Page 335 of 366

The Chaser

There he was, recalling all the memories with a person whom he called “amour”. The flashback mix with the good and the bad ones started to make him choke because an urge of manly tears abrupt.

How he could loose her in the first place? He himself agree that in the early relationship it is about learning to understand about each other but as he learn he more, bit by bit, day by day; she decided to put off the spark.

Hence, left him with an empty dark gallows that a heart crumpled dying slowingly. He told himself to move on but the trace of her still live inside him; leaving the heart excruciatingly.

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Untold Silence

Some people enjoy the quietness when they sleep underneath a tree, when they read a book or just sit with their couple; doing nothing, say nothing. Just sitting there side by side knowing the existence of completeness. However, those are good silence which every person seeks for its serene.

Silence that could hurtful is when the person that you love, whom you care and protect chose to ignore you alongside with your existence. Perhaps it was caused by a mistake or things that you did which hurt them deep. Days and months have passed but no words, no mumble, no laughter; even a slighter smile; cease to see.

We sometimes tried our best to engage with them but they keep on pushing us and giving a response to do not allow us in their gravity. It is sad and the worst part is that you miss the person. They never told you the reason why the did it nor giving us a hint about what has happened. For them, there is no us. It is just you and me.

Once inseparable are now apart.

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Failure

As human being, we tend to stay away from failure and end up being disappointed to ourselves.

Most people would see it as a bad omen in their life; believing themselves would not get up and ready to face the world since the high expectation causing pressure upon the things that they are doing.

Why not we look failure as part of a normal life cycle? Everybody experienced it but what makes it different between other people are the level of failure.

The first level is where the failure is minor such as get an “F” for a paper in which it does not affect much in someone’s life.

The second level of failure is when it affect other people around you such as break-ups in a relationship where deep down, you know it would not be the same anymore between both of you. Awkwardness and silence will rise towards the progression of being  stranger.

The third failure is called the major failure where your life is totally being affected by it and you just cannot simply stop it from coming. When it comes, don’t you ever kneel on the ground as it would push you harder to by pressuring you up until at one point you may lost your mind.

There is a cure for all levels of failures. You want to know what it is? Easy.

“Look the glass as half full, not half empty”.

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Ego of the Past

It has been a months since you being left; or in reality, got dump after perhaps years of relationship.

Even though you have tried to accept it but your mind keep on rejecting the fact that the person whom you cared, cherished, has left you. Then, you closed your eyes where deep down inside hoping that they would turn back, running towards you and says that it was all joke. As your eyes open, nothing change and you cried as much as you can so the pain would be flow out together with the tears.

Past is a nice place to visit but certainly not a good place to stay as you keep on looking behind; glancing through the times when you were together, flipping the memories both of you went through and reminiscing the moment where your heart whispered, “I could never leave, not to this person whom I devoting my emotion, my love, my feelings”. By doing so, the heart which already in a serious wreckage continue to crumble and the sound of glass shattering turns into a bleeding melody.

In between struggling with the pain and trying to gasping the healing air, a new person walks in and reach out their hand to save you from drowning of exhaustion. While you’re in a big mess, that person decided to halt and trying their best to fix you.

They don’t care about your past, about your story, about yourself before. All they care is to attend you, entertain your rants, your problems and comforting you despite you talk about that particular person who left you and will expect the person who currently trying to save you do the same thing; walking away.

When you’re in that particular state; two things are happening inside you.

First, insecurity issue will rise up as you are afraid the same thing would happen again despite the person; who sincerely wants to know you and keep on reassuring that they wouldn’t do the same. But since you have been traumatized by the past, you feel reluctant to do so.

Secondly, since the past still haunts your mind, it made you still hoping for that person whom left you for good; either they go to someone else or simply doesn’t love you anymore; to come back and since you think it is your mistake on the first place upon the reason they left, you will kneel in front of them, hold and grasp tightly to their legs as you hope they won’t leave you no more.

By analyzing both of the situations, you would understand the reality of what you’re actually facing and phasing through.

Due to the insecurity which currently nurturing inside, you’ll be afraid of being left again and by instinct, you will close your heart from being touched by anyone who wants to try to win you over. The saddest thing is the person who currently saving you has been shut down by you from proceed through as he is halfway there.

WHO ON THE EARTH ARE YOU BY DOING SO!?

Yes, it is about your heart and feelings but it is not your right to deny the a single person chance trying to work things out with you. Everyone in this world owns a chance and it is within their right to give their chance to a person whom they keen; which in this situation is you yourself.

When they give it to you, do keep it in a good shape and when your done evaluating them and coming to a deduction that they are not the one, return it as what being given earlier on. By denying their right, you actually stop their chance from penetrating your wall and end up torn during the process. It won’t look as what it is and in this case, you ought to be blame.

The right way is by let them to put their chance on you despite you’re not ready. But, at least you’re giving them the chance to do so and if they fail, it was worth of try; which they will not be regret.

Another issue which will arise by having you constantly looking back. Snap out of it because the thing that you dream isn't going to happen. They won’t come back! What you’re experiencing are known as “Post-Relationship Ego” where you keep on seeing you’re still in the relationship and that person only walks away for a moment which at the same time believing they would come back plus believing it is not happening; that it is not real.

Thus, you don’t care if a person try to win you over because mentally, emotionally and psychologically, you’re crazy, obsessed and living in a dream. The trauma actually hallucinate you from seeing the real thing in which you will keep on dreaming about it until you decide to wake up.

The best way to get out of it is by giving the person who is trying really hard; putting so much effort to prove to you that they worth it; a chance.

And trust me, you will never feel the same way again.

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Two Guys, A Girl and Getting Her Attention

You have met a girl; cheeky, cheesy, crazy beautiful girl; whom you flirt around during an occasion. Both of you had a meaningful conversation and has giving each other indicators of liking each other.

Getting her attention is the hardest part of initiating in a pre-relationship because in a girl’s mind, giving you her attention easily makes her looks cheap and easy; when it does not look that way to guys who want a fast result and fast delivery. They do not care what linger in a girl’s mind as they would only get the girl for their self intention. By showing effort and with the right way, you are not just obtain her attention but her trust too; as in the “World of Girls” are the most important element in their honour.

Since then, both of you exchanged numbers and other social network profiles; texting and tweeting becoming your daily routine. As you thought that you could bring her up to another level, you suddenly realized there is another eyeing upon her too and that guy is none other is a friend of yours.

Hence, you ended up standing in the fine line of dilemma; either you continuing with the progression or stepping aside, giving your friend a chance to go.

It is even much more difficult to the girl when she have to choose between to guys whom are friends and that terrible feeling that she would get when she actually tied a knot with either one of them.

Thus, the girl have to make a very concrete decision upon on which guy she would lend her heart too. Despite there are two guys who are currently show their interest towards her, she must identify upon which guy that gives out most effort; who call, text and checking upon her consistently; and momentum which does not fade. Therefore, if she decided to choose, the other guy will accept her decision and acknowledge the winner.

But sometimes, it is more complicated than it seems because you put almost everything important in your life at stake; friendship, relationship, romance; and you might loose it all.

Perhaps you can call “dibs” but by declaring it without putting any effort, the other guy would actually stood up front and do the hunting. Then again, calling “dibs” does not work that way.

The nature of a girl that would want a guy who can give her comfort, assurance and make her feel safe, are the major essential keys in which every guy need to understand. You just can’t simply game without the basic knowledge of a girl’s Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. When you actually realized and have the information at the back of your head, everything would be smooth for you; despite competition from other guys.

So, what both of them could do is being a gentlemen within the fair play game and puts out effort but don’t over do it as certain girls would easily being turn off if she founds out both of the guys gives out too much as it would create more jumble in her mind and being much more complicated for her to make up her decision.

From there, she would decide that she would walk out and perhaps choose another guy instead. In the end, no one wins.

Which is why, both guys need to take it slow but in a moderate face; not to be aggressive but being progressive to each other as they help themselves out to be a better man than before.

Personally, the girl should go to the first guy who initiate the spark and since he keep his feeling from being known to the competitor; which is also his friend; it is the responsibility of the girl to tell the second guy to step back and tell him that another guy is currently trying to know her well; without giving out the identity; which may cause a lengthy episodes of future drama.

Yet in the end, it is not about who is the worthy ones; but it is about who gives out the best effort and continue to give her even though both of them is already in a relationship.

Need of A Second Heartbeat

It was a chill morning as I walk to the park and look down upon the brown pavement as my mind was clenching to my memory’s Pandora. Remember? We used to be here every weekend; spending a day just to ourselves, holding each other’s hand and talk about what both of us had been gone through.

We would walk slowly as we don’t want to miss every second that has passed by. The bench which we would usually sit always there; waiting for us as I would lean to your side, holding your arms and we would just sat there; no words, no sound. Just you and I, sitting there in silence.

But it remain as memories for you have left me without telling what I did wrong for paying the price of loosing you.

I grabbed,hold on and told you that I won’t let you go as you meant everything to me; for I cried and the heat of my tears touches your skin. Never, as I far as I can remember that I did something which could hurt you in a way that you made you left me.

“That feeling, those passion, the love towards you; I feel no more. You’re such a good person; you are; but I can’t force myself to love you when I don’t anymore as it would be cruel for me to do so. I hope that one day, you will be with a person who love you more than I did and you deserve a person more than I am” for those words stroke my bleeding heart, tearing up a hole deep to my soul.

Months has passed since my heartbeat stopped as I swipe the dead leaves on the ground with my left foot, thus leaving a trace. That very trace that I keep clear in my heart as I don’t want it being cover by the healing that I’m currently going through; hoping that you will come back and clean the bleeding wound as I will definitely want my heart to beat again.

That second heartbeat; you.

Pieces of Shimmering Light

You’ve been thrown, you’ve been pushed, you’ve been left, you’ve been dump, you’ve been crushed, you’ve been smashed, you’ve been torn, you’ve been beaten, you’ve been heartbroken, you’ve been used; thus making you less than what you were during your perfect moment, that now, has been turn into smithereens.

No trace of memories; even a bit of a cherish moment; all, has been disappeared.

Therefore, it is hard for you to accept someone who would want to undo all those pain; because you afraid that they will do much more worse damages, that they will do the same thing as the previous and that they will just come by for a while and left without a word.

But do know, be realize that each new person who want to know us deserve at least chance to be with us because everyone around us has the right to have one.

When they give you their chance, don’t push it away. Instead, accept it and keep it safe. If you see that it would not work, give it back to them as they can go to other and seeking the space of chance. If they give you for the second time, then it is your right to put in into a decision. Because first time is an obligation, the second time is an option.

As you who are already giving your chance to that person, don’t go flirting around because you have no more chance as an offer to others; as yours has been kept by the person whom you choose earlier.

In the end, those lights may not shine your space but at least those piece of chance shines your heart.

Closing the chapter of 2010

The new book will show itself any minute now; thus shows the curtain of 2010 will be closed.

Lot of challenges and tests that I have to endured trough out the year which I’m quite astonished to see myself was able to walk out with all of my limbs still intact.

2010 has really showed me path which I selected to choose. Sometimes, when I’m in doubt, I always see myself from another perspective to make sure in the end of the day no regret will come to me for making the wrong choice.

Of course, there are certain things that I haven’t fulfill so far such as travelling around Sarawak due to certain limitation that I posses. But it wouldn’t stop me from doing so in the future. The dream will be always continue to grow and it will be always evolve to make it better.

Thank you for my parents who let me did all the things in my way by supporting me financially. I always put the priority of study ahead of anything else even though I’m busy with almost everything and anything. Remember, parents’ blessing is important because without their blessing, you might end up doing all types of wrong moves.

Thank you to my lecturers who guide me all throughout these journey. You did fulfill your responsibility successfully by guiding and opening the door for us; to make me the proud as I can walk with my head held high. You did all the impossible achievable by giving us the ladder of knowledge which I climbed on to obtain the success by grasping hard upon it by years and finally, it is safely in my arms.

Thank you to my friends, who had pushed me all the way back; who convinced me to do something crazy and different. It’s because of you guys who influence me in peer manner which subsequently does influence the way I’m thinking and put my subtle into action. I do appreciate you guys who keep on believing in any activities which I plan and organize plus giving your full support by participating in those activities. From there, I know you guys have the faith and trust in me to do almost everything without being worry that it would be messed up. I do extremely believing in it.

Please do take care well of the Debate Unit. We fight, we won and we survive. I might not be around anymore but you guys along with the Debate Unit always in my heart; the nearest because you are part of my family.

Even with all my might that I possessed, I couldn’t have done all of the amazing things if it is not because of these people who really gives me their full fledge support to me; those two person which are important during my academic and life-experience study.

Thank you Miss L, for revealing my strength along with my weaknesses so that I can be better in future. Your way does really change me a lot and the peak is when Terrence and I successfully went to the final of Yayasan Sarawak World Style Debate Tournament 2010. In every explanation that you gave to me, it does create a hard imprint which I might say, quite hard to be forgotten. You’re the best and you will remain the best of the best from all the best.

Finally, thank you to my lover who shows me the meaning of true love. Time that has been spent with you will be cherish in my memory. And don’t to worry love, I won’t find another you over there. Till now sweetie, you will be remaining in my heart and in my mind all the time. I love you too much.

This is the closing of the chapter of 2010 and I hope that 2011 will bring a better way and a better excel to you and me.

I hope my new path in UiTM Shah Alam taking Bachelor in Mass Communication (Interpersonal) would bring me more great things ahead.

Until then, bon voyage.

The words and emotion

So it starts of unexpected.

You have mutual friends and add each other on facebook and msn. You get to know one another. It gets interesting.

Exciting. Fun. Numbers are added into phones. Text. Text. Text. Flirt. Flirt. Flirt.

You have deep and meaningful conversations and learn about them.

You begin to fall. You start dating. You fall harder. You are inlove. You hug. Kiss. Touch.

Life is great. You are in love. Can't go a day without talking to them.

Time flies. Things change. Things get rocky. You get hurt. Forgive, but can't forget. You love them to much to break up. They break up with you. You are shattered.

Life doesn't mean much no more.

You lost everything.

And it ends with heartache.

                                                                                - via Tumblr

Above words are the exact words of describing what I had, experienced and felt for the past six days.

For the one who’s I meant this for, thank you for everything. There will be no once who will love me like you do. Thank you once again.

Fasting

It’s already the 13th day of fasting meaning there is only another 17 days to raya.

Some how with the fasting period is going on, my schedule become hectic as the place that I usually went to; i.e canteen; can’t be visited no more.

Hence, it’s back to the most popular place in campus when it is Ramadhan, it’s lunchtime and you do not want to go back and fourths from the room. It is, the library.

People only want to get the aircond and as for myself, it is dating in public, baby!

I kept on going back home but it is not as often as last year because there is certain commitment that I need to fulfil for example test and a girlfriend to be satisfied. Sounds wrong, I know.

Tadarus as always and my aim to be at my 23rd time to khatam the Al-Quran.

Rahim would be going to Kuala Lumpur to fetch Rahmat there and I do hope that he is capable on to buy along the camera that I wanted so much all these while. The DSLR camera I mean.

I’ll be in my shit pants tonight because I’ll be having two test tomorrow; Land Survey and Economics.

Just wish me all the best, aite!

As strong as you were, as tender you go

It is hard for me on how to put these in words.

Frustration. Upset. Question. Disappointment. Crushed. Heartbroken.

Those are the things which plays in my mind right now. Even I’ve tried to find the answers along with the reasons, yet the doubt do not want to fade away.

It’s all began during the selection for the Borneo Cup 2010 last Monday.

After I just finished my class around noon, I bumped into B.J who said to me that there will be a try-out for the tournament at that night; he received a text earlier on. Along came Paul telling the same thing; he too received the message.

It was quite weird to have everyone being notified except for me but I just put it aside since I knew that everyone is trying to keep even  a single cent in their credit.

Earlier on, I thought that I would stay in the campus by Tuesday the very next day but due to the try-out, I have to go through the heavy rain in the midst of January to get my stuff at home and come back again to campus before 8.00 p.m.

Here I was; after being soaked in the rain, rushed to packed my none-complete stuff, go through the horrible traffic jam; in the room B430 getting all pump up, thanks to the adrenaline to give all my best.

Since it is an Asian Debate style; hence it is 3 vs. 3 people in that round. The debate start on the motion;

THIS HOUSE BELIEVES THAT GREEN TECHNOLOGY SHOULD BE TAX DEDUCTABLE

On the Government side;

• 1st Speaker (Prime Minister) : Yours truly, Rahman Sallehin
• 2nd Speaker (Deputy Prime Minister) : Yan
• 3rd Speaker (Government Whip) : Hando

Meanwhile on the other side of the bench, the Opposition were represented by;

1st Speaker (Leader of Opposition) : B. Terrence

2nd Speaker (Deputy Leader of Oppostion) : B.J

3rd Speaker (Opposition Whip) : Y.B Paul Racha

The adjudicators for the try-out were;

• 1. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Simon “Faizal Hakeem” Botley
• 2. Syed Nizamuddin Sayed Kassim a.k.a Swinburne
• 3. Sharifah Shazzea bt. Wan Akil Tuanku Abdullah (Yaya)
• 4. Jeff Johamson

Time Keeper;

Arthur Kulow

I, as the Prime Minister has set a very good and solid case indeed. Let me break it down to you on my case setup.

• Title :

• THBT Green Technology Should Be Tax Deductable

• Definition:

• Green Technology
• 1. Any technology that reduce the rate of carbon emission
•    during the production of a product.
• 2. Any types of method which is “environmental-friendly”
• Tax Deductable
• 1. Reduce the corporate tax
• Perimeter:
• Malaysia
• Problem:
• 1. Copenhagon accord has failed to meet 7 continue the Kyoto 
•     Protol.
• 2. Up to us (Malaysia) to make & start our own effort.
• Stance:
• To ensure the environment is protected from a long term effect for the sake of nature & humankinds. Plus, our goal is to reduce the carbon emission by 1/2 the amount during the 90s by 2050.
• Mechanism:
• 1. Reducing the corporate tax from 25% to 18% along with 
•    insentive such as a cutting from their utilies bill (water &
•    electrical bill)
• 2. It is open to all SMEs, big companies, plantations & factories.
• 3. Every company will submit an application form that will be
•     provided by Ministry of Enviroment (MoH).
• 4. After the form being submitted, inspection of the technology
•    and method will be enforce by the Department of Health.
• 5. A certificate will be given out to the company who meets the
•   requirements (refer to the Definition) and by using e-
• government, the list of the companies will be given to the
• Ministry of Finance & to the Inland Revenue Board (LHDN).
• 6. If any mishap happen, i.e they do not receive the benefit due
•    to unavailable of information in the LHDN system, they can
•    show the cert as a prove and LHDN will refer to the MoH.
• Points:
• Our step will encourage other nation especially in our region to follow our footsteps.
• Summary:
• I have said, mentioned and elaborate all the things that you need to know. If we do not do anything, we will put our nature in jeopardize and it will certainly will give a long-term effect to the nation itself. Hence, I beg to propose

That was my case setup. I have it all structured and gave the layout on what I would say to the adjudicators.

As for the opposition side led by B. Terrence, they came out with a radical approach (Simon Botley, 2010).

Instead by arguing the nature of the debate which is about principal, the opposition side has came out with an idea by giving a counter proposal;

• 1. Rather than deduct the tax, we give the companies including the international companies FREE TAX.
• 2. From there, they would use their profit to be invest in the R&D of green technology.
• 3. Thus, these companies can sell their green technology invention to other companies in the country by having the government controlling the market.
• 4. Government will adopt some of these companies (pre-GLC) and set up new companies which then the government would inject funding for the companies R&D of green technology.
• 5. It will act as a catalyst; by having these companies (reinvest 0% tax income & pre-GLC companies) as the first player in the green technology.
• 6.Plus, it would trigger the newbie to involve in the entrepeurnership.
• 7.The opposition has stated that they would gain back the money in 20 years time.

As you see, there are some fatal flaw in their arguments which my whip successfully pointed out. Kudos for that. For my DPM, she has done a very good job by giving out points on the reasons why we need to approve the motion even though she’s not that well in delivering speech but she could improve on that; job well done, Yan.

FYI, these try-out is for selecting the second team that will come along with the first team.

I swore that I just knew this thing when they want to start for the debate. As for the record, during the previous tournaments, I always being putted (assigned) in second group; hence I do not mind about who’ll be in the first team which they has already sorted it out.

In my mind, the first team would consisting of Swinburne and Jeff (duh, like obviously). As for the third person, I thought it would be either Paul or Terrence.

After the debate has come to an end, the time of truth were finally reveal.

Dr. Simon said that due to the misfortunate experience during the last Borneo Cup, UiTM Sarawak will be sending two adjudicators consist of Yaya and himself.

Afterwards, he announced the people who would be the first team;

• 1.Swinburne
• 2. Jeff
• 3. Hando

It was a bit shocking indeed seeing Hando in the first team but honestly, I do not mind due to the fact that Hando is a really good whip and having him with Swinburne; who is the best 1st speaker; alongside with Jeff; fantastic 2nd speaker; I personally think that it is a very dynamic team indeed. For that matter, I rest my case upon it.

Having the expectation and those excitement rumbling in my chest, Dr. Simon announced the names for the second team.

• 1. B. Terrence
• 2. Paul Racha

And by then he said something which makes my feeling starting not to feel good.

“Now, this may upset some people but I hope you can take this thing well. As for Yan, I’m sorry that you are not being chosen for the team due to the fact that you’re still lacking in delivering speech and we think that you need some more training.”.

Hence, it narrowed down to only B.J and me myself.

• .

• .

• .

• .

• .

• .

• .

• .

• .

B.J is selected for the third slot instead of me and the decision has been made anonymously.

The reason that has being given by the adjudicators to support their selection for the third slot is because;

1. B.J hardly involve in any major debate tournaments where as I already involves in some plus already acquiring many experience throughout the previous tournaments.

2. B.J has shown a lot of improvement compared to me which the adjudicators said “still at the same level”.

Now, I couldn’t argue more about point No. 1. Thus, I’m willingly stepping myself aside and having him in the seat. He deserves it and no hearts taken.

But, for the point No. 2, I hardly disagree with that statement due to the fact the adjudicators always seeing me debating where as for B.J, I couldn’t recall when the last time he debated.

In other words, if they want to make a comparison, please take standard of comparison and improvement when both of us; B.J & myself; last debating together.

For your additional information, the winning has fell to the Government side and I got the Best Speaker during the try-out.

Hence, taking the method of improvement from that night is not a really good way to determine the level of self-improvement due to the fact that Swin and Jeff has seen me debating less than a month ago compared to B.J which I think is more than 3 months.

Thus, the first question arise on the method by determining the debaters improvement method.

Now the second question arise on the selection of Yaya as the second adjudicator.

I myself earlier on questioning about this decision having the fact that she rarely come for debate training the also the question of her commitment towards the club last semester also can be brought up.

Even though she is the Vice President of the Debate Club but she was not acting as one. I remember what Swin said last semester on how he himself will be using meritocracy system of determining which debater will be coming along for any tournaments based on skills, self-improvement, commitment & presence record.

From here, I’m right now have a doubt in his meritocracy method which I fairly can question about Yaya’s appointment.

But there is no use to question these things right now as these people, these team would represent UiTM Sarawak and I believe that they will give their 100% effort to make things happen and come up with success.

Last but not least, this is my last chance to get a ticket for me to represent UiTM Sarawak in the Borneo Cup since this is my last year. Thus, the dream that I hope of can be fulfil and become true has been gone with the wind.

I totally respect the decisions. No doubt in that. I accept the judgement.

I would support them by giving any means of ways especially training B.J since he will be in the same team with Terrence and Paul.

All the best, guys!!!

Note: All the comments and thoughts is personally strictly from yours truly point of view and do not make any assumption on what has been said as my commitment in Debate Club is totally unquestionable.

Every bit of memory

I’m sorry to you guys for ain’t updating this blog in a while. Blame the exam and the paperwork that I need to do throughout the entire week.

Right now, there’s lot of things which are currently being playing in my mind. Either you like it or not, I’ll try to express every issue that I want to say right now and trust me, it can be quite personal.

=================================================

All this while those three girls and I were the most closest people in the group that I called “The Elite Club”. We usually have our lunch together with the groups and even when we finished with our class, we would have our tea time together or if it is already late due to night class or even a debate training, we would conjured together for dinner at the canteen.

But it lasted until two semesters only.

It all change when one of them started to have a relationship. Quietly and slowly, she become more further away from us. I still remember her quote saying that '”..I appreciate my friends more than boyfriend (if I have one)..”. Although she’s still hanging out with us but it only happen in a few occasion. Three times in two weeks if I my calculation is right. So it only left two of them together with me.

Due to a certain academic issue, one of them have to back off from the tertiary education. I was like seems lost for a while since she is the most closest girl with me. It like you lost a twin. So there is just one left.

And recently, I officially lost her due to the fact that she also start to have a boyfriend plus the previous girl whom return to the tertiary education also got herself a boyfriend which makes me……seems gone.

I dated so many girls in the campus but yet, I can’t recall on ANY occasion that I actually left them out. When I think of it all over again, I NEVER DO IT!!! EVEN ONCE!!! So much of the words that they uttered few semesters ago.

People do and does change. Yes, I do realise that but if the change gave a negative effect to me, I wouldn’t accept it. I’m a man of my word and I kept others promise; every single word that came out from their mouth; I do took it seriously. But since all three of them eventually falls to their own world already, perhaps I’ll just be an observer. See the situation and their life from afar and if anything bad happening to them, I’ll be there.

Yes, you and they could say that I already have so much of girls around my life. It’s true, indeed. But the feeling being around them isn’t the same as being around with you guys. Did you ever realized that?

I don’t blame the first girl-friend because she tends to go home after having the class. Where as for the second girl-friend, she already got a new circle with her; BAD ONES whom always influenced her to do something stupid; even she try to deny the fact but it is obvious. As for the third-girlfriend, she’s right now along with her boyfriend, as I see is leading towards to the “social outcast” status.

Why do I said that? Both of them try to control each other by not letting any guy or girl approach each other. I mean, even the boyfriend told off one of their male friend who actually helping those two to become a couple.

Love tends to make people blind and it is now applicable to the second and third girl-friends.

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For The Elite Club circle, let us see our journey down the memory lane throughout the semesters before you guys hit to pursue your degree.

Warning: It may bring back some issue

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On a separate issue, my parents would not allow me to go to represent UiTM Sarawak in debate after the exam. They said it is not an academic issue for me thus is not important.

I said to them, “Well, do you expect me to sit at the house and babysit for this whole one month!? What do I gain? Nothing!!!”.

And my mum came up with what she thinks a solution. “Okay, I give you green light to go but don’t expect us to give you pocket money to go there…”.

And I was like……”What!?”.

I mean, there’s nothing is what I could a sense of pride in their voice of having a son represent his university in a tournament.

Why?

Because they think that having me as the only English speaker in the house tends to make me like an “Englishman-wannabe” and try to be in the category of trying to be an “up” person.

In their eyes, speaking English is just to pass the exam and other than that is just for showing off that you actually can speak English.

Luckily I already brainwash my siblings to accept English as a way of the communication in the house.

Yet, about the “no-pocket-money-if-I-go-debating-in-West-Malaysia” is still an issue from me. *Sigh*

Mengenang

 

Entah mengapa aku sekarang ni suka sangat dengar lagu 60an. Aku rasa aku perlu salahkan Kaseh pasal dia orang yang mula-mula mainkan aku lagu A. Ramlie sebulan lalu.

Pas tu, disebabkan aku dah mula ada private broadband (alaaa…part ni yang aku selalu lupa mention kat korang dalam blog. Nanti kalau aku ada masa, aku ceritakan eyk?), mulalah aku mencari site-site yang membolehkan aku download lagu lama-lama dulu.

Sekarang ni, aku dah ada at least empat buah lagu. Aku tahu sikit gila tapi lama-lama kumpul jadi bukit kan? Tambahan lak, nih time exam sekarang nih. Jadi kepala aku pun sibuk nak fikir menda2 penting nih. Janji aku kat Hana untuk dapat dekan semester nih mesti dijadikan sebagai alasan yang kuat untuk aku able pegang D.L semester nih.

I’m a man with my word and I’m able to do so. Jadi aku harap aku dapat tunaikan janji aku ni. Kalau tak, aku memang gila babi rasa bersalah nanti.

Aite! Tu sajer aku nak cakap kat korang. Karang, aku nak siapkan practical report aku yang dah 4 bulan tertunda. Sir aku dah warn dah. Kalau tak hantar, alamat terpaksa repeat la praktikal aku ni nanti.

Padan muka aku.

Raya Syawal: Sixth Day

I was led myself to a minor incident.

When I was waiting for my brother downhill, somehow there’s the tendency in me to play with the motorbike.

SO I PRESSED IT AND IT

LED TO……

I bump the motorbike to the white in colour wood and to know the impact effect, just observe the yellow in colour plastic bottle.

What it did to the bike?

 

THIS! 

 

Still haven’t get the real picture?

Let me gave you a picture from different angle.

Get what I mean?

And I end up finishing giving my brother RM70 of my duit raya to him to fix that things.

Yes, although he maintain his cool but inside he does went berserk.

And do what does it cost me?

THIS! 

 

Small cut and bruises to my legs than the cost of RM70.

It’s like what a Malay quotation alway said,

 

“PADAN MUKA!”

They are what is you

Friends are important. There are friends to hang-out, for group studying even there is friends for watching football together.

But the thing that I want to highlight here is the people whom you are mingle with.

Without you realizing it, the will reflect on what you will become. Either it will affect your attitude, characteristic or even your future path.

Thank God, through the entire journey of my life I’ve been stumbled upon people who really made me what I am today.

I was just an ordinary boy, thinking immaturely and always gave childish act or answer. You will feel astonish on how this bunch of people taught me the meaning of life; from my taste of music, food, place, ideology etc.

Unfortunately, not all of us as lucky as I am. Loads of them ended up with a bunch of bastards who only know the meaning of”LET’S ENJOY AND HAVE FUN 24/7” without thinking the consequences and the effect to their friends.

They taught you something which is really bad indeed without teaching you the good substance to make it balance; at least mine did.

It is really sad indeed seeing somebody that you really care so much change and it keep on changing themselves in the name of “Because they’re my friends.”.

Perhaps these bunch of people just sees you as a ticket to a goldmine or even a back stage package. Let see if you have those thing at the first place; would they actually want to approach you at the beginning?

Yet, lot of people when they meet up with new friends they tend to leave the old ones even without realizing them doing it. Giving an excuses such as “I need to care about my new friends feeling too…” isn’t acceptable especially when the old friends knew you way more longer than the new “ones”.

Hence, sometimes we must be aware of these matter because by choosing your social circle, it is either you end up JUST LIKE THEM or realizing it before it’s too late.

WEEEHUUU!!!! But….

Exam is all over but yet I’m not happy about it. Maybe to certain people you guys will be quite weird for my expression but the truth is; it is.

So far I have 3 papers at stake and with the result that may come out around June; I do feel really afraid indeed.

Why?

I already count; taking the probability of the worst, my CGPA will drop from above 3 to 1.89.

See my situation now?

So people, pray and cross your finger for me aite..

CONCENTRATE!!!!!

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?
THE INTERNET!
BLOGGING!
DOWNLOADS!

ALL KEEPING ON DISTRACTING ME!
GO AWAY!!!
I WANT TO LEARN!!!

MY FIRST PAPER IS ON THIS THURSDAY!!!
AND IT IS CTU211 PAPER!!!
GO AWAY YOU DISTRACTIONS!!!
GO AWAY!!!

Eye Twitching

Since Wednesday my lower left eye kept on twitching. I do have this back in the year 2007 and now it has return.

Old folks says that if our lower left eyelid keep on twitching, that means that we will cry and if the left eye end twitching, you will go through a bit of hardness.

Since I've been in a total-messed-up-trouble, I've been wanted to believe this superstitious believes; due to the fact what it has been state happened to me in 2007.

But then, there must be a scientific reason on why this symptom occur. Then, I found this:-

Eyelid movement = Myokymia

"Myokymia is; according to doctors;

A common condition where a few of the muscle fibers of the upper — or more commonly the lower — eyelid contract irregularly.
Myokymia is closely associated with stress, fatigue, lack of sleep and too much caffeine.

Treatment: Reduce your stress, get more sleep, nix the coffee, eat more bananas and B-complex pills. Throw in a couple of sugar pills for good measure. Save the cerebrospinal fluid exam for emergencies."

Credit to:- Mama Aina

So there you are. The scientific reason on why my left eye keep on twitching. Yes, I admit I do have a total-thick-gaban-level of stress, lack of sleep and I kept on drinking Nescafe' mild (the yellow sachet) until I stopped three nights ago.

With the exam papers fooling around (you can see me exam schedule on the right), it does really tense me up to a hiking mountain if I could metaphor it.

Thanks to my dear Baby (she really help me a lot in the case of reducing my stress), I'm not as stress at the previuos day but only when I have a quick glimpse of think about my stress issue, my heart will pound like crazy. God, I need to calm myself real quickly.

P/S: Even when I type this post, my left eye keep on twitching like crazy. And I miss my home...

Help me please...

I feel really scare right now...really scare indeed.
My heart's pounding like crazy since yesterday.
My mind couldn't think.
My concentration towards study are fading.
My God, please help me along all the way.....