Page 337 of 366

Dear December

Dear December,

 

When you came by the stroke of midnight, I’m welcoming you with open hearts because for me you are the most special month for me. Forget about Christmas, forget about the presents, forget about the snow, forget about the candies forget about Santa because December, all I wish is only one thing; for this year end with a happy ending.

 

There were a lot of heartbreaking, a lot of tears, a lot of difficulties, a lot of challenge and a lot of uncertainties faced me this year and I’m tired….I’m tired to go through it all. But when you came, you give me the strength to continue and to pursue my dream and to take care the ones whom I love.

 

Although I could feel there is a distance between him and I and somehow he try to avoid me; up until I wonder throughout the day either he is alright? Is he good? Is he okay? No text, no calls for days. Yet, I’m still here hoping you could use your December magic to make us like before; talking for hours in the phone, text unlimitedly, calling each other unexpectedly and the most important thing are knowing he smiles in the end of the line and uttering the word “I love you too”.

 

Despite there are more days to come before the year end, I’m looking forward upon how you would end it; either with happiness, sadness, joy or despair; I am waiting for it.

Page 187 of 366

These Are The Words

Narrowing to the gallows of loneliness, “Did you deter to come here on choice or force” one asked.

“No, not by choice nor force. My crying steps can’t think at this moment. It’s the rush of blood which told my body to keep on walking; slowly and gently; so the earth would not be hurt by the harsh thump” as young girl who’s heart is covered with scars attempt to jump into the dark hole…and the story end.

During the initial of the relationship, both are trying to learn and understand each other. Whether to realize that she is spoilt, dependable and keeps track of everything that resolves around or he who is still learning to be dedicated, focus upon the relationship and spend his entire time to listen everything that she says without any argue. Unfortunately, she could not handle long distance relationship. Thus, she had to let go. He: was devastated but decided to moving on with the row of pains.

In the second comeback, in fear upon that she would be afraid due to the distance; he called every fort day everyday; early morning, afternoon, late evening and a midnight call; in order to give her the assurance that he is there, beside her until she feel the non-existence of distance. Clearly, a modicum of loneliness will clutter and before she knows it, another guy knocked her heart and left the first who were struggling with few papers that ripping out his soul but yet, he survived. Being left again, he walks to the shimmering lights in the sky praying to be with her again; and this time for eternity.

When the third chapter was closing so no heartbreak would deteriorate any living being, he told her perhaps fate roaming around them to be with other people and makes them better for each other in the future. Before they knew it, again both of them fell into a deep affection but this time he play safe; he only keep the relationship in real social life; telling it to close friends and real people but for her, she wants the whole world to know as she believe sharing happiness with others is essential.

Clash of thoughts and loneliness covertly seeps into her mind by believing she is not be treat quite right create a chance for another guy to step in; whom she hide from the one who is facing excruciating endurance for his success in the future. Never once he cheat upon her; never; but she believe he is so. Hence, when her superior told her about disapproval towards him, she waited until he is over with his gruesome test to tell him about the news.

Despite the resistance of temptation, a news hovering her ear telling that he is currently cheating upon her where as he is not made her jump off to the end of the line. He listened with all hearts broken and shatter; the disapproval, the adultery; after all that he had given and sacrifice; she left.

He told her that he will wait even it takes another century while she oppose that this is the last. A beautiful relationship is not a myth to him. It does exist and in order for that to appear; mistakes, tears, heartbreaks, shatters and being hurt is the process to go through. Never he will stop hoping nor hate her in any way, that she, will be in his arms, eternally.

Page 173 of 366

A Beautiful Mess

Life does not seem have to be smooth all the time. By right, you eventually stumble on the old cracked pavements causing an ugly cut to the knee. Here you are, looking around for a clean white bandage but the only thing available in your denim jeans back pocket are a packet of white tissue.

It does not meant to cover up a cut; it is meant to wipe away the tears from the fall. But there are no tears; as you only laugh when you noticed that there is a little bump on the pathway and you did not noticed it because you were busy texting your crush; telling yourself love is blind has just been justified.

You noticed there is a bleed running down from the cut; thus, you grab the tissue and a red spot has taken its place. As look at it and smiled,your mind whisper to you by saying, “A cut on the knee is less painful than a cut in heart which is pitiful”.

A warmth of specious got you up back to your feet and as you saunter, you put back the tissue at the back pocket waiting for another stumble in paradigm.

Page 41 of 366

Lines of Regret

Once everything was extremely fine because you do things in order and ethical. Then, a little sense of trigger tricked you to act out of the system that causes a great damage.

Cheating is the last thing a loyal partner would expect but since a person would never satisfied upon what they have, they would do it anyway. Once they being caught, they would pray and hope that there will be a time machine so that they could alter the situation from happening.

Backstabbing always happen. Interestingly, the last person that you will think doing so will be the first one who would do it. Nothing much from facing the person asking for the truth upon the reason why they would betray you; as they would walk to the corner of the room and being silence.

There would be a lot of things that can makes you to turn the time back to when it begins but for time, it is their loss since it would never come back.

Your current action would determine the past and future.

It’s about insecurity and trust

Did you ever face this problem where your girl accuse you of cheating on her even though you’re not?

Even you’re not but why does she accuse you do?

There must be a solid reason on why she acting like that.

It’s mainly because of this thing called “INSECURITY”.

The reason that cause this problem is perhaps because she have been cheated by her ex in the previous relationship and even worst, every single man that she dated cheated on her in every occasion.

Therefore, it is you who will receive the full-blast even if the relationship just started less then a week. Nether less she is beautiful, stunning or even the most pretty girl in the campus ground, they still have the feeling of insecurity inside them. So there is no way of us trying to avoid those things.

Main reason is where there is this type of relationship where both of you just texting and rarely call each other, you put your relationship status as “In a relationship” but on her side is “Single” even though you send her a relationship request in Facebook, you never have an actual date and both of you never walk side by side in the campus ground because she doesn’t want her friends to know about both of you for the time being.

Hence, she doesn’t have any sort of solid proof that you are hers to assure her that you are hers, that you are loyal to the relationship and towards her too. Even if you ask her on what type of she wants for you and you will try your best to do it so that she could believe you, she couldn’t due to the cause that even she doesn’t know how to define a solid proof herself.

Another problem is TRUST. She couldn’t trust you that much because partly both of you just in the relationship. Maybe it is easy for guys since trust solidity is being build up day by day along with the relationship itself but it is not that easy for some girls since she does had a rough and hard time in the previous relationships.

In a nutshell, because of other guys whom she had commit play around with her feelings and her trust, it is you who have to receive the burden. It is you who have to reassemble the pieces; from the previous guy’s dirty job; within her but it is hard because some tiny fraction of the piece is under something which is hard to reach or out of your grasp.

Now, with INSECURITY and TRUST are the main issue, is there any solution to this matters?

No, there is no solution but there is ways to ease this issues.

First, INSECURITY. Stop telling her that “I wouldn’t do it”, “You’re the only one for me”, “Do believe in me” and such repeatedly. Why? It is annoying and do bear in mind how many times she had listen to this cliché’ answers from the previous guys she had dated, that she had commit with in the past? Psychologically, in her mind the more you’re saying those words, the more tendency her words is right because every guys that she dated in the past says will surely cheated on her.

Just tell her not more that THREE times or else she would be tired of you using the same answer or excuse. Do tell her that you would give her some space; meaning let her to have a calm period; until she is ready to text you back. Let her know that you are always be there for her; even she doesn’t have anything to share or to talk about; just ready to be there for her. In the other hand, it would assure her eventually that you are hers but it does takes time.

Second, TRUST. For a girl, you don’t get her trust easily. It’s their nature. The best thing is just be there with her and eventually she will open it up to you. Remember, TRUST is earn not given. Tell her that during the build-up of the relationship, it is also a process for you to learn on how to TRUST each other. Even she doesn’t understand on how that would be imply but gradually according to time she will get it subconsciously. If she keep on having TRUST problem over a period of time, just hang-on to that. Imagine that she had a 3 years long relationship with a man who in the end cheated on her, on how you want to make it clear and firm to her that she can trust you although you and her just started 3 months ago? It does takes time but eventually, the issue will wear off.

Try these recommendations to ease things up and God willing, if you do love her, it will work.

As strong as you were, as tender you go

It is hard for me on how to put these in words.

Frustration. Upset. Question. Disappointment. Crushed. Heartbroken.

Those are the things which plays in my mind right now. Even I’ve tried to find the answers along with the reasons, yet the doubt do not want to fade away.

It’s all began during the selection for the Borneo Cup 2010 last Monday.

After I just finished my class around noon, I bumped into B.J who said to me that there will be a try-out for the tournament at that night; he received a text earlier on. Along came Paul telling the same thing; he too received the message.

It was quite weird to have everyone being notified except for me but I just put it aside since I knew that everyone is trying to keep even  a single cent in their credit.

Earlier on, I thought that I would stay in the campus by Tuesday the very next day but due to the try-out, I have to go through the heavy rain in the midst of January to get my stuff at home and come back again to campus before 8.00 p.m.

Here I was; after being soaked in the rain, rushed to packed my none-complete stuff, go through the horrible traffic jam; in the room B430 getting all pump up, thanks to the adrenaline to give all my best.

Since it is an Asian Debate style; hence it is 3 vs. 3 people in that round. The debate start on the motion;

THIS HOUSE BELIEVES THAT GREEN TECHNOLOGY SHOULD BE TAX DEDUCTABLE

On the Government side;

• 1st Speaker (Prime Minister) : Yours truly, Rahman Sallehin
• 2nd Speaker (Deputy Prime Minister) : Yan
• 3rd Speaker (Government Whip) : Hando

Meanwhile on the other side of the bench, the Opposition were represented by;

1st Speaker (Leader of Opposition) : B. Terrence

2nd Speaker (Deputy Leader of Oppostion) : B.J

3rd Speaker (Opposition Whip) : Y.B Paul Racha

The adjudicators for the try-out were;

• 1. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Simon “Faizal Hakeem” Botley
• 2. Syed Nizamuddin Sayed Kassim a.k.a Swinburne
• 3. Sharifah Shazzea bt. Wan Akil Tuanku Abdullah (Yaya)
• 4. Jeff Johamson

Time Keeper;

Arthur Kulow

I, as the Prime Minister has set a very good and solid case indeed. Let me break it down to you on my case setup.

• Title :

• THBT Green Technology Should Be Tax Deductable

• Definition:

• Green Technology
• 1. Any technology that reduce the rate of carbon emission
•    during the production of a product.
• 2. Any types of method which is “environmental-friendly”
• Tax Deductable
• 1. Reduce the corporate tax
• Perimeter:
• Malaysia
• Problem:
• 1. Copenhagon accord has failed to meet 7 continue the Kyoto 
•     Protol.
• 2. Up to us (Malaysia) to make & start our own effort.
• Stance:
• To ensure the environment is protected from a long term effect for the sake of nature & humankinds. Plus, our goal is to reduce the carbon emission by 1/2 the amount during the 90s by 2050.
• Mechanism:
• 1. Reducing the corporate tax from 25% to 18% along with 
•    insentive such as a cutting from their utilies bill (water &
•    electrical bill)
• 2. It is open to all SMEs, big companies, plantations & factories.
• 3. Every company will submit an application form that will be
•     provided by Ministry of Enviroment (MoH).
• 4. After the form being submitted, inspection of the technology
•    and method will be enforce by the Department of Health.
• 5. A certificate will be given out to the company who meets the
•   requirements (refer to the Definition) and by using e-
• government, the list of the companies will be given to the
• Ministry of Finance & to the Inland Revenue Board (LHDN).
• 6. If any mishap happen, i.e they do not receive the benefit due
•    to unavailable of information in the LHDN system, they can
•    show the cert as a prove and LHDN will refer to the MoH.
• Points:
• Our step will encourage other nation especially in our region to follow our footsteps.
• Summary:
• I have said, mentioned and elaborate all the things that you need to know. If we do not do anything, we will put our nature in jeopardize and it will certainly will give a long-term effect to the nation itself. Hence, I beg to propose

That was my case setup. I have it all structured and gave the layout on what I would say to the adjudicators.

As for the opposition side led by B. Terrence, they came out with a radical approach (Simon Botley, 2010).

Instead by arguing the nature of the debate which is about principal, the opposition side has came out with an idea by giving a counter proposal;

• 1. Rather than deduct the tax, we give the companies including the international companies FREE TAX.
• 2. From there, they would use their profit to be invest in the R&D of green technology.
• 3. Thus, these companies can sell their green technology invention to other companies in the country by having the government controlling the market.
• 4. Government will adopt some of these companies (pre-GLC) and set up new companies which then the government would inject funding for the companies R&D of green technology.
• 5. It will act as a catalyst; by having these companies (reinvest 0% tax income & pre-GLC companies) as the first player in the green technology.
• 6.Plus, it would trigger the newbie to involve in the entrepeurnership.
• 7.The opposition has stated that they would gain back the money in 20 years time.

As you see, there are some fatal flaw in their arguments which my whip successfully pointed out. Kudos for that. For my DPM, she has done a very good job by giving out points on the reasons why we need to approve the motion even though she’s not that well in delivering speech but she could improve on that; job well done, Yan.

FYI, these try-out is for selecting the second team that will come along with the first team.

I swore that I just knew this thing when they want to start for the debate. As for the record, during the previous tournaments, I always being putted (assigned) in second group; hence I do not mind about who’ll be in the first team which they has already sorted it out.

In my mind, the first team would consisting of Swinburne and Jeff (duh, like obviously). As for the third person, I thought it would be either Paul or Terrence.

After the debate has come to an end, the time of truth were finally reveal.

Dr. Simon said that due to the misfortunate experience during the last Borneo Cup, UiTM Sarawak will be sending two adjudicators consist of Yaya and himself.

Afterwards, he announced the people who would be the first team;

• 1.Swinburne
• 2. Jeff
• 3. Hando

It was a bit shocking indeed seeing Hando in the first team but honestly, I do not mind due to the fact that Hando is a really good whip and having him with Swinburne; who is the best 1st speaker; alongside with Jeff; fantastic 2nd speaker; I personally think that it is a very dynamic team indeed. For that matter, I rest my case upon it.

Having the expectation and those excitement rumbling in my chest, Dr. Simon announced the names for the second team.

• 1. B. Terrence
• 2. Paul Racha

And by then he said something which makes my feeling starting not to feel good.

“Now, this may upset some people but I hope you can take this thing well. As for Yan, I’m sorry that you are not being chosen for the team due to the fact that you’re still lacking in delivering speech and we think that you need some more training.”.

Hence, it narrowed down to only B.J and me myself.

• .

• .

• .

• .

• .

• .

• .

• .

• .

B.J is selected for the third slot instead of me and the decision has been made anonymously.

The reason that has being given by the adjudicators to support their selection for the third slot is because;

1. B.J hardly involve in any major debate tournaments where as I already involves in some plus already acquiring many experience throughout the previous tournaments.

2. B.J has shown a lot of improvement compared to me which the adjudicators said “still at the same level”.

Now, I couldn’t argue more about point No. 1. Thus, I’m willingly stepping myself aside and having him in the seat. He deserves it and no hearts taken.

But, for the point No. 2, I hardly disagree with that statement due to the fact the adjudicators always seeing me debating where as for B.J, I couldn’t recall when the last time he debated.

In other words, if they want to make a comparison, please take standard of comparison and improvement when both of us; B.J & myself; last debating together.

For your additional information, the winning has fell to the Government side and I got the Best Speaker during the try-out.

Hence, taking the method of improvement from that night is not a really good way to determine the level of self-improvement due to the fact that Swin and Jeff has seen me debating less than a month ago compared to B.J which I think is more than 3 months.

Thus, the first question arise on the method by determining the debaters improvement method.

Now the second question arise on the selection of Yaya as the second adjudicator.

I myself earlier on questioning about this decision having the fact that she rarely come for debate training the also the question of her commitment towards the club last semester also can be brought up.

Even though she is the Vice President of the Debate Club but she was not acting as one. I remember what Swin said last semester on how he himself will be using meritocracy system of determining which debater will be coming along for any tournaments based on skills, self-improvement, commitment & presence record.

From here, I’m right now have a doubt in his meritocracy method which I fairly can question about Yaya’s appointment.

But there is no use to question these things right now as these people, these team would represent UiTM Sarawak and I believe that they will give their 100% effort to make things happen and come up with success.

Last but not least, this is my last chance to get a ticket for me to represent UiTM Sarawak in the Borneo Cup since this is my last year. Thus, the dream that I hope of can be fulfil and become true has been gone with the wind.

I totally respect the decisions. No doubt in that. I accept the judgement.

I would support them by giving any means of ways especially training B.J since he will be in the same team with Terrence and Paul.

All the best, guys!!!

Note: All the comments and thoughts is personally strictly from yours truly point of view and do not make any assumption on what has been said as my commitment in Debate Club is totally unquestionable.

They are what is you

Friends are important. There are friends to hang-out, for group studying even there is friends for watching football together.

But the thing that I want to highlight here is the people whom you are mingle with.

Without you realizing it, the will reflect on what you will become. Either it will affect your attitude, characteristic or even your future path.

Thank God, through the entire journey of my life I’ve been stumbled upon people who really made me what I am today.

I was just an ordinary boy, thinking immaturely and always gave childish act or answer. You will feel astonish on how this bunch of people taught me the meaning of life; from my taste of music, food, place, ideology etc.

Unfortunately, not all of us as lucky as I am. Loads of them ended up with a bunch of bastards who only know the meaning of”LET’S ENJOY AND HAVE FUN 24/7” without thinking the consequences and the effect to their friends.

They taught you something which is really bad indeed without teaching you the good substance to make it balance; at least mine did.

It is really sad indeed seeing somebody that you really care so much change and it keep on changing themselves in the name of “Because they’re my friends.”.

Perhaps these bunch of people just sees you as a ticket to a goldmine or even a back stage package. Let see if you have those thing at the first place; would they actually want to approach you at the beginning?

Yet, lot of people when they meet up with new friends they tend to leave the old ones even without realizing them doing it. Giving an excuses such as “I need to care about my new friends feeling too…” isn’t acceptable especially when the old friends knew you way more longer than the new “ones”.

Hence, sometimes we must be aware of these matter because by choosing your social circle, it is either you end up JUST LIKE THEM or realizing it before it’s too late.

Pejabat Kolej & I

Ladies and gentleman, please be ready for my usage of language after following this conversation below.

I really do not want to speak like this but due to the feelings that I must express, it indeed really help me to express it in the exact way that I want.

Bare in mind that I'm not the type of person who want to use this way writing but I have to; for the first time Black has to obey the todays blogging style among Malaysian teens.

***********************************************************************************
I just arrived at home feeling tired plus aching all over and I'm just having a short nap until my phone rang.

Pejabat Kolej: Hello, ini Muhammad Rahman ke?

Me: Ya, saya.

Pejabat Kolej: Ini dari pejabat kolej. Boleh saya tahu awak berada di mana sekarang ni?

Me: Saya sekarang berada di rumah. Ada emergency case.

Pejabat Kolej: Emergency case? Boleh saya tahu apa itu?

Me: Saya terpaksa jaga adik saya cause semua orang tidak ada kat rumah (half-true).

Pejabat Kolej: Awak tahu hari ini awak buat apa kan?

Me: Saya tahu. Saya perlu buat clearence hari ni.

Pejabat Kolej: Dah tu kalau awak dah tahu kenapa awak tak buat?

Me: Saya minta maaf sangat-sangat. Saya bukan sengaja.

Pejabat Kolej: Jadi, awak nak buat macam mana ni?

Me: Kalau saya bayar denda saja boleh?

Pejabat Kolej: Kalau macam tu, saya tanda awak tak clearence lah macam tu.

Me: Errmmm okay. Jadi denda tu RM10 kan?

Pejabat Kolej: Kita lihatlah macam mana nanti okay.

**********************************************************************************

I mean wtf bunyi statement akhir dialog itu macam nak ugut orang. Macam la kita bunuh orang or threatening people.

Aku bukannya sengaja tak nak clearence cuma masa sememangnya tak mengizinkan aku berbuat begitu hatta aku dah buat temu janji dengan pihak pejabat kolej macam sial tu!

Korang pun tahu yang aku bukannya seseorang yang suka memungkiri janji. Tapi disebabkan praktikal aku yang membuatkan aku letih macam sial (tapi ada masa untuk blogging kat Coffeebean) dan langsung tidak ada orang untuk menjaga adik aku kat rumah, semua tu berada di atas bahu aku.

Remember, FAMILY FIRST!

Dengar tak tu you fucking pejabat kolej!

Ha, kan dah kena sumpah dengan aku.

Padan muka.

P/S: Aku akan try to settle things up by this Friday kalau dapat.

One paper more to go BUT.....

Account paper will be starting at 9 a.m in the morning.
But then, it's already 12.20 a.m in the morning and I haven't start my revison yet.
Here comes the tense moment again.

After I finish the paper, I need to settle up the practical matters and also trying to catch Mr. Constitution about out confirmation going to Arau.

Then, there's the matter of accommodation problem between me and the college.
Damn!
I only have two days to settle and sort all these things out.
Two days!!!!
Wish me luck!

P/S: Gossip Girl and Facebook really distracted me a lot during this exam period. Darn.
Why now....?

Economy and it's sanity

To be frank, I'll have my Economy paper tomorrow and still didn't bother to learn.

Why oh why my course have to learn economy?

It's not like I'll turn into a banker or something.

And what is the link of "Ladang" with economy?

I still can't obtain the correct, exact and right answer to the question.

Hopefully, tomorrow's Economy paper will touch about the economic recession that has been a global subject in the whole world because; it is not I'm being proud or such; for this type of question, I will get the top marks among of all my classmates.

Darn, I still can't focus myself to study?

It's like I'm allergic to question that has numbers?

And how on earth I'll try to cover up 3 months of chapters in a single night?
.
.
.
.
Pray for me....

Unsatisfied

Hear ye hear ye!!!!
UiTM Sarawak has disable the server that gives the DNS and WINS address for your wifi!!!
Hence ALL students can't surf the internet due to that fuckin' stuff!!!
It has happened last year; also during the mid-year exam.

What I will do?
I'll go to the IT unit and ask them what is wrong.
If they come up with a stupid answer, I'll do something about it.
EVEN IF I HAVE TO PUT MY SKILLS ON THE LINE!!!

FOR THE SAKE OF FRIENDSTER, MYSPACE, FACEBOOK, BLOGGING ETC.

P/S: Yes Stiff, it is also for the sake of MOB WARS.