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The One That Got Away

You and I; us.

Those are the only way to explain whenever people would ask about our relationship. We are friends but somehow our hearts whispered to our soul that we could not exist without each other. The magic almost trigger itself but we restrain the spark as we believe that both of us need to committed to the person whom we love; and being better partner for the another.

Perhaps fate would intertwine our soul together in latter future; and we do not deny about the possibility; as by the time comes; we will be ultimately for each other in better from compare if we have done so in ashes of time.

Drifting apart is not an option; unless an utterless mistake being done which shattered the crystal knot. Smiles has lost and tears everywhere; causing the sky lifting the rainbow to be return to heaven as there no more reason to be on earth.

You and I, us. The bond. The link. It is everything for me; and you are everything to me. But what am I to you....when you walk away.

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La Un à Avec Être

There is nothing more that you need in this world apart from having that someone who would be by your side no matter even though they have being hurt by you dearly.

Perhaps they would want you to leave them for a short period of time while mending their heart but when the time comes, they would be the first person who would be there; holding your hand tight in their grasp, a hug that would never be let go and whisper, “It’s alright; everything would be fine. I’m here for you….”.

Upon that one moment, your heart starts to fall its tears because your eyes refuse to cry, your soul sobs because your physical being trying to look strong and your mind tirelessly finding the exact words to express your gratitude because they choose to be with you on that precise moment rather to be somewhere or to be with someone else.

The one to be with.

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Secret Keeper

One of the biggest responsibility a normal being could care is trust; and it can be much more intimate when it is about secret that anyone should not know.

As a secret keeper, you have to keep on being conscious from every words that you utter up to the words which currently lingering in your mind. Once it is slip, there no turning back and the only thing that you can do is pray that the information would not be viral; or worse, affecting those person whom you protect with the secrets.

Friendship would be in jeopardize, lovers parted and broken families would emerge from the situation that you did not intend to happen on the first place; such being a Secret Keeper will face this risk.

Closing the chapter of 2010

The new book will show itself any minute now; thus shows the curtain of 2010 will be closed.

Lot of challenges and tests that I have to endured trough out the year which I’m quite astonished to see myself was able to walk out with all of my limbs still intact.

2010 has really showed me path which I selected to choose. Sometimes, when I’m in doubt, I always see myself from another perspective to make sure in the end of the day no regret will come to me for making the wrong choice.

Of course, there are certain things that I haven’t fulfill so far such as travelling around Sarawak due to certain limitation that I posses. But it wouldn’t stop me from doing so in the future. The dream will be always continue to grow and it will be always evolve to make it better.

Thank you for my parents who let me did all the things in my way by supporting me financially. I always put the priority of study ahead of anything else even though I’m busy with almost everything and anything. Remember, parents’ blessing is important because without their blessing, you might end up doing all types of wrong moves.

Thank you to my lecturers who guide me all throughout these journey. You did fulfill your responsibility successfully by guiding and opening the door for us; to make me the proud as I can walk with my head held high. You did all the impossible achievable by giving us the ladder of knowledge which I climbed on to obtain the success by grasping hard upon it by years and finally, it is safely in my arms.

Thank you to my friends, who had pushed me all the way back; who convinced me to do something crazy and different. It’s because of you guys who influence me in peer manner which subsequently does influence the way I’m thinking and put my subtle into action. I do appreciate you guys who keep on believing in any activities which I plan and organize plus giving your full support by participating in those activities. From there, I know you guys have the faith and trust in me to do almost everything without being worry that it would be messed up. I do extremely believing in it.

Please do take care well of the Debate Unit. We fight, we won and we survive. I might not be around anymore but you guys along with the Debate Unit always in my heart; the nearest because you are part of my family.

Even with all my might that I possessed, I couldn’t have done all of the amazing things if it is not because of these people who really gives me their full fledge support to me; those two person which are important during my academic and life-experience study.

Thank you Miss L, for revealing my strength along with my weaknesses so that I can be better in future. Your way does really change me a lot and the peak is when Terrence and I successfully went to the final of Yayasan Sarawak World Style Debate Tournament 2010. In every explanation that you gave to me, it does create a hard imprint which I might say, quite hard to be forgotten. You’re the best and you will remain the best of the best from all the best.

Finally, thank you to my lover who shows me the meaning of true love. Time that has been spent with you will be cherish in my memory. And don’t to worry love, I won’t find another you over there. Till now sweetie, you will be remaining in my heart and in my mind all the time. I love you too much.

This is the closing of the chapter of 2010 and I hope that 2011 will bring a better way and a better excel to you and me.

I hope my new path in UiTM Shah Alam taking Bachelor in Mass Communication (Interpersonal) would bring me more great things ahead.

Until then, bon voyage.

The words and emotion

So it starts of unexpected.

You have mutual friends and add each other on facebook and msn. You get to know one another. It gets interesting.

Exciting. Fun. Numbers are added into phones. Text. Text. Text. Flirt. Flirt. Flirt.

You have deep and meaningful conversations and learn about them.

You begin to fall. You start dating. You fall harder. You are inlove. You hug. Kiss. Touch.

Life is great. You are in love. Can't go a day without talking to them.

Time flies. Things change. Things get rocky. You get hurt. Forgive, but can't forget. You love them to much to break up. They break up with you. You are shattered.

Life doesn't mean much no more.

You lost everything.

And it ends with heartache.

                                                                                - via Tumblr

Above words are the exact words of describing what I had, experienced and felt for the past six days.

For the one who’s I meant this for, thank you for everything. There will be no once who will love me like you do. Thank you once again.

1st Syawal 1431H

First of all, Selamat Hari Raya Aildilfitri to everyone.


It has been the 2^nd day of Raya yet I didn’t manage to do my visiting yet. Perhaps tomorrow since there’s a lot of my friends asked me to visit them during this festive season. I will if my brother would take me there due I can’t drive nor bike.


All I can say that it is a dull Raya for me this year compared to last year. Perhaps lacking of a DSLR and also lack of friends to go out with is the main reason behind all of all this shit.


Taking into the consideration of lots of things need to be done after Raya; IDT, class trip, Yayasan Sarawak Debate Tournament and several test plus some subjects that I need to catch up; God knows how I will become next semester.


It must be start now or I will be left behind quite far away.


Lastly, to whom it might concern, I’m asking and seeking for your forgiveness if I ever hurt your feelings either it is intended or unintended.

Credit : Sinzmanual

Maaf Zahir dan Batin kepada semua pembaca The Black Label. Semoga kemaafan daripada anda semua akan memberi seribu makna kepada kita semua. Amin.

I’m sorry that I made you cried

She is among of the people that  I respect the most.

She is strong and a very loving person indeed.

Yet, my accidental mistake that I committed last week is one of my biggest sin ever.

If that guy knows bout this, he’ll kill me and resurrect me again just to kill me twice.

I didn’t intend to hurt her feelings. I’m the one who are guilty here; not you.

The feeling when her tears starts drop, I was being clouded by the most terrible feeling ever.

She is important to me and important to us, yet it is I’m the one who made her cried.

She’s just doing what I thought was thoughtful and I blew it.

A thousand words of apology doesn’t cover much of my sin towards her.

I hurt her feeling, I wrecked her heart. I almost taken her apart.

I’m sorry and even it takes me another hundred years to utter those words, it will not make up my big stupid offence.

Raya Syawal: Sixth Day

I was led myself to a minor incident.

When I was waiting for my brother downhill, somehow there’s the tendency in me to play with the motorbike.

SO I PRESSED IT AND IT

LED TO……

I bump the motorbike to the white in colour wood and to know the impact effect, just observe the yellow in colour plastic bottle.

What it did to the bike?

 

THIS! 

 

Still haven’t get the real picture?

Let me gave you a picture from different angle.

Get what I mean?

And I end up finishing giving my brother RM70 of my duit raya to him to fix that things.

Yes, although he maintain his cool but inside he does went berserk.

And do what does it cost me?

THIS! 

 

Small cut and bruises to my legs than the cost of RM70.

It’s like what a Malay quotation alway said,

 

“PADAN MUKA!”

Selamat Hari Raya To All

 

On this Hari Raya eve, behalf on my family and also myself individually, I would like to wish people out there Selamat Hari Raya Aildilfitri and maaf zahir dan batin if all this while I create trouble and mess things up during the entire of the year.

I hope with all the thousand apologies, it would make Syawal as the most best day ever. After all, it is the month of victory after we succeeded tempted the seduction from our passion and lust through out Ramadhan.

But remember guys, do watch what you consume tomorrow, okay? We do not want you to pump up your weight after you’ve been declining your waist size in the fasting month.

And once again, Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Saman oh saman

On the way aku ngan kawan2 aku nak pergi ke Kuching; PUKIMAK!!!! JPJ BUAT ROADBLOCK!!!!

Hati aku cuma sebut perkataan ni jer..."Fuck, shit, damn. Fuck, shit, damn..." berulang-kali sampaikan macam jadi sial lak.

Patutnyer aku doa kat Tuhan mintak lepas kitorang; pasal kawan aku yang drive dan dier takde lesen; dari sekatan jalanraya tuh. Mana tau yang kitorang kena panggil move ke bahu jalan.

Aku dah mula cuak. Kawan aku yang duduk kat depan tu lagilah....perempuan kan? Yang kawan laki aku yang drive lak buat muka confident dan dengan selamba jer hulur kat abang JPJ tu lesen motosikal dier. Pastuh, kitorang kena saman RM240 because road tax mati skali dengan kesalahan tidak mempunyai lesen kereta.

Bila aku pergi ke Kuching guna bas, sampai aja..."Mak aihh!!! Banyaknya polis!!!". Samada polis biasa atau pun polis trafik, suma jumlah polis tu memang banyak sampaikan korang jalan lagi tak sampai 10m ada lagi abang polis kat depan, belakang, kiri dan kanan korang.

Tak caya? Ko lihat gambar ni bebaik sat.....

Para polis trafik dengan konvoinya

Para abang-abang polis trafik memulakan perjalanan. Ko lihat tu sampai ke ujung polis nih bersusun.

Bila aku tanya bapak aku, mesyuarat Majlis Raja-Raja akan diadakan kat Kuching dalam minggu ni. Sebab tu la......

Tapi apapun, RM240 melayang hari ni.

Finally…I arrived!!!!

Now, let s went back to the situation where Swinburne and me were stuck at LCCT.

Since both of us ran out of money, clothes and food; basically we are totally at our deepest moment ever. So there we are, starving and thirsty thinking our way to overcome the situation.

Swin called Miss L to inform her about our current situation. Apparently, her sister was on the flight that we suppose to broad. But by the time her sister knew about it, it was already too late. If not, taking her quote from Miss L, “I would take them at my next flight”.

As for Mr. Constitution, he actually done nothing to help us during the most devastative moment ever faced by both of us. Yes, I do realize if he was there with us he could do something but HE WASN’T THERE.

Mdm. Constitution was actually really worried about both of us. I mean both of us stuck in a foreign land with no money or clothes. She felt terrible for the situation that both of us were facing then.

Hence, since both of us are basically stuck at LCCT, we must figure out an idea on how to return to UiTM Shah Alam. This is due to the phone call that Swin made after we missed our flight. He said that if we went back to UiTM Shah Alam, Hafiz would take care of us; mind you that he actually lost his pet two days before he moved to his new house.

My mother called me two hours after we missed the flight stating that she already banked in RM100 to Swin’s account. Without wasting any time, Swin withdraw the money and by using that money we manage our way to UiTM Shah Alam. We took the bus and taxi with the overall amount of RM49.

When we arrived, the Novice Cup tournament has already started. By the time we reached at the Engineering Faculty building, we are already in the peak of frustration for what so ever reason that put us in the situation at the first place.

Swin were at his the most down moment in his life during that time. Imagine this; when he went to the tournament room and everyone greeted him, he just stares at them and don’t reply those greets. He faced Hafiz and he told Swin to wait him at the building’s car place.

By them time Hafiz said that to him, Swin went berserk. His gone mad towards everyone; me, Miss L, Fuad, Mr. Constitution, Hafiz and such. But I understand his emotion during that time. I don’t blame him. Even Fuad also do understand; no doubt upon that.

When Hafiz sent us to Kolej Perindu, Swin and I straight away went to the room and make ourselves calm. I bought a brush and a wash soap to wash the dirty clothes. And since both of us ran out of clothes to wear, we went to Wisma PKNS to buy some new clothes.

Both of us waiting for bus to UiTM after doing some 'shopping'

During the night, the other debaters from other campuses are quite surprised to see us. We told them what happened and basically, they just said “You guys are quite good at wasting government's money”. *laugh*

The next day, we woke up quite late and headed our way. Mind you that our minds are quite clear compared to yesterday. Since both of us already miss a lot of stuff that we suppose to do when we return to Kuching BY THAT TIME, we do our study and research in the Novice Cup operation room. When the tournament has ended its semi-final, Hafiz told us to book flying tickets back to Kuching. Since there were no flight ticket on Sunday available, I picked the opt to booked the ticket going back on Monday exactly at 6.40 p.m. The reason I did that is because if I book the ticket early in the morning like the previous one, there is a chance that both of us would miss the flight again.

So on the day of the flight, both of us woke up early and packed our bags. To avoid the same mistake being done; we told Hafiz that our flight is at 5.00 p.m. He arrived and we said goodbye to Fuad who have the sincerity to be with us throughout the day we missed our flight till the day of our departure.

Thank you Fuad for your companion during those hard moments. I'll remember it till death

Taking a picture with Yellow Coverageman before I leave the UiTM ground

We checked in early but something happened. Taking Swin’s quote, “Either the airplane hates us or Shah Alam loves us so much”. Due to the technical problem faced by the plane that we already board in, we have to change to another plane. It took us at least one hour before the airplane started to fly.

When we arrived at Kuching, I almost burst to tears when I saw my mother and brother waiting for me at the arrival gate. Swin and I headed to our own way; he went home and I headed to UiTM.

*the end*

Basically, that the story of us being stranded in Shah Alam for five days and I have to agree with Swin that this is the worst moment that we ever had. We also could not blame ourselves if we are traumatic for another flight again. Have to be note that the Malaysian Open will be held in Malacca next week. NO!!!!!!!!!

P/S: Mr. Constitution is having a depressed moment with the Financial Unit right now concerning to the flight ticket that we supposed to board in. Hehehe..

All things are going back to normal again….I think

Last week is the most troublesome week I’ve ever had. Not just have all the people around me almost-pull-the-trigger to hate me but I do jeopardize them in such a way that it made me feel really unmotivated throughout the week until I have to cancelled the debate training on Thursday without Swinburne’s authorization *sorry Swin*. But the past is the past and all I have to do right now is look at it and try to do not do the same thing again. It’s precious I could say.

Sorry I have to break my promise to update the blog at least once in every two days due to some internal problems (which I think you already know). But from now on I’ll try my best to update all of the three blogs which are under my management. I hope Fuad and Maisarah do help me by updating TEC site as well. It has been a hell load of work from me. Externally and internally exhausted, I shall continue with my plan.

Hey, it’s already March! I keep on forgetting that I’m in a new month hence more efficient work to do. The reason that makes me kept on being busy is where the time synchronization is just “right”. Meaning by all of the stuff that I’ve been doing is almost overlapping. Thank God there are people whom I can count on during those moments. In the next post, maybe I’ll do what Faradiba and her friend did; stating and listing what they do, what they did throughout the whole week and month. From there you will know how busy I am, no matter what kind of stuff that I occupied with.

Personally, I think it is what I so called “the debater curse”. Did you realize; you guys who are debaters no matter what universities or campuses; your life totally change after you joined TDC? Maybe before this you are nobody or merely a number of people know you and having such a free-time-moments after you finish your class. But after you become a debater, suddenly the whole burden of assignments, research, presentation, life obstacles, matter-which-are-not-concern-to-you and what-are-the-things-that-made-me-busy-all-suddenly-which-I-do-
not-know-what-I-am-busy-about are on your shoulders? Hence, I advised to all debaters out there if you want to attract people to join TDC, please DO-NOT-IN-WHAT-EVER-THINGS-OR-LIFE-THREATENING-SITUATION you mention about this curse or they will back off. I mean the burden will not come in a pile in a jiffy but it will slowly come to you and by the accordance of time, it will pile up more than come-in-a-pile-in-a-jiffy. So debaters; between you and me; shut the things up.

For this week, for the first time ever I just stayed at home for one day. Mind you that my course in UiTM were having their “Family Day” which apparently I didn’t go due to the fact that I’m a busy person; no time to enjoy myself; and also I need to take care of the house especially my brothers (seven of them) and my little sister because my parents are having their business to attend which make them have to leave the house for 2 days. Since I’m the ONLY elder brother which my parents can count on, therefore I leave all the stuff behind and went back home. But suddenly, on my first day Zureen called me stating that she wanted to see me. By leaving my duty to my father whom came home that time and my usu, I went back to UiTM seeking for Yaya and Zureen.

That Saturday night, apparently there is an occasion of “Battle of The Band” in conjunction with “Malam Gala Gading”. That night, I went there with B.J and his friends but unexpectedly I sat together with Jesse, Asma and Kaka. After I accompanied the girls back to their dorm block, I went back to Youth Floor and waited for Yaya before she called me to meet at the road between the canteen and Dewan Jubli. From there; exception to Zureen’s kept-on-interupting; Yaya and me talk and we already resolved the matter. Almost of the girls in the world, I wouldn’t sacrifice, burden and jeopardize my friendship with Yaya, Zureen nor Hana. They are my trustful and true female friends ever. They are meant a lot to me then I meant to them.

So I’ve heard the rumour that for the next “Family Day” that my classmates want to select me as the Project Manager due to the fact that they are quite pissed that I actually didn’t come for the Family Day since 3 semesters ago. Yes people, starting in Part 1 until Part 3 (now), I didn’t bother go even once. So by that, they want to increase my burden. First thing first, it is not that I don’t want to handle the project but people; I’M A BUSY BOY. Due to this fact, you actually want my commitment towards this stuff which apparently most of you know that I might do not get 100% commitment towards these things. People, come on and grow up. Please do not put the project at stake because it involves big budgets and a huge number of people. It involves the whole Ladang course for goodness sake. Either you listen to me or not, do not blame the outcome.

Hence, I’m looking forward to the things that might happen this week and like I said to myself when I’m in a tight, tense, out-of-time and stress moments, “I’ll manage”.

It's too late to apologize...it's too late

Stifler quoted "Shit happens".

And I felt what he said is totally right. I'm trying to do my best in my new field of expertise and where does it get me? Jeopardizing people whom I care, whom I love and whom I adore. Frankly speaking, I didn’t know what I’m doing right now do makes every people having a hair-trigger moment in this tight-tense-controversial situation.

I’m sorry for what I make, what do I have begun, what do I already build-up makes people feel the annoyance, the sickness and the sadness out of them. I never meant to do it. It is just certain people can’t understand what I’m saying, for what I meant. I never meant to make people fight and argue towards each other just for what I wrote. Now I know the meaning of “the pen is much sharper than the sword”.

I do love TDC so much. It’s like I’m turning to Iqhbal Hafis (well, 25% to be exact) due to the passion, experience and the skills that I’ve gained when I entered this club. So people please do not question about my feelings towards the club itself. I do love it so much more than my own course’s club. Heck, even my course mates always questioning me the reason that I always make out the priority out of TDC more than theirs.

It’s due to the factor that since I entered this club, I met lots of people whom widen my mind and my perspective. Even from the club itself, I learnt something which no one could have by do not entering the club. It’s what I call “Discover The New You”. The first club that I actually join with my will is The Language Society. From there, I met Paul. A nice-friendly-polite-gentleman-supportive-helpful-and-sorts-of-quality-
person-whom-you-can-found he is. From there, he guides me to know the lecturers, the people whom in charge and such. And from there, I pursued my steps in TDC by having my first debate after being forced by Jack. From there, I learnt skills and stuff which I dare to say never being achieved by any people in the campus. It’s like having the whole UiTM at the tip of my fingers. But yet, I never misuse the skills that I’ve learnt for self benefit. Instead, I helped people when they have any type of trouble which I can overcome. That is why right now most of the students know me. For the record, they call me “Black” because people kept calling me “Black” without knowing my real name. I’m not blaming them, maybe due to the fact that I’m too good to be somebody whom the call “Pure”.

Thus, I end my post by saying, “To all the people whom are affected, will-be-affected and indirectly affected by my posts, I, Muhammad Rahman, having my hat low down, stating that I’m totally sorry for what I have done/cause and will done/cause in this present and in the future. I didn’t mean to and I hope that all of you would forgive me”.

P/S: As for the TEC site, I already make it only accessible to people whom I already authorized. And to Dr. Simon, Miss L and Swinburne; thank you because respecting my freedom of speech. Your good deed will be in my mind forever.