of it.

Don’t waste your magic dust.

Being The Best For You

I always think that you deserve better but at the same time, I don't want you to meet someone that's better than me.

- Yaya Johan

Seeking For Love

Don’t search for love. Don’t accept anyone who passes by. Don’t give yourself easily just because you’re lonely.

Hang on, be patient and don’t make yourself desperate enough to search for it; because love are not Chrysanthemum flower which you can found and pluck easily by the roadside.

When the time is right, love will come to you and by then, you will deliver your best effort.

How do you know that love is there?

It is when you keep on smiling for no reason, your heart pound faster and always exited when the person is there. In shorts words; you yourself will tell you.

Good things will come to the people who wait, pray and hope.

Don’t seek for love as it will hurt you more and the person whom just accepted randomly.

Enough hurting yourself but hurting other people’s feeling? It is non-acceptable nor can be forgiven easily. So don’t start to do it.

Don’t force yourself to be in love; make yourself to fall in love.

You As Everything

Let me be in your beautiful dream; so you could wrap me in your arms and spend our time with cuddle and kisses.

Make me as someone that you will miss with every steps that you take; as every steps away from me will make myself miss you more and more.

I couldn’t walk, couldn’t breath and my heart beat weaken when you’re not within my reach as I always being touch by you.

Let not this feeling to go away as I like the sensation of adoring you; without you, I will not feel time passes by.

You’re just like a song in my heart; on repeat but I would never get tire of it.

Do be an air for me to breath on as you’re the reason I’m alive.

Only you.

Fix You

Someone out there has lost their important ones; due to war, disease or accidents. As that person is matter to them the most that will create a hollow inside their heart. Someone’s day would not be normal again. There will be no one to be call ‘best friend’, there will no one to be call ‘brother’, there will no one to be call ‘father’, there will no one to be call ‘sister’ and there will be no one to be call ‘mother’.

Someone out there has lost their love; because the person whom they love decided to walk away, because they choose to be with someone else, because they don’t feel the affection no more. The feelings are terrible as burning passion becomes ashes and as the wind blow it away; the effect of kiln will remain as it try to heal but the surface will be full of unwanted scars, painful memories and shattered hope.

Someone out there has lost their path of life; their failure has caused them to fell down hard to the ground, their objective of life has depicted them as a person without future and people around started to walk away leaving them with no one. Failure caused my wrong decision, by misguiding attraction has caused them kneel to the ground.

Despite all of this, you need to get up, take a deep breath and say to yourself that you will show to yourself that you’re stronger than you realize. Perhaps it is easier said than done but remember, time heals. Things that was your secondary priority, turn them around as the main goal, the purpose of life and the things that you want to protect and cherish because you will might not know when it will be your time to leave, to walk away or drag by failure.

When We Kiss

When we kiss,

I could feel your soft lips touches mine, both your hands caress my arms while mine running through your hair and embracing the waist. We felt our warm cool minty breath by each kisses that we give, that we receive, that we cherish.

When we kiss,

The time pause; leaving everything, everyone freezes in time. In that moment, there is only you and I; we felt each other presence, each other existence, each other passion; that made us cursing breathing for letting each other lips go.

When we kiss,

Our lips unite our soul together. In a split moment, we open ourselves to each other; giving the permission to find the shattered fragments and mend it so we could know the answer whether we are for each other.

When we kiss,

We forget the world as it is only you and I, sharing the same kiss, sharing the same moment, sharing the same feelings and sharing the same affection; because when we kiss, it is only for you and only you.

A New Journey

Here comes the new chapter in our life; yet our mind still in yesterday.

“Hope” is such a magical word which could thriven a soulless person to chase a heart, a person who doesn’t believe about love starting to learn on how to earn it and it could make a person who have such an incredible life to be insane.

We hope we begin in a small step, without actually have to front sharp vines or stepping upon something which going to be hurtful and causing us to cry in agony. Perhaps we want to play it safe by trying not to hurt ourselves but sometimes the beginning is not as smooth as it seems.

In the new chapter, a relationship ended, someone’s love ones passed away and a person is in a painful moment. They don’t ask for it nor hope for it to happen because they want the same thing as we did; a good beginning; but their first chapter of storyline told them the other way.

As our new story begin, as we move further, we pray it will be a fantastic journey while searching that person that will make us says “You complete me”. As we stroll along, we pray, we hope and we work for it yet sometimes it is not meant for us. Alas, we will feel hurt again and scorching our way to the next page. At the same time, drips of blood will be our mark and by the time you know it, we want to return to the beginning, figuring a different way to going through the craziness.

In the end, we would prepare ourselves for the worst where as we should suppose to remind ourselves from the beginning; before we even started.