Page 185 of 366

Morning Wake

When you opened your eyes, the room is fill with the warmth of the sun with birds chirping in the background. Rise from bed, you look around looking for BlackBerry to login into Twitter; reading your morning social news.

Some people wake up after having a nightmare. In which, the reality blossom feast upon their eyes by the time they escape. Insisted, suddenly want to make the world a better place to live.

But most, they just can’t sleep; not because of external issue but towards things that currently play inside their mind. Majority whom suffers from heartbreak could not bear themselves to sleep because if they do, a bottle of the pill would be empty with a drinking bottle at the side.

Therefore, waking up in the morning does not usually starts someone else’s life but also ending it; in a sad way.

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Late Night

Once, I went through a silent road that I know by heart.

“I finally found her!” my heart whispered.

By the time we reach the final road, she smashed it to pieces. Enough of causing my heart went through despair and sufferings which could lead to my death whenever I miss you.

As I expected, I forfeited causing the cut bleed more because as love come and go; all it did is just leaving me all alone. Letting me live without feel the sweetness of the love itself, constantly ripping me off at the point when I need it.

For sure, by late night, I would going through flashback causing tears running. It’s the only thing that I can do aside keep on dreaming about you.

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Acceptance

Lots of people expects good feedback upon things that they did; as it is a sign of achievement whenever it work up to the top.

Whether it is about relationship, career or idea; conceal in matter of “hope”, sometimes it could change someone’s dream, fate or journey all being put upon a thing called “decision”.

Since when saying “No” is complicated despite the heavy burden underneath it that would not harm you in a way; as hope fill it all the crap under those two letter word.

Getting all the reasons above, it is better compare to hear a “Yes” in which responsibility, credibility, sincerity and accountability are on stake.

I’ll go for the easy path.

Page 43 of 366

Ego of the Past

It has been a months since you being left; or in reality, got dump after perhaps years of relationship.

Even though you have tried to accept it but your mind keep on rejecting the fact that the person whom you cared, cherished, has left you. Then, you closed your eyes where deep down inside hoping that they would turn back, running towards you and says that it was all joke. As your eyes open, nothing change and you cried as much as you can so the pain would be flow out together with the tears.

Past is a nice place to visit but certainly not a good place to stay as you keep on looking behind; glancing through the times when you were together, flipping the memories both of you went through and reminiscing the moment where your heart whispered, “I could never leave, not to this person whom I devoting my emotion, my love, my feelings”. By doing so, the heart which already in a serious wreckage continue to crumble and the sound of glass shattering turns into a bleeding melody.

In between struggling with the pain and trying to gasping the healing air, a new person walks in and reach out their hand to save you from drowning of exhaustion. While you’re in a big mess, that person decided to halt and trying their best to fix you.

They don’t care about your past, about your story, about yourself before. All they care is to attend you, entertain your rants, your problems and comforting you despite you talk about that particular person who left you and will expect the person who currently trying to save you do the same thing; walking away.

When you’re in that particular state; two things are happening inside you.

First, insecurity issue will rise up as you are afraid the same thing would happen again despite the person; who sincerely wants to know you and keep on reassuring that they wouldn’t do the same. But since you have been traumatized by the past, you feel reluctant to do so.

Secondly, since the past still haunts your mind, it made you still hoping for that person whom left you for good; either they go to someone else or simply doesn’t love you anymore; to come back and since you think it is your mistake on the first place upon the reason they left, you will kneel in front of them, hold and grasp tightly to their legs as you hope they won’t leave you no more.

By analyzing both of the situations, you would understand the reality of what you’re actually facing and phasing through.

Due to the insecurity which currently nurturing inside, you’ll be afraid of being left again and by instinct, you will close your heart from being touched by anyone who wants to try to win you over. The saddest thing is the person who currently saving you has been shut down by you from proceed through as he is halfway there.

WHO ON THE EARTH ARE YOU BY DOING SO!?

Yes, it is about your heart and feelings but it is not your right to deny the a single person chance trying to work things out with you. Everyone in this world owns a chance and it is within their right to give their chance to a person whom they keen; which in this situation is you yourself.

When they give it to you, do keep it in a good shape and when your done evaluating them and coming to a deduction that they are not the one, return it as what being given earlier on. By denying their right, you actually stop their chance from penetrating your wall and end up torn during the process. It won’t look as what it is and in this case, you ought to be blame.

The right way is by let them to put their chance on you despite you’re not ready. But, at least you’re giving them the chance to do so and if they fail, it was worth of try; which they will not be regret.

Another issue which will arise by having you constantly looking back. Snap out of it because the thing that you dream isn't going to happen. They won’t come back! What you’re experiencing are known as “Post-Relationship Ego” where you keep on seeing you’re still in the relationship and that person only walks away for a moment which at the same time believing they would come back plus believing it is not happening; that it is not real.

Thus, you don’t care if a person try to win you over because mentally, emotionally and psychologically, you’re crazy, obsessed and living in a dream. The trauma actually hallucinate you from seeing the real thing in which you will keep on dreaming about it until you decide to wake up.

The best way to get out of it is by giving the person who is trying really hard; putting so much effort to prove to you that they worth it; a chance.

And trust me, you will never feel the same way again.

I Miss You, My Dear Ex

Seems that it has been months since we broke up but it’s still fresh in my mind. No, I’m not remembering the moment when you broke up with me but I reminiscing the beautiful memories that we once had, that we once shared.

My favourite part? It’s when we just kiss and hug each other in an empty room, waiting for you early in the morning just to touch your lips and saying the “3 words, 8 letters” to you.

Now, I missed being kiss and the care about someone whom I cared a lot more than myself; spending a lot for the phone just to make sure that you’re fine each day; sacrificed my time listening to you, about us, about insecure you are when I’m not there, about me having another “you”; but I assured you that you are my only, my words, my dedication, my commitments, my attention and my love; is only for you and you.

As I keeping my promises, you walk away; leaving me shedding with tears, as my heart tore apart and shattered to fine pieces in which it is impossible to be put together again.

As I keeping myself together, you enjoy your single life whilst keeping on saying that there’s no more love towards me which caused thousand of shards went straight deep into my bleeding heart.

As I beg, cried, asked and pled, you don’t even look back and say something to make me stand. Instead, you told me to forget about you, wash away all of our memories and get a new you.

As it is may seems easy for you to say those words and it is hard for me to do; I keep on waiting, keep on holding on and safe an empty space in my heart just for you; in case you would run coming back to me with those kisses and hug again.

I Once Meant Everything To You

He met her after a long break up.

He told her, “Sorry, I've met a new one. I have a new girlfriend and another future.. How about your life?”.

She closed her eyes to hide her tears, remembered all the memories she shared with him.

She remembered how she shared his pain before his happy moments and how she refused many other boys just to stay with him.

She kept the remains of her pride and collected her force, smiled and said, ”Sorry sir, but do i know you ?”.

                                                                                    -Tumblr

Terasa

Yes, memang aku terasa hari ni.

Tak datang kelas sepanjang hari, pinjam kamera aku pulak.

Aku tak kisah korang pinjam kamera aku, cuma aku terasa kat sini sepanjang hari tak attend kelas tapi masa datang nak pinjam kamera aku, korang bilang pegi Putrajaya jalan-jalan amik gambar.

Tak pergi kelas for the whole day tapi ada niat nak pegi jalan petang-petang?

Tapi aku malas nak bilang; just let it be.

P/S: Dan aku terkejut gak ada budak kelas kita ikut sekali dengan korang. Tak beritahu aku pun. Part tu yang paling aku terasa. Sekian.

The words and emotion

So it starts of unexpected.

You have mutual friends and add each other on facebook and msn. You get to know one another. It gets interesting.

Exciting. Fun. Numbers are added into phones. Text. Text. Text. Flirt. Flirt. Flirt.

You have deep and meaningful conversations and learn about them.

You begin to fall. You start dating. You fall harder. You are inlove. You hug. Kiss. Touch.

Life is great. You are in love. Can't go a day without talking to them.

Time flies. Things change. Things get rocky. You get hurt. Forgive, but can't forget. You love them to much to break up. They break up with you. You are shattered.

Life doesn't mean much no more.

You lost everything.

And it ends with heartache.

                                                                                - via Tumblr

Above words are the exact words of describing what I had, experienced and felt for the past six days.

For the one who’s I meant this for, thank you for everything. There will be no once who will love me like you do. Thank you once again.

It’s about insecurity and trust

Did you ever face this problem where your girl accuse you of cheating on her even though you’re not?

Even you’re not but why does she accuse you do?

There must be a solid reason on why she acting like that.

It’s mainly because of this thing called “INSECURITY”.

The reason that cause this problem is perhaps because she have been cheated by her ex in the previous relationship and even worst, every single man that she dated cheated on her in every occasion.

Therefore, it is you who will receive the full-blast even if the relationship just started less then a week. Nether less she is beautiful, stunning or even the most pretty girl in the campus ground, they still have the feeling of insecurity inside them. So there is no way of us trying to avoid those things.

Main reason is where there is this type of relationship where both of you just texting and rarely call each other, you put your relationship status as “In a relationship” but on her side is “Single” even though you send her a relationship request in Facebook, you never have an actual date and both of you never walk side by side in the campus ground because she doesn’t want her friends to know about both of you for the time being.

Hence, she doesn’t have any sort of solid proof that you are hers to assure her that you are hers, that you are loyal to the relationship and towards her too. Even if you ask her on what type of she wants for you and you will try your best to do it so that she could believe you, she couldn’t due to the cause that even she doesn’t know how to define a solid proof herself.

Another problem is TRUST. She couldn’t trust you that much because partly both of you just in the relationship. Maybe it is easy for guys since trust solidity is being build up day by day along with the relationship itself but it is not that easy for some girls since she does had a rough and hard time in the previous relationships.

In a nutshell, because of other guys whom she had commit play around with her feelings and her trust, it is you who have to receive the burden. It is you who have to reassemble the pieces; from the previous guy’s dirty job; within her but it is hard because some tiny fraction of the piece is under something which is hard to reach or out of your grasp.

Now, with INSECURITY and TRUST are the main issue, is there any solution to this matters?

No, there is no solution but there is ways to ease this issues.

First, INSECURITY. Stop telling her that “I wouldn’t do it”, “You’re the only one for me”, “Do believe in me” and such repeatedly. Why? It is annoying and do bear in mind how many times she had listen to this cliché’ answers from the previous guys she had dated, that she had commit with in the past? Psychologically, in her mind the more you’re saying those words, the more tendency her words is right because every guys that she dated in the past says will surely cheated on her.

Just tell her not more that THREE times or else she would be tired of you using the same answer or excuse. Do tell her that you would give her some space; meaning let her to have a calm period; until she is ready to text you back. Let her know that you are always be there for her; even she doesn’t have anything to share or to talk about; just ready to be there for her. In the other hand, it would assure her eventually that you are hers but it does takes time.

Second, TRUST. For a girl, you don’t get her trust easily. It’s their nature. The best thing is just be there with her and eventually she will open it up to you. Remember, TRUST is earn not given. Tell her that during the build-up of the relationship, it is also a process for you to learn on how to TRUST each other. Even she doesn’t understand on how that would be imply but gradually according to time she will get it subconsciously. If she keep on having TRUST problem over a period of time, just hang-on to that. Imagine that she had a 3 years long relationship with a man who in the end cheated on her, on how you want to make it clear and firm to her that she can trust you although you and her just started 3 months ago? It does takes time but eventually, the issue will wear off.

Try these recommendations to ease things up and God willing, if you do love her, it will work.

The truth finally revealed

On the 10th of June is the most remarkable day for the whole UiTM students. This is because it is the moment for them; including myself; to know what we had done throughout the semester is worth it.

Two options will be given to you.

It is either you will feel happy or you will feel the innermost stupidity within you.

In this post, I would break it down on my exam result, the reason why I received this outcome and on how I would improve myself in this matter.

*clear throat*

Ladies and gentlemen, BEHOLD!!!

 Click the picture for more clear view

After all the hard work (kinda) that I put off this semester, it really make myself still in disbelief *slap myself*. I’m not saying that I’m not believing in myself (Jeff Johamson, 2010) but this is due to many occasions that protruded and consume most of my time and commitment especially with the Kenyalang Debate Open 2010 that totally drained me out totally.

Enough with the ranting, let us set ourselves to the main focus. Why I gain the mark, what did I do wrong and on how I could improve it.

1. Management Accounting

Result : A-

FYI, I’m not coming from accountancy background during middle school. I’m a pure science student and to tell you the truth, I’m not good with calculation either. So you can imagine how disastrous I am trying to catching up with this subject during the entire semester.

Therefore, during Management Accounting subject, I always sit beside with the student who are very good in the subject in the class. Anything that I didn’t follow or fail to understand, I will ask her first before I forward the question to the lecturer if she couldn’t give me the answer.

It is also important to sit at the centre of the front row because it is the most strategic position as it will enable you to focus on the lecturer, writing the notes easily and not to mention can have a moment of shut eye without having the lecturer noticing because he always give his attention to the back row. Plus, prior to this unique self-pattern-type-of-seat, anytime when you raise your hand to ask question, the lecturer would easily notice you and he would answer your question specifically. Meaning he would spend a long time to answer your question rather to a question being brought up by the back benchers. Plus, it also shows that you pay attention to his class and it gives the slightest edge for you because you already made out a very good impression towards him. Hence, it could give you another advantage; higher carry marks.

Back to accounting matter.

For sure, for a normal student, he or she would do the exercise given and hand in the assignment during the next class. But not me. I never do any exercises. I just read the notes. Yes, READ the notes. I have no slightest idea on how I manage to survive at all. I passed all the subject’s test but I didn’t send any exercises. Personally, this may be the reason why I got an A- due to the fact I got less mark for handing in the exercises.

Thus, for next semester, I will hand in any assessments that will be given to ensure the marks for contribution would not jerk out to the stream.

2. Fundamental of Entrepreneurship

Result : A-

This subject thought me on how to prepare myself if I want to create my own business one day. It taught me on how to develop a proposal from a scratch and expand the idea of the business to a much more complex structure to ensure the business would run smoothly and have a little risk involve.

One week for the business proposal’s presentation, the lecturer who was suppose to teach us had an surprise birth when her pregnancy is just 7 month old.

It was almost an entire mess because we need to refine our presentation which almost unorganized. Luckily there was a lecturer who being asked to fill in the post and he helped us tremendously. Thanks to him, we manage to finished the presentation on the day itself (Malaysian…duhh!!).

I can’t speak more about the carry marks because our class doesn’t even know our carry marks are. There was other lecturer who was suppose to put up the marks but he was too lazy to do it.

Due to the nature of this subject exam nature which is more to vomit all the information that you read from the notes, it was a bit easy for me since I’m also that type of student. For the record, this is the only subject in this semester that I left the examination hall early.

As for the reason for the A-, I think the reason is that during the early test which consume 15% of the total marks being carries out during the middle of the semesters, I took it for granted. I was only able to obtained half of the marks. Hence, it is a lesson for me to do not take any future test for any subjects reluctantly.

3. Agricultural Engineering

Result: B-

Agriculture is a big business and one of the key factor of its success is the use of machines such as tractors and trailers. This subject actually teach you on how to maintain this machineries. Therefore, this subject is more to applying the knowledge and it is a technical subject which as you know are being dominated by men.

I myself is not good at this subject because I’m more to a theory person who would just read and vomit all the information that has been received.

The reason I got a B- is because almost all the test that has been given, I only obtained half from the total marks and let me tell you, it is quite awful indeed. The only guy that I know quite a master in this subject successfully holding the Dean’s List where as me…pfft! Not to mention that this subject holding 4 credit hours meaning it dragged the marks down causing a significant shrinking in the pointer; it is one of the subject in this semester that cost the Dean’s List flew away for the third time.

I have found out that some of the girls in the class are too having the troublesome to cope with this particular subject since their nature in not bond to technical stuff.

What I can do to improve myself next semester for other subject is to try to give more time to certain subject which I will found quite hard to understand and try to kick my ass off to obtain as high marks as possible.

4. Research Technique

Result: C+

Research is about to improve or to proof a theory so the information that will be gather would be useful for mankind. And to ensure the research is reliable, it must being back-up and support by a solid and unquestionable result and data. This subject goal is actually what it is; to assist and help you to gather a consistent data for for you to support your hypothesis.

Mainly, this subject is about calculation. As mentioned earlier, I’m quite bad in calculation not to mentioned kept on failing every test due to the clumsy mistake and my hand and brain are not communicate towards each other. Example in an occasion that happened during the first test, almost all of my calculation went wrong because the figure and symbol that emerge in my brain is not the same as being written and being key in the calculator. And it cost me 70 marks of the first test. Plus, the value for this particular subject is 4 credit hours.

Hence, adding the deficiencies in the marks, the inability to synchronize the brain to the hand and the tremendous credit hours, no wonder I did quite bad in this subject. But I believed that I had done my best in the exam paper but still, it does cost me the Dean’s List apart from Agricultural Engineering.

5. Secondary Crop Production

Result: B-

It is the almost-to-favourite subject in this semester because it is all about reading the notes and vomit it all over. Not to mention having it with Mr. Zayn as the lecturer does make me to do not sleep during his class; thanks to his thick American accent.

The reason I got a B- is because once again thanks to the test total marks which I only obtained half from it. One of the reason is because my bad habit of reading the notes not taking down the notes. As you well known, you tend to remember something if you write it down but I was quite lazy about that. Plus, revising the subject five hours before the test being given out; it was a stupid move indeed.

So, after looking to this things, I will try to do not study during the last minute even though I have a fracture ability of photographic memory.

6. Drama

Result: A

This is a co-curiculum subject which I didn’t take during Part-3 because the system slipped off the subject. Thanks to it, I only manage to take it during this semester, in Part-5!

This class is all about participation. If you participate more, you will have a bigger chance to have a higher marks. It is all it takes.

Not to mention that Encik Azizi, trainer for drama, have been asking a lot of favour from me and I think it does suites me to obtained an A for it. It does pay off frankly speaking.

There they are, my analysis of my latest result. Perhaps for you readers, you can gain and use some information that I have been given to you. At least it could give you the slightest idea on how to manage your time, ways and style to cope for your next semester subjects.

And try do no not forget to do your own analysis on the reason why your pointer is what it is so that you can have a clear view of what you should do next.

Next semester, beware of my present.

An Open Letter to HP Service Centre Headquater

 

I have sent my laptop model CQ20-317TU since last Wednesday, 17th February 2010, to be look at since I suspected my power adapter has giving me such a nuisance.

The front desk girl told me that the engineers will look upon my problem and will call me at the end of the day but yet when I call Kuching HP Service Centre the very next day(Thursday, 18th February 2010) , she said there is no available engineer to look upon my laptop. Thus she said they will call me the next day.

Again on Friday, 19th February 2010, I call them again and they said there is no available engineer to look at my problem (AGAIN) and she pointed out that the whole engineers has taken their holiday in the conjunction with Chinese New Year celebration that has been celebrated last Sunday (14th February 2010) and Monday (including Tuesday which is the replacement holiday, 15 & 16th February)

It is hard for me to taken the fact that there is no available technician nor engineer to sort out my problem which is actually derived from the faulty power adapter which you can sort out in a few minutes by replacing it with another one since mine is still under warranty.

As a student, my dependency on my laptop is high and without it, i will not have the ability to do my work smoothly.

After waited for a week now, I called Kuching HP Service Centre asking the condition about my laptop and the answer that has been given really made me feel angry and mad towards HP itself.

She said that the sparepart which is the motherboard is out of stock and it would be estimated time of arrival is on the 24TH MARCH 2010!!!!!!!

It is purely insane answer for me to accept since your company has tresspassing your service policy of 5 to 10 days working and with this occuring, it has cause me more than a month!!!!

Did you know that my study life, my achievement and my final examination result depend on that notebook since I need to use it especially when I have a crucial subjects this semester!!!! And did you know how it will effect my productivity terribly!?

Did you ever think of that!!!?

I ought your company to do something on this because you are jeopardizing my future here since all my data, all my notes are in that notebook.

You can call the Kuching Service Centre for futher explaination by their number which you guys I believe that you have it, 082-349808.

Please ask them to check my record under my name Muhamad Rahman Sallehin and using my phone number as their reference which is 014-5907431.

Dear HP Customer Care Team, my future of success is in your hand right now and you ought to do something about it ASAP!

As strong as you were, as tender you go

It is hard for me on how to put these in words.

Frustration. Upset. Question. Disappointment. Crushed. Heartbroken.

Those are the things which plays in my mind right now. Even I’ve tried to find the answers along with the reasons, yet the doubt do not want to fade away.

It’s all began during the selection for the Borneo Cup 2010 last Monday.

After I just finished my class around noon, I bumped into B.J who said to me that there will be a try-out for the tournament at that night; he received a text earlier on. Along came Paul telling the same thing; he too received the message.

It was quite weird to have everyone being notified except for me but I just put it aside since I knew that everyone is trying to keep even  a single cent in their credit.

Earlier on, I thought that I would stay in the campus by Tuesday the very next day but due to the try-out, I have to go through the heavy rain in the midst of January to get my stuff at home and come back again to campus before 8.00 p.m.

Here I was; after being soaked in the rain, rushed to packed my none-complete stuff, go through the horrible traffic jam; in the room B430 getting all pump up, thanks to the adrenaline to give all my best.

Since it is an Asian Debate style; hence it is 3 vs. 3 people in that round. The debate start on the motion;

THIS HOUSE BELIEVES THAT GREEN TECHNOLOGY SHOULD BE TAX DEDUCTABLE

On the Government side;

• 1st Speaker (Prime Minister) : Yours truly, Rahman Sallehin
• 2nd Speaker (Deputy Prime Minister) : Yan
• 3rd Speaker (Government Whip) : Hando

Meanwhile on the other side of the bench, the Opposition were represented by;

1st Speaker (Leader of Opposition) : B. Terrence

2nd Speaker (Deputy Leader of Oppostion) : B.J

3rd Speaker (Opposition Whip) : Y.B Paul Racha

The adjudicators for the try-out were;

• 1. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Simon “Faizal Hakeem” Botley
• 2. Syed Nizamuddin Sayed Kassim a.k.a Swinburne
• 3. Sharifah Shazzea bt. Wan Akil Tuanku Abdullah (Yaya)
• 4. Jeff Johamson

Time Keeper;

Arthur Kulow

I, as the Prime Minister has set a very good and solid case indeed. Let me break it down to you on my case setup.

• Title :

• THBT Green Technology Should Be Tax Deductable

• Definition:

• Green Technology
• 1. Any technology that reduce the rate of carbon emission
•    during the production of a product.
• 2. Any types of method which is “environmental-friendly”
• Tax Deductable
• 1. Reduce the corporate tax
• Perimeter:
• Malaysia
• Problem:
• 1. Copenhagon accord has failed to meet 7 continue the Kyoto 
•     Protol.
• 2. Up to us (Malaysia) to make & start our own effort.
• Stance:
• To ensure the environment is protected from a long term effect for the sake of nature & humankinds. Plus, our goal is to reduce the carbon emission by 1/2 the amount during the 90s by 2050.
• Mechanism:
• 1. Reducing the corporate tax from 25% to 18% along with 
•    insentive such as a cutting from their utilies bill (water &
•    electrical bill)
• 2. It is open to all SMEs, big companies, plantations & factories.
• 3. Every company will submit an application form that will be
•     provided by Ministry of Enviroment (MoH).
• 4. After the form being submitted, inspection of the technology
•    and method will be enforce by the Department of Health.
• 5. A certificate will be given out to the company who meets the
•   requirements (refer to the Definition) and by using e-
• government, the list of the companies will be given to the
• Ministry of Finance & to the Inland Revenue Board (LHDN).
• 6. If any mishap happen, i.e they do not receive the benefit due
•    to unavailable of information in the LHDN system, they can
•    show the cert as a prove and LHDN will refer to the MoH.
• Points:
• Our step will encourage other nation especially in our region to follow our footsteps.
• Summary:
• I have said, mentioned and elaborate all the things that you need to know. If we do not do anything, we will put our nature in jeopardize and it will certainly will give a long-term effect to the nation itself. Hence, I beg to propose

That was my case setup. I have it all structured and gave the layout on what I would say to the adjudicators.

As for the opposition side led by B. Terrence, they came out with a radical approach (Simon Botley, 2010).

Instead by arguing the nature of the debate which is about principal, the opposition side has came out with an idea by giving a counter proposal;

• 1. Rather than deduct the tax, we give the companies including the international companies FREE TAX.
• 2. From there, they would use their profit to be invest in the R&D of green technology.
• 3. Thus, these companies can sell their green technology invention to other companies in the country by having the government controlling the market.
• 4. Government will adopt some of these companies (pre-GLC) and set up new companies which then the government would inject funding for the companies R&D of green technology.
• 5. It will act as a catalyst; by having these companies (reinvest 0% tax income & pre-GLC companies) as the first player in the green technology.
• 6.Plus, it would trigger the newbie to involve in the entrepeurnership.
• 7.The opposition has stated that they would gain back the money in 20 years time.

As you see, there are some fatal flaw in their arguments which my whip successfully pointed out. Kudos for that. For my DPM, she has done a very good job by giving out points on the reasons why we need to approve the motion even though she’s not that well in delivering speech but she could improve on that; job well done, Yan.

FYI, these try-out is for selecting the second team that will come along with the first team.

I swore that I just knew this thing when they want to start for the debate. As for the record, during the previous tournaments, I always being putted (assigned) in second group; hence I do not mind about who’ll be in the first team which they has already sorted it out.

In my mind, the first team would consisting of Swinburne and Jeff (duh, like obviously). As for the third person, I thought it would be either Paul or Terrence.

After the debate has come to an end, the time of truth were finally reveal.

Dr. Simon said that due to the misfortunate experience during the last Borneo Cup, UiTM Sarawak will be sending two adjudicators consist of Yaya and himself.

Afterwards, he announced the people who would be the first team;

• 1.Swinburne
• 2. Jeff
• 3. Hando

It was a bit shocking indeed seeing Hando in the first team but honestly, I do not mind due to the fact that Hando is a really good whip and having him with Swinburne; who is the best 1st speaker; alongside with Jeff; fantastic 2nd speaker; I personally think that it is a very dynamic team indeed. For that matter, I rest my case upon it.

Having the expectation and those excitement rumbling in my chest, Dr. Simon announced the names for the second team.

• 1. B. Terrence
• 2. Paul Racha

And by then he said something which makes my feeling starting not to feel good.

“Now, this may upset some people but I hope you can take this thing well. As for Yan, I’m sorry that you are not being chosen for the team due to the fact that you’re still lacking in delivering speech and we think that you need some more training.”.

Hence, it narrowed down to only B.J and me myself.

• .

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• .

• .

• .

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• .

• .

B.J is selected for the third slot instead of me and the decision has been made anonymously.

The reason that has being given by the adjudicators to support their selection for the third slot is because;

1. B.J hardly involve in any major debate tournaments where as I already involves in some plus already acquiring many experience throughout the previous tournaments.

2. B.J has shown a lot of improvement compared to me which the adjudicators said “still at the same level”.

Now, I couldn’t argue more about point No. 1. Thus, I’m willingly stepping myself aside and having him in the seat. He deserves it and no hearts taken.

But, for the point No. 2, I hardly disagree with that statement due to the fact the adjudicators always seeing me debating where as for B.J, I couldn’t recall when the last time he debated.

In other words, if they want to make a comparison, please take standard of comparison and improvement when both of us; B.J & myself; last debating together.

For your additional information, the winning has fell to the Government side and I got the Best Speaker during the try-out.

Hence, taking the method of improvement from that night is not a really good way to determine the level of self-improvement due to the fact that Swin and Jeff has seen me debating less than a month ago compared to B.J which I think is more than 3 months.

Thus, the first question arise on the method by determining the debaters improvement method.

Now the second question arise on the selection of Yaya as the second adjudicator.

I myself earlier on questioning about this decision having the fact that she rarely come for debate training the also the question of her commitment towards the club last semester also can be brought up.

Even though she is the Vice President of the Debate Club but she was not acting as one. I remember what Swin said last semester on how he himself will be using meritocracy system of determining which debater will be coming along for any tournaments based on skills, self-improvement, commitment & presence record.

From here, I’m right now have a doubt in his meritocracy method which I fairly can question about Yaya’s appointment.

But there is no use to question these things right now as these people, these team would represent UiTM Sarawak and I believe that they will give their 100% effort to make things happen and come up with success.

Last but not least, this is my last chance to get a ticket for me to represent UiTM Sarawak in the Borneo Cup since this is my last year. Thus, the dream that I hope of can be fulfil and become true has been gone with the wind.

I totally respect the decisions. No doubt in that. I accept the judgement.

I would support them by giving any means of ways especially training B.J since he will be in the same team with Terrence and Paul.

All the best, guys!!!

Note: All the comments and thoughts is personally strictly from yours truly point of view and do not make any assumption on what has been said as my commitment in Debate Club is totally unquestionable.

Every bit of memory

I’m sorry to you guys for ain’t updating this blog in a while. Blame the exam and the paperwork that I need to do throughout the entire week.

Right now, there’s lot of things which are currently being playing in my mind. Either you like it or not, I’ll try to express every issue that I want to say right now and trust me, it can be quite personal.

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All this while those three girls and I were the most closest people in the group that I called “The Elite Club”. We usually have our lunch together with the groups and even when we finished with our class, we would have our tea time together or if it is already late due to night class or even a debate training, we would conjured together for dinner at the canteen.

But it lasted until two semesters only.

It all change when one of them started to have a relationship. Quietly and slowly, she become more further away from us. I still remember her quote saying that '”..I appreciate my friends more than boyfriend (if I have one)..”. Although she’s still hanging out with us but it only happen in a few occasion. Three times in two weeks if I my calculation is right. So it only left two of them together with me.

Due to a certain academic issue, one of them have to back off from the tertiary education. I was like seems lost for a while since she is the most closest girl with me. It like you lost a twin. So there is just one left.

And recently, I officially lost her due to the fact that she also start to have a boyfriend plus the previous girl whom return to the tertiary education also got herself a boyfriend which makes me……seems gone.

I dated so many girls in the campus but yet, I can’t recall on ANY occasion that I actually left them out. When I think of it all over again, I NEVER DO IT!!! EVEN ONCE!!! So much of the words that they uttered few semesters ago.

People do and does change. Yes, I do realise that but if the change gave a negative effect to me, I wouldn’t accept it. I’m a man of my word and I kept others promise; every single word that came out from their mouth; I do took it seriously. But since all three of them eventually falls to their own world already, perhaps I’ll just be an observer. See the situation and their life from afar and if anything bad happening to them, I’ll be there.

Yes, you and they could say that I already have so much of girls around my life. It’s true, indeed. But the feeling being around them isn’t the same as being around with you guys. Did you ever realized that?

I don’t blame the first girl-friend because she tends to go home after having the class. Where as for the second girl-friend, she already got a new circle with her; BAD ONES whom always influenced her to do something stupid; even she try to deny the fact but it is obvious. As for the third-girlfriend, she’s right now along with her boyfriend, as I see is leading towards to the “social outcast” status.

Why do I said that? Both of them try to control each other by not letting any guy or girl approach each other. I mean, even the boyfriend told off one of their male friend who actually helping those two to become a couple.

Love tends to make people blind and it is now applicable to the second and third girl-friends.

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For The Elite Club circle, let us see our journey down the memory lane throughout the semesters before you guys hit to pursue your degree.

Warning: It may bring back some issue

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On a separate issue, my parents would not allow me to go to represent UiTM Sarawak in debate after the exam. They said it is not an academic issue for me thus is not important.

I said to them, “Well, do you expect me to sit at the house and babysit for this whole one month!? What do I gain? Nothing!!!”.

And my mum came up with what she thinks a solution. “Okay, I give you green light to go but don’t expect us to give you pocket money to go there…”.

And I was like……”What!?”.

I mean, there’s nothing is what I could a sense of pride in their voice of having a son represent his university in a tournament.

Why?

Because they think that having me as the only English speaker in the house tends to make me like an “Englishman-wannabe” and try to be in the category of trying to be an “up” person.

In their eyes, speaking English is just to pass the exam and other than that is just for showing off that you actually can speak English.

Luckily I already brainwash my siblings to accept English as a way of the communication in the house.

Yet, about the “no-pocket-money-if-I-go-debating-in-West-Malaysia” is still an issue from me. *Sigh*

After searching and searching

I think that I already found her; the one whom I love the most.

No, there’s no transition between “LIKE” to “LOVE”.

Yes, there’s a “BUT”. If I make I move, all those things that we; he, her, me, you, they, us;  currently having right now I’m afraid that I would likely to loose it all.

Hence, I’ll be idle.

Do not ask me why.

I’ve seen with my bare eyes all these while of the destructive power of love.

The damage that has been done is much more worst than what hits Nagasaki and Hiroshima.

At least, you can rebuild everything from scratch; but not this one.

On you lost it, I will lost it; FOR GOOD.

Either to take the risk or not.

I choose NOT.

They are what is you

Friends are important. There are friends to hang-out, for group studying even there is friends for watching football together.

But the thing that I want to highlight here is the people whom you are mingle with.

Without you realizing it, the will reflect on what you will become. Either it will affect your attitude, characteristic or even your future path.

Thank God, through the entire journey of my life I’ve been stumbled upon people who really made me what I am today.

I was just an ordinary boy, thinking immaturely and always gave childish act or answer. You will feel astonish on how this bunch of people taught me the meaning of life; from my taste of music, food, place, ideology etc.

Unfortunately, not all of us as lucky as I am. Loads of them ended up with a bunch of bastards who only know the meaning of”LET’S ENJOY AND HAVE FUN 24/7” without thinking the consequences and the effect to their friends.

They taught you something which is really bad indeed without teaching you the good substance to make it balance; at least mine did.

It is really sad indeed seeing somebody that you really care so much change and it keep on changing themselves in the name of “Because they’re my friends.”.

Perhaps these bunch of people just sees you as a ticket to a goldmine or even a back stage package. Let see if you have those thing at the first place; would they actually want to approach you at the beginning?

Yet, lot of people when they meet up with new friends they tend to leave the old ones even without realizing them doing it. Giving an excuses such as “I need to care about my new friends feeling too…” isn’t acceptable especially when the old friends knew you way more longer than the new “ones”.

Hence, sometimes we must be aware of these matter because by choosing your social circle, it is either you end up JUST LIKE THEM or realizing it before it’s too late.

Late night call...

Finally I decided to solve the matter once and for all. For goodness sake, for 2 weeks in a row my head just kept on thinking about her. I need to settle things up so that I would continuing my life without once actually thinking of her and cause my productivity to decrease.

*dialling her number once* but no one answer....

*dialling her number twice* but no one answer....

*dialling her number for the third time* but no one answer....

Hence, I texted her saying, "Please answer the phone. I need to talk to you. That's it".

After I sent it, I try to call her again for the fourth time and.....

Hanim: Hello?

Me : Sorry to disturb you around this time Hanim but we need to talk, try to settle things up.

Hanim: But I'm really sleepy right now. Sleepy indeed *the funny thing is she didn't sounds sleepy at all*

Me : We need to settle things up before anything happens. Just answer my question please? I need to know about something. Is that guy is your new boyfriend? *my heart bled when I asked her that question*

Hanim: I felt really sleepy indeed Black...

Me : Hanim, we need to talk. Just answer me, would you?

Hanim: *hungs up*

So basically, you know which side try to avoid the problem; and try to run away from facing it compared to which side try to face the problem and try to settle things down.

But I won't giving up on trying to talk to her about this matter. Because at the end, I'm the one whom have the strength to make a grave upon it.

Finally…I arrived!!!!

Now, let s went back to the situation where Swinburne and me were stuck at LCCT.

Since both of us ran out of money, clothes and food; basically we are totally at our deepest moment ever. So there we are, starving and thirsty thinking our way to overcome the situation.

Swin called Miss L to inform her about our current situation. Apparently, her sister was on the flight that we suppose to broad. But by the time her sister knew about it, it was already too late. If not, taking her quote from Miss L, “I would take them at my next flight”.

As for Mr. Constitution, he actually done nothing to help us during the most devastative moment ever faced by both of us. Yes, I do realize if he was there with us he could do something but HE WASN’T THERE.

Mdm. Constitution was actually really worried about both of us. I mean both of us stuck in a foreign land with no money or clothes. She felt terrible for the situation that both of us were facing then.

Hence, since both of us are basically stuck at LCCT, we must figure out an idea on how to return to UiTM Shah Alam. This is due to the phone call that Swin made after we missed our flight. He said that if we went back to UiTM Shah Alam, Hafiz would take care of us; mind you that he actually lost his pet two days before he moved to his new house.

My mother called me two hours after we missed the flight stating that she already banked in RM100 to Swin’s account. Without wasting any time, Swin withdraw the money and by using that money we manage our way to UiTM Shah Alam. We took the bus and taxi with the overall amount of RM49.

When we arrived, the Novice Cup tournament has already started. By the time we reached at the Engineering Faculty building, we are already in the peak of frustration for what so ever reason that put us in the situation at the first place.

Swin were at his the most down moment in his life during that time. Imagine this; when he went to the tournament room and everyone greeted him, he just stares at them and don’t reply those greets. He faced Hafiz and he told Swin to wait him at the building’s car place.

By them time Hafiz said that to him, Swin went berserk. His gone mad towards everyone; me, Miss L, Fuad, Mr. Constitution, Hafiz and such. But I understand his emotion during that time. I don’t blame him. Even Fuad also do understand; no doubt upon that.

When Hafiz sent us to Kolej Perindu, Swin and I straight away went to the room and make ourselves calm. I bought a brush and a wash soap to wash the dirty clothes. And since both of us ran out of clothes to wear, we went to Wisma PKNS to buy some new clothes.

Both of us waiting for bus to UiTM after doing some 'shopping'

During the night, the other debaters from other campuses are quite surprised to see us. We told them what happened and basically, they just said “You guys are quite good at wasting government's money”. *laugh*

The next day, we woke up quite late and headed our way. Mind you that our minds are quite clear compared to yesterday. Since both of us already miss a lot of stuff that we suppose to do when we return to Kuching BY THAT TIME, we do our study and research in the Novice Cup operation room. When the tournament has ended its semi-final, Hafiz told us to book flying tickets back to Kuching. Since there were no flight ticket on Sunday available, I picked the opt to booked the ticket going back on Monday exactly at 6.40 p.m. The reason I did that is because if I book the ticket early in the morning like the previous one, there is a chance that both of us would miss the flight again.

So on the day of the flight, both of us woke up early and packed our bags. To avoid the same mistake being done; we told Hafiz that our flight is at 5.00 p.m. He arrived and we said goodbye to Fuad who have the sincerity to be with us throughout the day we missed our flight till the day of our departure.

Thank you Fuad for your companion during those hard moments. I'll remember it till death

Taking a picture with Yellow Coverageman before I leave the UiTM ground

We checked in early but something happened. Taking Swin’s quote, “Either the airplane hates us or Shah Alam loves us so much”. Due to the technical problem faced by the plane that we already board in, we have to change to another plane. It took us at least one hour before the airplane started to fly.

When we arrived at Kuching, I almost burst to tears when I saw my mother and brother waiting for me at the arrival gate. Swin and I headed to our own way; he went home and I headed to UiTM.

*the end*

Basically, that the story of us being stranded in Shah Alam for five days and I have to agree with Swin that this is the worst moment that we ever had. We also could not blame ourselves if we are traumatic for another flight again. Have to be note that the Malaysian Open will be held in Malacca next week. NO!!!!!!!!!

P/S: Mr. Constitution is having a depressed moment with the Financial Unit right now concerning to the flight ticket that we supposed to board in. Hehehe..

No more...

Due to the fact that people kept on deteriorating me because of the TEC & TDC blogs, I hereby saying that both of them are GONE.

THERE! ARE YOU HAPPY!?