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Leaving 2013

Challenges can appear in many shapes and forms. Most people could endure the physical obstacles, have bruises all over their body and yet, they still survive. Some people could be torture intensively yet the firm believe that they possess would never change or to be alter. But when it is about emotional challenges, no one could survive entirely from being suck into its monstrous whirl. If you do survive, you will be barely able to breath as it suffocates by filling your lungs with all the problems you have. If you do survive, in a way it does not kill you. Instead, it will make you stronger.

Universally, everyone are afraid of loss. Afraid of loosing something which have a sentimental value to you is one thing. When we realize that we lost it, we would turn the earth upside down because during that moment, thoughts is running in our head. We try to ease ourselves by saying we might perhaps misplace it and at the same time all the sentimental memories are replaying in your mind.

How about if you loose a best friend, a true friend and a lover in one blow? Could your emotion could cope and bear with the cancerous pain that you have go throughout the year? Apology and reconciliation could make a difference but what if the other side refuse to accept the sincerity? And sometimes you have to accept things would not be the same as it was.

Thus, approaching new year, leave those bitter memories behind but bring hope and faith with you because possibilities of those persons returning into your life is still there. Only now, you have to use going through your life in the new chapter without them in the mean time. They will be back, they will return and when they do, they will stick and stay around forever.

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Isolation Of A Confounded Heart

Nobody's perfect, we screw up, we make mistakes, have heartbreaks, go through hard times but you need to know that this is life. Nothing comes easy, no relationship last years without terrible fights, there is no better partner who could understand you better without making a terrible mistake to you in the first place and there is no happiness without sacrifices.

It is easy to give up. It is easy to walk away. It is easy to face yourself to the corner.It is easy to tear someone’s heart. It is easy to disappear without any explanation. Everything seems easy to be done, dodging the problem, avoiding the reason and running away from the root cause.

There will be a period where you will be at your lowest point and you will push away all of those people who are meant a lot to you; your lover, best friends and others. You will be in your own world questioning everything that happen and resolve around you. Depression makes you isolated. It's very hard to think of other people when you're wrapped in a prickly blanket of sadness and all you can think about is your own pain.

The one whom will be affected the most is indeed your partner. When he tries to call, you refuse to answer. When he text, you refuse to reply. When he want to be closer, you push him away. He is doing all his best within all his might; ignoring his time, studies, friends even taking care of himself; as he is very worry about you. He keep on telling himself that perhaps it is all is his fault; a fault that you never mention, say or explain; letting him alone being eaten by his own mind. He never pointed out to you and say it is your fault; never; because to him, his wrong doing more terrible. Thus, he feels that he is not qualify enough to blame anyone, especially to the person he loves.

The only thing that he wishes is listening to your voice, grasp your hand, kiss it and pull you into his arms telling you everything is going to be fine, keeping on apologizing for a mistake that he not known of. He loves you very much and he could not more endure so much pain of being pushed away by the girl that he loves. Ignoring it all, he is closer than you think but keeping his distance afraid of you might running away to a place that he is not aware.

As you are keeping on searching and knowing about yourself, he is patiently waiting at the other end, keeping on fighting all the possibilities that he might loose you and keeping on holding to himself that both will be finally reunited together, forever.

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Wiping The Tears

Tears is different from a cry. You can cry without tears but you could burst to tears without crying. This is due to mix feelings that implore within us that could not make it justify as sadness, happiness or bitter some; the emotion plays the role.

When there is no words to describe it, only tears could express what we feel inside; either in front of public or alone in the room; and it is best comes with a hug from the person whom we are care about.

Feelings of being betrayed, sensation of joyfulness or being angry to someone all can be express by this one simple expression but hard to show it out since people perceive tears as a weak epitome but for those who understand, it is a sign of strength and the willingness to show what you feel deep down inside.

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Boxing Day

When you receive my heart, promise me to take care it well. Uplift it with care as it is more fragile than a flake of snow. Unwrap it with care as you might scratch the surface. Do place it up high in your heart so it won’t be reach by anyone who want to penetrate into your heart and destroys mine.

When you own my heart, bring it always with you no matter the place, time and situation. Please do be reminded that I am yours and it is your responsibility to keep it shiny, clean and beautiful during your possession. Never let it go; no matter what would happen; never let it go.

When you returning my heart, make sure that it is in a good shape just like what I gave it to you before; no stains, no crack and no scratch. If you are returning it in pieces, do collect all those pieces including the fine ones, put in a box and return it to me. No matter what happen, for me, this heart..this empty lonely heart always belongs to you.

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Closing My Eyes On Christmas

As I woke up in the morning and looking through my window, white flakes of snow dropping from the sky, I knew right away it is Christmas morning. But the excitement that always jumping inside me is no where to be found. It is like the Dementors are there right at the side, sucking out the happiness from me.

I’m unable to get out from the bed because I don’t want to. I want you to be here hugging me from behind, snuggling and cuddling with me on the sheets. Never leave the bed unless we are hungry.

Those were my Christmas wish…before you left without telling me the reason behind it. Many times I called and text, you did not pick up nor reply. I keep on asking for giving us another chance, no answer. You let me daggling from one snow flakes to another waiting for it to fall to the ground and letting me to get burry underneath it; letting me go to see Him with unanswered questions.

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Holding Breath

You ran to win his heart. You pretended that you are not interested when he read your hint. You are together with him after he convinced that both of you would not be apart. Hands held tight, lips touched and by each second, both of your body getting closer and closer until became one.

Listening to his voice for hours, staring deeply into his dark hazel eyes, running through your fingers through his hair and laid on his chest for the entire day listening to his heart beat were the only best things upon how you wanted to spend your day; with him.

He said he is done; with you, with the relationship, with everything; he is completely done. You begged, you cried, you hope and prayed that he will turn back and run to you but the more you look to the horizon, the more he is getting further and farther from your sight.

Out of tears, your chest inhale and exhale rapidly, confusion, regrets and all emotions sipping through your mind. As you tried to hold your breath, you keep on saying to yourself that you are strong enough to face this. But as a mere mortal, we could hold our breath long enough. You loose it; breath exhale…together with tears and sobbing.

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Lips and Heart

There will come to a point where the relationship seems redundant in one’s eyes. They thought it is not worth it to be in it; wasting their time thinking over matters that put their heart in a fragile situation, making them feels vulnerable inside.

Hence, they decided to leave but before doing so, they go up to you and speak out their mind but upon what they might say it is not entirely true. They said to you that they are leaving but their heart stay; believing in chances that they do not want to tell you because they afraid you will screw with their heart and emotions again.

You simply does not have any idea upon what it is going on but you told them that you will keep on fighting to make the relationship works and there you are, ten months standing still.

Silently, their heart does still care, missing you, loving you and hoping that you will change. You might crack their heart with you unintentional action and burst their trust when you do something stupid; but they are still there waiting for you to make amends, to make them feel appreciated and to make them feel loved.

Their lips might say they are done but their heart does not.

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When You Have Someone Else

When you have someone else, do tell me. Don’t hide it. Don’t avoid it. Truth hurts but at least I know there is someone that could make you feel happier compare to me. Do love her as you love me, do take good care of her as you take good care of me and do appreciate her as upon how you appreciate me.

When you have someone else, I won’t blame you for everything for what has happened. I know there is a reason upon why you did it and without you uttering it, I know it was me because you will not go to someone else if you are happy with me on the first place.

When you have someone else, do not avoid me. Let us sit down and talk and tell me everything upon why you are unhappy with our relationship. I will listen to you relentlessly, tirelessly listening to each words, each diction, each sentences. Be clean,clear and explain thoroughly to me what I did wrong so I would take it as a self lesson.

When you have someone else, don’t ever left me hanging. Because if you do, I will become aimless as I have no one to be depend upon. From there, I’ll die of suffocation since my air to breath is no where to be found.

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Pandemonium of Melee

As she walks swiftly along the park, her mind is in worry. For the past few days, he did not called nor picking up the phone. She tries to comfort herself by thinking perhaps he is busy with his new job that made him landed on the bed by the time he reaches home.

Yet, with fifty seven calls that either ended up in his voicemail and on his screen notification; only once he replied to her call and the conversation barely last a moment. She misses him so much; too much that she drowned in the deep longing pit.

Inside, she is deteriorating but she is still keep on fighting. All the words that he said; about he is done with the relationship; really causing her heart to bleed and each second that passes by, the pain grows. But she believe that the relationship can be save.

She begged him to stay as she is trying to rectify herself; being better for him but he keep on ignoring her believing that she will not be. Alas, he was right. It was only one mistake and he throw piles of guilt to her. She seeks for forgiveness as she is just an ordinary girl who will make mistake. A mistake that she had done without her realizing it and he says he is done.

No more sign of her existence in his book but she knows that he is not entirely leaving her because she still can feel his presence in her heart…in her mind. As she keep on trying to prove him that she is trying to be better, trying to be a better partner for him but she worries that mistake would happen again; thus costing her loosing him for good.

He does still care, he does still love and he do but he would not show it as he would feel afraid that she will take him just for granted. Deep down inside, he does not leave as he will keep on watching her from afar. He loves her and he will keep on stay but he needs her to prove that she is worth it to have him and by looking upon her effort, it will be decide solely by himself.

As for her, she does not want him to leave. She just wanted him to be there right beside her, grasping her hands saying that everything will be fine; and it will.

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Dim Light

Nine more days to Christmas. Shopping malls are fill with people doing their present shopping and to ensure they got the best gift for their love ones. But in the spirit of Christmas, it is not just about giving someone whom you care and love expensive stuff.

It is about the moment that you spend with them from the start till 25th December. Decorating the Christmas tree, making plans together for Christmas eve and spending quality time together by taking a week of leave from work; that is what matters.

Sometimes, it is about being truthful towards each other before Christmas because you want to celebrate it with a clean slate. None to hide, nothing to be scare of. It might be the worst gift before Christmas; sincerity; but it depends upon how you would accept it.

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True Friends

Everyone need companionship. Everyone needs friends. A friend who accept them as they are; despite anything bad related about you; they still accept you as you are and in return, you accept them as they are, for whom they are. No judgment.

When they know something which could break your heart to pieces; they just keep it to themselves because they don’t bear to see you getting hurt because of you; despite the devil is someone else. Perhaps for you, it is a type of hypocrisy but they actually have a good reason for not to.

Though thick  and thin; they will be there. Despite distance and challenges, they would free up their time for you, not looking up upon free time to spend with you. These are the people who would you depend on at your most vulnerable moment. Keep them, cherish them. Do not ever waste them nor taking them for granted. A good a friend is a good soul.

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Heavy Breath

There will be that moment you have done everything. There will be that moment where you feel tired. There will be that moment that you feel you want to give up. There will be that moment where you feel just want to close your eyes.

So you lean to a wall, inhale your breath with all your might. You hold to it long enough until you feel your chest burns and with one blow, you exhale all the burden out from your mind..from your body.

You thought it clatters around but all of them are standing still in front of you; await the is right moment to slip inside you and keep to put on those weight to your chest. There is no easy way out. The only way to destroy it is to face and solve it; with the right way, a satisfaction could be achieve.

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Pensée Profonde

There is a say, “A relationship consist of two lovers and other people who want to see it end”. It fills with nowadays truth as a relationship is mostly about people’s perception. If they do not like the relationship or even the girlfriend or the boyfriend; they would make a whisper from the other side; encouraging one of them to pull the plug.

That is where deep thought put into place; one connected to the heart and another line to the mind. Initially, ask yourself upon the reason why you are in a relationship in the first place? Is it because of chemistry? Is it because of you are lonely? Is it because you are touched of their effort wanting to be with you?

These are among of questions that should running through your mind but choose only one. Not two, not three; because it will jumble up your thoughts, sending your heart to a complicated dilemma.

Ironically, when you are actually making a decision yourself, some people see this as an opportunity and most of this people live within your social circle who loath seeing you with your partner and prefer you to end up to a person up to their choice; not yours.

Those are the people who keep on telling you that your partner is not the one, that they only fooling around with your feelings and telling bad qualities of the person whom you love, whom you care. And what would you do when that happens? Just stand there and do nothing? No, you stood up for your lover and telling them that it is about your relationship and the relationship is solely yours, not them.

Consequences when you let their words to your thought could affect your heart greatly; it kills….it kills the feeling you have to the person whom you love. From there, you will forget why you are with them on the first place, upon the reason you want to stay, diluting the chemistry between both of you and it will lead to a irreversible decision, thus might lead to a greater suffer not just to you but your partner as well.

And when it happens, those people whom dislike the relationship will clap their hand as sign of victory while both of you slowly dying in a pain full of longings towards each other.

Ending this, do stay with your partner despite the challenges by feelings, people around you and the fright thought of loosing. Communicate, understand each other and do not ever leave; no matter what. If you do that, if you commit to your partner, happiness will be waiting at the end of the road.

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A Cry of A Gemini

A Scorpio once said, “I’m afraid of a lot of things but mostly, most sincerely, I’m afraid of being unraveled by you and you finding nothing you want in here.”

For Gemini, these words have a lot of meaning behind it. First, it shows that how Scorpio have the fear of loosing someone that she loves and in many occasion to other Scorpios, they let this feeling slips inside and causing it to grow every time the insecure rises.

Thus, it leads to the love towards their partner starting to fade slowly to oblivion. Without their acknowledgement, the lost of love and passion is just pseudo. It is not washed away because of Scorpio herself but merely by the existence of cannibalistic cut, insecurity and jealousy.

Secondly, a Scorpio will try as best as she could, with all her might to make the relationship to work out. But sometimes, in the initial stage of the relationship, their partner still try to catch up upon the unique complexity of a Scorpio, until by the time their already figure it out, Scorpio runs out through the door assuming that she failed them due to the partner did not show to her a symbol, a sign or an expression of worthiness and galore to having her as their half.

Despite all of the perception made by Scorpio, a Gemini could see it through because one gift a Gemini have are the ability to foresee what will happen, the gift of an excellent analytical emotionize thinking and the strength of going through a very delicate moment. So as Scorpio winding her way to apt of endless, Gemini pulled her hand and lay her on his back while Gemini struggling thorough the streams of hopeless end.

He never give up upon of what he believes in despite the other stars telling Scorpio that it would not work; that the gravity pull will loose its tension upon the believe of love. As Scorpio like to keep things that hurting her to herself, she will never conceal it to others except for Gemini; but in an indirectly way. If Gemini could read the sign or if he unable to, it is totally up to him. Scorpio would not tell him no matter how worst the situation has become.

Therefore, a Gemini would fall into a slump and on that instant, Scorpio would let go her arms around Gemini’s neck and make a run through the open door. But a dearly Gemini knows it. By using his determination, his foot make a leap using the pit wall and land just right in front of the door and almost bump into her where one foot of Scorpio have step out of the door.

There is no turning back. One tries to leave and one tries to prevent it from happening. The stars sparkling in the sky uttering the mantra to encourage Scorpio from leaving the room and in that tension, Gemini able to grab the door and shut it causing the Scorpio’s one-outside-leg to slides in.

Gemini tells Scorpio that he is there for good and would be there for Scorpio as she tries to push him away. She is done she said. She is tired she said. Suddenly, Gemini pulls out a knife made of unicorn’s horn and stabbing himself right in the gut. He tells Scorpio not to panic as what he wanted to do is to gives out half of his heart, passion and love to fill in the hollow caused by cannibalistic feeling.

As Scorpio slowly putting it inside, she says that she would gives up herself Gemini but with condition. Once he commit the sin that caused Scorpio running to the door, there will be no looking back. No more.

Gemini hug her as he is in tears mark his words that it would never happen again because unlike the others who failed with other Scorpios, he was able to figure out the omen between the border of too late and just in time.

He will remember. He will commit. He will treat Scorpio with comfort, love, passion and the most important and the most essential; believe. Believing upon her, believing in the relationship, believing in forever.   

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Away of A Heart

By the moment you knew what is love, people keep on telling you to do not jump into relationship; and from there they started to give you numerous tragic love story to scare you off as if the relationship is some kind of disease.

This is what you thought until we end up being hurt; as the option to leave the relationship is not in your matter, is not in your say, is not in your decision; when they choose to walk away, the would walk away.

You did everything you could to restrain them to walk away, but all failed. They think you could be better without them, but the truth is, you don’t. Every time, we keep on thinking about them, it distract us from the everything that we do. Our concentration is not with us, it is with them; which they bring it along and it cost you unable to focus upon what you did.

That is why you keep on holding on, even they said their say but you said it is not over. It is a simply a giving up from the other side and it is upon you to return the hope back to its place. Actions needs to be put, effort being put on and hopes that does not fail.

They would return and by then, they will stay for good.

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White December

It is the month where we wait for snow to cover the grounds, covering the trees and grounds, putting a white layer of new earth to the mountain and thus making the world to look pure as no stains could mess its white.

As beautiful as might be, sometimes it makes us feel uneasy as the its getting thicker and thicker for us to finish our day. From there, no more wish for snow, everyone will seems to ask it to leave but it will keep on coming; until the winter ends.

Thus, for ourselves who always keep on say bad things about others; even it is true; we cannot hold it to do not shown up; it is apart of someone. Perhaps it would bring to a crisis but accept them as who they are and they will accept you as what you are; not two thumbs are the same.

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Dear December

Dear December,

 

When you came by the stroke of midnight, I’m welcoming you with open hearts because for me you are the most special month for me. Forget about Christmas, forget about the presents, forget about the snow, forget about the candies forget about Santa because December, all I wish is only one thing; for this year end with a happy ending.

 

There were a lot of heartbreaking, a lot of tears, a lot of difficulties, a lot of challenge and a lot of uncertainties faced me this year and I’m tired….I’m tired to go through it all. But when you came, you give me the strength to continue and to pursue my dream and to take care the ones whom I love.

 

Although I could feel there is a distance between him and I and somehow he try to avoid me; up until I wonder throughout the day either he is alright? Is he good? Is he okay? No text, no calls for days. Yet, I’m still here hoping you could use your December magic to make us like before; talking for hours in the phone, text unlimitedly, calling each other unexpectedly and the most important thing are knowing he smiles in the end of the line and uttering the word “I love you too”.

 

Despite there are more days to come before the year end, I’m looking forward upon how you would end it; either with happiness, sadness, joy or despair; I am waiting for it.

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The Chaser

There he was, recalling all the memories with a person whom he called “amour”. The flashback mix with the good and the bad ones started to make him choke because an urge of manly tears abrupt.

How he could loose her in the first place? He himself agree that in the early relationship it is about learning to understand about each other but as he learn he more, bit by bit, day by day; she decided to put off the spark.

Hence, left him with an empty dark gallows that a heart crumpled dying slowingly. He told himself to move on but the trace of her still live inside him; leaving the heart excruciatingly.

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Magic Dust

Dear magic dust,

I still remember first time I met him in a place I know so well. From afar, I was laying my eyes upon the person who possessed a beautiful smile alongside with cute dimple on each cheek. I poised myself, trying to be around him while collecting the courage to speak up, even to say “Hi”, it would be enough. But you gave more than that.

There were you on his hair; perhaps reciting the love chants. When I noticed, I came up to him and brushed his hair subconsciously. When I realized of my action, my heartbeat became fast and there he is smiling and while extending his hand to me, he said “Thank you, miss …..?”. And our magic moment began.

Dear magic dust,

Thank you for inspired him to wrote sweet messages, letters and cards. Initially, I was hesitated upon how he would bring this relationship to another level and there you are again made him to rubbed his eyes because “There is dust in my eyes”. I softly blew his eyes and when we found ourselves looking directly into each other’s eyes, he proposed. I was once again feel blessed.

Dear magic dust,

It seems like he is far from my reach. Something about him change. Please, I beg you…bring him back to me. I miss talking to him for hours in the phone, texting him endlessly and cuddling while feel his warmth around me. I love him so much. Without him, there would not be the left of me no more.

Dear magic dust,

He is everything to me. He is my air. He is my sight. He is my soul. He is my life. For me, he is the one; whom I want to devote my life to and to whom I want to called as my partner for life. Let death make us apart and let marriage be our unbreakable bond.

The vow we will utter, the words that we meant; let is be the eternity chant which make us belong to and only to each other.

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Unseen Suffocation

There will be that moment when you think that he does not care. There will be that moment where his hug as not as tight as before. There will that moment you think that he ignores you. There will be that moment you feel tired being treated that way. There will be that moment when you want to walk away.

You told him that you want to walk away but he keep on holding you from going away. Day by day he hold you longer but you feel like you are trap in a room with the exit being shut tight. You eagerly want to get up and run to the door to get away as if claustrophobia hits but the door is still close.

He keep on asking you whether you are fine or not but the truth is he did just hold on tight. The longer he do this, deep inside you are dying. But he knows that there is something wrong. Something that you do not telling him. He can sense that but he choose to remain silence because he is afraid it will drift you further. Yet, he also believe the commotion between you and him can be solve.

All that he needs is time and real communication; nothing to hide, nothing to hold on. Spill everything, utter every words and listen intently. When he already hear all the things that he needs to hear and it is still unfixable, then…..then it is your call.

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Reminiscence

Shattered pieces in every corner of the room, tears running down the cheeks, internal devastation; one word could describe the situation, break-up. It has been a week since the torment but the pain still pinching on every possible exposed bleeding wound.

She did not nothing wrong. She did not argue. She did not cheat. She done her best.

He left.

Holding tight to his shirt, she sniff it as she misses him so much…protruding longing, hoping for the last kiss, the last hug and having him playing the skin flute for the last time. As the sobbing is getting heavier, the song of “The Loneliness” by Babyface could be heard inside the room.

The pain is excruciating. Her family and friends want to be there for her but she rather being left alone because for her, the pain could never be share..it could never be split to pieces…unlike the heart that he smashed to smithereens.

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Early Rise

The sun ray starting to fill the room and your eyes dazzled. Still puckering while rubbing your eyes, you got your back up against the bed. Seeing the person whom you met last night still sleeping right next to you, a kiss to the shoulder and slowly but surely, the person whom introduced self as Robin, turns around.

“Good morning.” as Robin smiles showing a pair of cute dimples while kissing your lips lightly.

“I had a great night, Taylor. The best I’ve had so far.”. Her hands starts to linger around Taylor’s bare chest while looking at him straight into his eyes.

Taylor smiles and as he wants to grab his pants right at the side of the bed, there is an interruption from Robin’s hand whom flick away his fingers from grasping his skinny worn out coloured jeans.

“It’s still early…and I can see a swollen package” she whispered.

By then, none of them wants to leave the room and last night journey is being replay.

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Just A Sip

Morning routine starts again. After dressing up ready to face the day, you decide to use  Clinton Street as you want to get your regular cup of Joe. Along the journey, your mind starts to organizing the list of things-to-do and imprint it hard so none will lost in the crumbs of thoughts.

Arrived at the café while being greet by the aroma of Arabica coffee, you look at the display chiller and decide to have a Crème brûlée one the go but then you realized that it is not a good idea. So asked the waiter to send your Italian café mocha and the Crème brûlée to the empty small table fit enough for two outside.

There you are while taking out the unfinished book that you have been reading for the past two weeks, The Promises, and ignoring the eternal world as you are exploring the serene of every words, every dialogue, every plot and enjoying the storyline.

A cup of hot coffee with a pastry and a book; nothing would be perfect than this.

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Doubt And Suspicion

Every one wants to deliver the best within a relationship because dedication, effort and thoughtfulness are the keys of maintaining the bond for two person whom falling in love with each other.

But when one started to sense that they are something wrong with their partner; insecurity emerge out without an invitation and resolve around affecting the mind that caused a lot of bad thoughts within the affected ones.

Reading status from their lover that does not portray any sentiments of passion but more to inner conflicts, status that came with a heart symbol which follows numbers that you do not familiar with and upon how phone calls and texts are not as long as it is used to be; suspicion and doubt occur.

“Is there another person?”, “Is my love is going to breaking up with me?”, “Is my love cheating on me?”,  “Is it something that I did?” and lots of suicidal mind questions will pop out in their thoughts. It is not good. It will kill them. Thus, throughout their day will only suffocated with questions.

When they ask, the only answer they would likely to receive is either silence or a vague answer such as “Don’t worry….it is nothing.” without further due explanation. Hence, the suspicion elevated and doubt plays its role by manipulating our mind.

There is nothing we can do except wait until things explains by itself or our love open up to us. When it does happen, be ready to accept the worst because it might cause you to be devastated.

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Reassurance

There would be a moment when you feel the relationship is trembling, the feelings of non-existent within, suffocation and much more symptoms that caused the cloud of unhappiness plastering your mind.

Is it uncertainties? Is it confusion? Is it doubt? Or is it your mind messing up with you?

Perhaps it is indescribable but when the clock strike, are you ready for it? The will and the ability to overcome the dark thought that might hurting not just you but your partner as well as they are being left without any answers due to your sudden change of behaviour.

Maybe the uncertainties has come and chime its way in. The coherent going through the mind and the heart by telling you that jealousy and the fear of being hurt has reach its peak. Thus, causing the dark cloud spreading the dark seed.

Reassurance and constant communication between you and your partner is vital; despite whatever decision that you might come into; because two minds shares the same heart and the responsibility is held by both parties.

Relationship of passion and love are the best thing that might ever happen to both. So do not waste it to the sewer. Lift it up. Let world to see. No dark cloud should be a villain. You are the villain…to the dark ashes and seeds.

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Giving Space

In the early phase of relationship, everything seems so perfect between you and the person whom you adore to kisses every day, every night and every time. In each different moment both are learning to be the best for each other by observing and always thinking upon how to love their half even more.

Each day, they love each other as if the first time they met. But somehow, along the way the spark starting to loose it friction and perhaps from there, it caused the other to feel something tingly in the tenure of relationships.

Perhaps the half would ask for some space but for the other half, it will create a cumulated stories of possibilities upon where the direction of the relationship goes. A deep affection and romance towards the half does create a massive insecurity.

Hence, how does one cooperate with the other? Only one way, being face to face, holding each other hand and  discuss. Every words that be utter follows by love and the feel of the heart itself.

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Silence

Here I am questioning to myself whether I did something wrong in the relationship? Did I commit a sin that could jeopardize the future of two individuals who is currently deep in love with one another.

I’m trying to be the best and so does my half but sometimes the silence every time I seek whether there is something wrong from my half does makes me tried to understand her more.

Love does create crazy thoughts and actions but it is how you want to keep the spark and the relationship alive.

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Under The Light

Let there be light. Its existence has created more than brightening our world. In a deeper meaning, how much it has affect ourselves.Perhaps in a lonely journey heading towards our goal, shit happens in between. You tripped, receive an arrow right to the knee or fall into the abyss; light is the one thing you seek.

It is more than brightening the world. It is a symbol. A symbol of hope, upon what lies ahead and a symbol of not giving up. The warmth motivates and push you to endure all those terrible things and swallow it despite how hurt it is going down your throat.

None the less, you will end up being stronger and experience the whole wide perspective in live not because of darkness; but because of light.

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Phone Call

Voice, is among one of the things that your sense will pick up when you were born and until now; despite numerous alternative method to communicate; listening to the voice of the person whom we love is the most serene one can indulge.

Either using a house line, a payphone or perhaps through a mobile phone, we never tire upon this way of connecting to the person. Just by listening to their voice, we feel secure and calm as text does not deliver this way.

There are listening and speaking; in which one party must choose only one. Hence, it train you to be a better listener towards others. You will never find this in text, WhatsApp nor BBM. Lastly, the most beautiful thing about a phone call, the assurance of self that the person actually spend their time for you and talking to each other is the proof that no other method could surpass it.

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Dandelion

For some people, seeing a beautiful round white dandelion shooting up from the ground, they would immediately pluck it and gently blow it as the little stalks starts to fly away following where the wind would scatter it.

For some people, seeing an ugly weed populating their garden cause them to terminate all of them as they perceive those dandelions as something useless and meaningless. They will try with all their might to wipe it out due to the meaning of beauty are totally different.

Life is just like a dandelion. People would appreciate you and some people would try to make you drown. We cannot make all of them happy about us; perhaps because of jealousy or their own nature to do no like you.

But for the people whom appreciate you as you are, feel bless as those people who are real catalyst that make you as what you are right now; even though they are from your past, present or future; be bless.

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There Is This Girl…

There is this girl who is waiting for the right one. She does not do any searching as she lives in the world of fairytales that her prince charming would meet her underneath the crepuscular rays. None she knows things would not be fall right into her arms as she is blinded and captivated by the happily ever after. Hardship does not even come to her mine thou Snow White have to suffer before meeting the one.

There is this girl who found the person whom completes her. Despite the aurora shining above them, she is struggling to keep the aurora from not going away. Her fear of a storm that would put off the beautiful light made her putting a shed over it but it is too big to cover. Restless yet determine as she try to shoe off potential stealers but deep inside her heart, her uttermost fear; the aurora would break up and leave her alone underneath the dark rainy cloud drench in soulless pieces.

There is this girl who is hoping the one that walk away returning to her yet death cannot be undone. She thrives for strengths, fight for happiness and endure the pain; just to release herself from a broken shattered heart. She believe in chances, thus hurting herself every time when they get back together. Never she knew the only way out is to let go whom she think is the one.

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Untold Silence

Some people enjoy the quietness when they sleep underneath a tree, when they read a book or just sit with their couple; doing nothing, say nothing. Just sitting there side by side knowing the existence of completeness. However, those are good silence which every person seeks for its serene.

Silence that could hurtful is when the person that you love, whom you care and protect chose to ignore you alongside with your existence. Perhaps it was caused by a mistake or things that you did which hurt them deep. Days and months have passed but no words, no mumble, no laughter; even a slighter smile; cease to see.

We sometimes tried our best to engage with them but they keep on pushing us and giving a response to do not allow us in their gravity. It is sad and the worst part is that you miss the person. They never told you the reason why the did it nor giving us a hint about what has happened. For them, there is no us. It is just you and me.

Once inseparable are now apart.

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Nowadays Morning Lifestyle

Lets us forget about waking-up-in-the-morning-feeling-like-P. Diddy because we are not living in Ke$ha’s song. By reality, we wake up in a messy look, rubbing our eyes and starts to look for your phone at the side of the bed. Thus, your finger start to roaming around the homescreen, tap the little bird symbol and reading the timeline; it is your official morning social newspaper.

No more going down to the front door nor go the nearest newsstand to grab a morning newspaper. Just as soon you finish poring a cup of coffee, either you sit down in the kitchen, in the living room,study table or leaning against the bed; you grab the tablet and your finger flicking through the Flipboard apps reading the latest news while sipping that fresh brew of hot coffee.

Saturday morning is the best morning of all because in that morning, you have no obligation to wake up as early as 6:00 a.m nor sleeping at 10:00 p.m the night before. Let it be when you stay up late and go to bed only when the sun rise because you was having all the time in world to browse and reblog Tumblr post all night long. The best part is, no one care.

Meet up plan is being done in Twitter and Facebook when you feel lazy to call anyone in the morning. No multiple calls nor text. Mentions and tags replaced the traditional multiple way communication. Easy and save up time for you again to browse apps; until you don’t feel the time has flew so fast that when you look out to the window; dark orange of dusk is approaching to roll the end of the day.

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These Are The Words

Narrowing to the gallows of loneliness, “Did you deter to come here on choice or force” one asked.

“No, not by choice nor force. My crying steps can’t think at this moment. It’s the rush of blood which told my body to keep on walking; slowly and gently; so the earth would not be hurt by the harsh thump” as young girl who’s heart is covered with scars attempt to jump into the dark hole…and the story end.

During the initial of the relationship, both are trying to learn and understand each other. Whether to realize that she is spoilt, dependable and keeps track of everything that resolves around or he who is still learning to be dedicated, focus upon the relationship and spend his entire time to listen everything that she says without any argue. Unfortunately, she could not handle long distance relationship. Thus, she had to let go. He: was devastated but decided to moving on with the row of pains.

In the second comeback, in fear upon that she would be afraid due to the distance; he called every fort day everyday; early morning, afternoon, late evening and a midnight call; in order to give her the assurance that he is there, beside her until she feel the non-existence of distance. Clearly, a modicum of loneliness will clutter and before she knows it, another guy knocked her heart and left the first who were struggling with few papers that ripping out his soul but yet, he survived. Being left again, he walks to the shimmering lights in the sky praying to be with her again; and this time for eternity.

When the third chapter was closing so no heartbreak would deteriorate any living being, he told her perhaps fate roaming around them to be with other people and makes them better for each other in the future. Before they knew it, again both of them fell into a deep affection but this time he play safe; he only keep the relationship in real social life; telling it to close friends and real people but for her, she wants the whole world to know as she believe sharing happiness with others is essential.

Clash of thoughts and loneliness covertly seeps into her mind by believing she is not be treat quite right create a chance for another guy to step in; whom she hide from the one who is facing excruciating endurance for his success in the future. Never once he cheat upon her; never; but she believe he is so. Hence, when her superior told her about disapproval towards him, she waited until he is over with his gruesome test to tell him about the news.

Despite the resistance of temptation, a news hovering her ear telling that he is currently cheating upon her where as he is not made her jump off to the end of the line. He listened with all hearts broken and shatter; the disapproval, the adultery; after all that he had given and sacrifice; she left.

He told her that he will wait even it takes another century while she oppose that this is the last. A beautiful relationship is not a myth to him. It does exist and in order for that to appear; mistakes, tears, heartbreaks, shatters and being hurt is the process to go through. Never he will stop hoping nor hate her in any way, that she, will be in his arms, eternally.

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Morning Wake

When you opened your eyes, the room is fill with the warmth of the sun with birds chirping in the background. Rise from bed, you look around looking for BlackBerry to login into Twitter; reading your morning social news.

Some people wake up after having a nightmare. In which, the reality blossom feast upon their eyes by the time they escape. Insisted, suddenly want to make the world a better place to live.

But most, they just can’t sleep; not because of external issue but towards things that currently play inside their mind. Majority whom suffers from heartbreak could not bear themselves to sleep because if they do, a bottle of the pill would be empty with a drinking bottle at the side.

Therefore, waking up in the morning does not usually starts someone else’s life but also ending it; in a sad way.

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Late Night Conversation

The mellow of the night put slaked directly beneath the warmth of our heart. Perhaps for some, this is when the enjoyment of the night life begin and for some, the moment to end theirs after going through a long day.

The best part is when the night amidst itself where all people let their hair and guards down. People start to be themselves and conversation happens. Here, they would talk about something and while on that, another layer of depth being added; thus, creating the astounding conversation. You could feel the sincerity and honesty swarming around the words without a single doubt towards each that been uttered.

Despite the amazing and quality conversation that you might get; there is an unwritten rule. Whatever that has been spoke is being kept in that moment and to yourself. It should never be mention anywhere else or to anyone to ensure the purity  and the essence of the tête-à-tête to be eternal.

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Seconds of Waiting

I believe people do change; despite the strong impression, personality and the characters conveyed; they eventually will change at one point, at one moment in their life. Whether it is grievances, sadness or mirth; it cause an entire effects towards a person.

In a relationship, swarthy occurs that slices the heart into two pieces is a norm in commitment. Throughout the complexion, deeper conversation and communication helps by untangling roots which nibble the earth thoroughly. But sometimes, surmising can create a damage beyond repair and putting it much into context, it complicate itself much more.

Suddenly, the escape door open and without any second thought; carried by your odium; go through the drawers of your lover’s heart and mind, retrieving any possibilities of memories, thoughts and walk out never to be heard again.

When you decide to do so; remember that flaunt action will cost dearly. There by that door, your love will wait for you not matter how long it would take. They prefer to miss another opportunity over other person because they believe another chance will come by; and it is your blunder whom causing it on the first place.

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Third Degree of Walking Away

Stepping into someone’s life and not leaving out footprint when you leave is just like walking along the beach expecting the waves wiping out your steps. The moment you own the person’s heart, trust and loyalty; they will take care of you like above themselves.

Every time you decide to leave, loyalty towards you that keeps them waiting; although they did tried to work out with someone else, the feeling is not the same. Hoping you will flung in their arms is their ultimate dream before anything fall upon causing the inexistence of their presence.

Third is a charm and both of you expect the relationship would last; things that blew the previous steps are been shut down. Relationship status is only for the real social circle; not Facebook;, texting and calling instead of filling each others wall plus being concern and trust each other in everyday life by getting involve and participate.

Alas, you walked out and another hopeful tears slides along the cheek. Thus, a wonder recites within their mind asking them if the act of waiting is insane, absurd and foolish. While glancing the pictures you, they said, “Acting being a fool is a easy. Waiting like crazy and looking for absurd horizon of resetting time is all in mind; but try to look strong to that person is the hardest. My heart shattered even more but letting the noise when it hit the floor from my the one I love; I won’t let them because by having my love walking away; is a chance for us to be prepare to be better for each other in the future”.

Hence, they gulp a boil of poison; hoping you would come back and kiss them so they would be conscious to make another story together; and that time, for eternity.

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So Far Gone

Tell me the walls are talking or the door is looking

tell me the sky is playing the symphony or the earth is singing

tell me whether the water is scary and causing the fire to be horrified

tell me that the air is poisonous and causing the dark and grey to be terrified.

---

Answer me when darken exist in the light

answer me when the snow melts in the bright

answer me when the river flows upwards

answer me when the time goes backwards.

---

Question me when all children becomes Benjamin Button

question me when all kings gone by the spring

question me at the doze slumber of a nightingale

question me when all word going to end.

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A Beautiful Mess

Life does not seem have to be smooth all the time. By right, you eventually stumble on the old cracked pavements causing an ugly cut to the knee. Here you are, looking around for a clean white bandage but the only thing available in your denim jeans back pocket are a packet of white tissue.

It does not meant to cover up a cut; it is meant to wipe away the tears from the fall. But there are no tears; as you only laugh when you noticed that there is a little bump on the pathway and you did not noticed it because you were busy texting your crush; telling yourself love is blind has just been justified.

You noticed there is a bleed running down from the cut; thus, you grab the tissue and a red spot has taken its place. As look at it and smiled,your mind whisper to you by saying, “A cut on the knee is less painful than a cut in heart which is pitiful”.

A warmth of specious got you up back to your feet and as you saunter, you put back the tissue at the back pocket waiting for another stumble in paradigm.

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Waiting At the Station

Journey is inevitable. It is almost impossible for a person to dodge the fate even they try to run far away from it. Some, thinks journey as a turn for a new start and some, sees it as something that could take away something for life has treat them right or someone that they do care about. Whether it is a spiritual journey seeking the light underneath Ghobi tree or a real journey either to widen the perspective or to run away from something; initially you halt from the current path and turn to an unfamiliar trail for which your instinct keep on telling you to choose that path.

Before doing so, you need to prepare as you would not expect the journey would become smooth and calling Titanic incident as obsolete. Most people would read upon what will wait for them, things that they need to expect, stories of successful journey and by least, experience some adventures along the way.

A stop is not a place to forbid you to continue the intention but it is a place cater to prepare you for what is coming and getting all the needs that you will seek when you stumble upon an adventure along the trail.

Thus, when you start your new journey, keep on walking. Don’t stop, throw away the hesitation and from there, that sensation feeling when you do something which is right will spark.

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To Rome With Love

In late night, as I flipping through postcards that were sent by my friends over last summer; seeing their enjoyment travelling around the world; something inside spoke to me and said, “Lets go! Let us have an adventure of our own. Come on! While you are still in the silence of journey, lets us just wild through and go along with the flow. We have nothing to loose!’.

As quick and swift as fox, I threw the postcards to the table, ran to the bedroom, grabbed the backpack that are use for class and put my plain t-shirts, hot pants and innerwear in which the number of clothes that I packed does not resemble Marco Polo at all.

Since it is impromptu, I want to keep the plan to myself and due to that, I can’t call my friends to send me to the airport. Thus, a cab arrived ten minutes later and the sleepy driver drove to the airport in the middle of the night. After paid the fair and tip him with a Starbucks voucher; so he could get a hot roasted coffee since it is my fault on the first place called him on the first place; I went straight to the selling counter to find out only five counters still open and having Qantas Airways, British Airways, Air France, Emirates and Virgin Atlantic does not sound cheap.

Before I knew it, a copy of receipt together with my card is being handed to me while the sales person told me the earliest flight to Rome will commence within 40 minutes. As I pace to the boarding gate, my mind recall what had happened five minutes before. The vivid flashback starts to roll its film focusing upon me who stood in front of those counters. Suddenly, it occurred to me to grab the earliest flight list on the information board. I made a look and “Rome” captured my sight. Hence, I directly went to the Air France counter and asked whether a seat is still available on the craft.

“You’re lucky” says the sales person. “Yesterday,  we received a call from one of our passenger mentioning that he want to reschedule his flight to the next after and the former seat is still fully covered because he said that perhaps having two seats for two different days is feasible. He added that he would call if to tell us which flight he will take and just now, he called stating that he would took the second ticket that he purchased. So yes, we do have an available seat and it’s fully paid. Perhaps you want to add on for a meal for the flight since it will consume roughly around 3 hours to reach Rome, Italy.” and for reason for the credit card was swiping through the payment machine, I smiled.

After I landed at Leonardo da Vinci Airport, I got into a taxi and told the driver to send this precious carriage to a little in called Cialdini. I quite surprised myself as I only knew about the inn from a travel column that I read from Cosmopolitan magazine few months back. Just as I stepped in, I was welcome by Paolo, the owner of the inn; an old guy which I assume in his early 50s, having white butcher beard and he wearing a plain white t-shirt with brown pants together with a pair of red suspenders. He coincidently taking care of the counter when I arrived and welcome me in his thick Italian accent while his hands dance in the air when he talks.. Later, he gives me a key and personally carried my backpack as he shows the way to my room. While he took off his flat golf cap and fan himself; perhaps from the two floor journey; he opened the door.

It is a beautiful room indeed as the ray of the morning sun penetrate the T-shape windows all the way to the bed with there is a light brown writing table at the right side of the bed facing the wall. The room was simple but beautiful. I thanked Paolo and threw myself on the comfy bed and my stomach starting to growl begging for food. I remembered that I haven’t dress any meal since last night.

So I went out using the back door and my eyes instantly captivated upon what its behold. The alley is just about 20 foot width but both side of the alley are filled with stalls that sells fruits, clothes, kitchen utensils and many other things which I don’t usually see in my hometown. Buyers negotiating with the mongers, one child running with an apple in his hand, two old man sits on stools; talking, chattering. It is an amazing sight.

I strode along the alley and I noticed a small restaurant called Ragazzi Picolli which attract me to step in. I was welcome by Ella Fitzgerald song that fills throughout the room and I sit at one little table right at the corner when a girl I assume in her 16 give a menu in later which afterwards, standing still, waiting for me to give my order.

Since the menu are written in Italian, my mind starts to juggle itself and my lips uttered,  “Un spaghetti ala tomato pasta et parlez”. I think what I said to her was right because she just jolt it down and gave the paper to the kitchen counter. Fifteen minutes later, a plate of spaghetti with four large meatball on top and a glass of cold water are serve. I enjoyed the meal really much partly because it is purely Italian made.

After finished the meal, I continue my journey along the pavement alley as I smiled to every person that passed me by while whispering to myself, “Perhaps, Paris is known for love and Milan touched the base for passion. But, both love and passion does not beat the sincerity of two hearts; as written by Shakespeare; the story of Romeo and Juliet.”.

Let me share my love here before I return and see the wonder of Rome from the eye of Eve. By instinct, I can feel this journey would be magical.

To feel the love of Rome.

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A Girl, Football and Soccer

Being an insecure girl, many things that she would demand her boyfriend to do in order to put away the impossible thoughts to the darkness. By deleting precious memories of the boyfriend with his ex, tailing every number in his phone, lurking around his Facebook and monitor his tweets; so far he comply like a moon on an axis.

He is heaven but even in real heaven you have comply with one rule; which ignites the temptation to break it. In his case, forbidding him to watch football with his friends is the forbidden apple. That is the fine line of a guy’s retention to fulfill request from the girl whom he would ditch; like a car with a bad handle; due to your stiffness.

Perhaps you can join him or perhaps you let his friends come to your place to watch the match on your 40 inch LCD television with 5.1 Dolby digital surround sound and believe me; your place will be their heaven and in exchange, the forbidden fruit is just wait for a bite.

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The Girl That Eats

Glancing over the menu, you just could not decide as all the food, confectionaries and drinks looks very intrigue indeed. Fish and chips, spaghetti, lasagna, Boston cheesecake, melting rich chocolate topping brownies alongside with white mocha latte, ice-blended tiramisu latte and a double shot of espresso.

Then, it strike; a lean body with Selena Gomez’s curve and a pinch of Megan Fox’s thunder ass illuminating your mind. A dream body that you have been craving and longing all this time. You have been hitting the gym, jogged and doing Pilates for months in order to obtain the hourglass shape. Hence, your finger flicked to another page of the menu with green leaves, finger-size-cut carrot being a model for that precise dull menu page; which ended ordering a bowl of Caesar and a glass of plain water.

Sometimes determination, goal and motivation could really screw you up because in the regime of your body is your temple, you are what you eat which ends up being a food crave, not a food lover or even a glimpse of taste.

There are girls out there who consume anything that they want, eat like a pig, owns a giant’s stomach but retain a Victoria’s Secret body figure. They are not afraid of what people might tell them nor the carbs. All they know is that the purpose of life is to enjoy every single taste that exist upon the kitchen counter.

Another part of these pixies, they do not even feel a little gullible sense of guilt putting anything and everything which taste nice, looks good and smells great because they believe enjoyment surpass everything. Life is good, food is great. Let it not go to waste.

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The Walnut Girl

There is no powerful girl compare to a girl who drinks coffee and hot chocolate everyday. Attractiveness cease to exist whenever a cup of Joe is not being entertain. A girl could make it hot, cold or perfectly just right just by the way she sips it.

Why? 

Because she have the touch.

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Is The Line Dead?

One of the best feelings in the world is when we hear the voice of our love ones in the end of the line; whether it a late night conversation or a mellow call early in the morning. Perhaps it can be consider in the rule of love which exceeds Bhagavad Gita as one of priority when a couple experiencing Adam and Eve relationship when they are being thrown to each end of the world.

Relationship is just like Cosa Nostra, it demands every gullible efforts, passion and energy in order to deliver the best within you to your partner. Romance is not enough without a railway slip and from there, you able to see at which joint that went wrong. Thus, fixing it together like Lorelai and Luke.

Girls wants a guy with Sephora and guys would expect girls to being able easily to handle like a Mustang; in which both party would sunk to the Pharaoh's melting pot. Feeding each other with mutual respect and trust are the key factors and things will eventually work they way up.

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Kina: Eastern Rose of Liverpool

Here is a story about a beautiful petite young girl who loves to wonder around the Forbidden Forest; adventure and danger is her second name.

She fought with trolls, riding on unicorns, flying on a Pegasus, visiting the fairies and leading on a war alongside the Centaurs. She battled the fierce dragon and ending the life of the dark wizard in order to protect her magical tower shines the light of Elise; the light of life; as it is the source of serenity in her land.

When you know her deeply enough, you will realize that she is not like other girl that you met before. She have a heart purer than Snow White, intelligence beyond genius, owns a beautiful soul that shines from heaven and a smile that could end up a war.

Perhaps she is being separated by distance from her love ones; families, relationship and friendships; but the bond is stronger than anything ever cease to exist in this world that only the Almighty can out it out; but He is very kind as she is one faithful person.

As the stories goes on, she is on her way to become a better person; not just to herself but also include to all people who supports her all along; from the greatest person who took care of her since she was a little baby to the person whom loves her as the relationships will be a forever greatest tale that could shun Romeo and Juliet together with Jack and Rose mystify fairy tale.

This is a story about a beautiful petite young girl who loves to wonder around people’s heart leaving her mark; once she enter, the memories will not fade. Her magical touch is beyond anything that could ever exist in this world for so she is the gift from Him to the world.

Happy birthday, Kina; my dear lovely greatest friend; a person whom my life accept her as a family in heart. Seven seas and six continents would be able to take away things that we currently have; a friendship that is stronger, shinier and more valuable than a diamond from heaven.

Never we will loose each other; and this I promise you.

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The One That Got Away

You and I; us.

Those are the only way to explain whenever people would ask about our relationship. We are friends but somehow our hearts whispered to our soul that we could not exist without each other. The magic almost trigger itself but we restrain the spark as we believe that both of us need to committed to the person whom we love; and being better partner for the another.

Perhaps fate would intertwine our soul together in latter future; and we do not deny about the possibility; as by the time comes; we will be ultimately for each other in better from compare if we have done so in ashes of time.

Drifting apart is not an option; unless an utterless mistake being done which shattered the crystal knot. Smiles has lost and tears everywhere; causing the sky lifting the rainbow to be return to heaven as there no more reason to be on earth.

You and I, us. The bond. The link. It is everything for me; and you are everything to me. But what am I to you....when you walk away.

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Tireless Journey

Remember the excitement when you are starting a new journey; being in a new relationship, going to new places or exploring the world?

The intense of the vibe, energy and passion cluttered within until anything that you touch would be magical together with expectation of things that you might stumble on; you just do not know. Thus, your heart pound faster, mind are lingering on the line of sparkle rainbow and throughout the journey that you went on restlessly; it's all getting dimmer and dimmer.

Suddenly, the energy drawer itself slowly just at the moment when you are almost reach the end of the journey in the dark woods. All the experience gained; left by the person whom we care and love, stumbled to the ground and non-mended shattered hearts; making us stronger.

Upon many chances, challenges has made you to give up upon this journey; until the chime plays at the last heave of breath trying to stop you by saying it is enough.

Hope would not make you give up as it is the main reason why you were on the path; to seek, to know and to gain endless journey. Hence, there is no halt, period nor full stop. Strength will rise throughout your blood and giving you the ultimate ability.

To keep the pace, steps and track with no end limit.