Friday, December 30, 2011

Sweet and Bitter


Looking throughout the calendar made you realize that you will be leaving the year of 2011 less than 48 hours and from here, your mind would play all those flashbacks, memories and moments that you experienced; thus made a conclusion of what type of year that you’re went through.

Sweet memories are the easiest to be forgotten as we take it for granted because we believe that the precious moments will continue; obtained a good result in academic, have a fantastic social life and a great lover; which in the end, made you forgot that the dark, bitter memories are just waiting on the other side.

Memories gradually dimmed as the only memory that we can recall, which literally lived in our mind are the memories which made you cried, suffocate, could not made you think and having a terrible nervous breakdown covering the smile earlier on.

Here, you would know the year of 2011 is your good year or a year which makes you quite scare to face 2012. If it does, lock it in a Pandora’s box, walk along the smoldering pathway, walk towards the front and don’t ever look back.

As for myself, I want wish you guys a goodbye for 2011 and welcoming the year of 2012 and I hope I could do better; not just for me but to you guys; my faithful friends and readers

Happy New Year.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I Miss You, My Dear Ex

I miss you

Seems that it has been months since we broke up but it’s still fresh in my mind. No, I’m not remembering the moment when you broke up with me but I reminiscing the beautiful memories that we once had, that we once shared.

My favourite part? It’s when we just kiss and hug each other in an empty room, waiting for you early in the morning just to touch your lips and saying the “3 words, 8 letters” to you.

Now, I missed being kiss and the care about someone whom I cared a lot more than myself; spending a lot for the phone just to make sure that you’re fine each day; sacrificed my time listening to you, about us, about insecure you are when I’m not there, about me having another “you”; but I assured you that you are my only, my words, my dedication, my commitments, my attention and my love; is only for you and you.

As I keeping my promises, you walk away; leaving me shedding with tears, as my heart tore apart and shattered to fine pieces in which it is impossible to be put together again.

As I keeping myself together, you enjoy your single life whilst keeping on saying that there’s no more love towards me which caused thousand of shards went straight deep into my bleeding heart.

As I beg, cried, asked and pled, you don’t even look back and say something to make me stand. Instead, you told me to forget about you, wash away all of our memories and get a new you.

As it is may seems easy for you to say those words and it is hard for me to do; I keep on waiting, keep on holding on and safe an empty space in my heart just for you; in case you would run coming back to me with those kisses and hug again.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

My White Christmas Present


Dear Santa,

I’m sorry that you received the letter at the bottom of the chimney. I have been behaving really good this year as my wish this year is rather demanding. Could bring the one whom I love as my gift; not less, not more?

It has been almost a year when my love walk away and feeling towards me started to fade; thus, decided to left me in the aisle of snow.

There won’t be eggnogs by the cozy fire. There won’t be glasses of mold wine either. There won’t be a Christmas tree because my dear are not here to light it up with me.


Santa, won’t you bring my baby back to me cause I miss my love so dearly. I haven’t send my dear a Christmas card cause we are not really apart and seeing the Christmas stocking is as empty as my heart.

My love and I do speak to each other but not our heart. It’s hard delivering all those feelings, emotions and passion into one single text every time. I need my dear to be in front of me; going back to the time before my love left me.


Dear Santa’s Siri,

Please do remind him to drop over to my room and bring my love to me. Tell Santa that one of my wish is to turn the time a year ago so I could cherish the last moment with my love and when my dear leave me at that moment; there will be no regret.

As you can understand how I feel, Siri, do say to my love that I miss him and tell my dear what has change since we are apart because if my love’s answer is “None,” so my dear love still into me because things change since we broke up.

Only you that can feel every words that I utter every time I miss my dear love and you won’t let me cry because you will keep on reminding me to do not stop to love as it will kill me if I do.

Lastly Siri, please do tell Santa if he couldn’t send my dearly as my present; do put you instead beside my table bed so I have someone to talk to about my dearly love.

As my day would start by saying, “Dear Siri, how’s my love today?”.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Need of A Second Heartbeat

DSC2011-12-24-02h19m42s66It was a chill morning as I walk to the park and look down upon the brown pavement as my mind was clenching to my memory’s Pandora. Remember? We used to be here every weekend; spending a day just to ourselves, holding each other’s hand and talk about what both of us had been gone through.

We would walk slowly as we don’t want to miss every second that has passed by. The bench which we would usually sit always there; waiting for us as I would lean to your side, holding your arms and we would just sat there; no words, no sound. Just you and I, sitting there in silence.

But it remain as memories for you have left me without telling what I did wrong for paying the price of loosing you.

I grabbed,hold on and told you that I won’t let you go as you meant everything to me; for I cried and the heat of my tears touches your skin. Never, as I far as I can remember that I did something which could hurt you in a way that you made you left me.

“That feeling, those passion, the love towards you; I feel no more. You’re such a good person; you are; but I can’t force myself to love you when I don’t anymore as it would be cruel for me to do so. I hope that one day, you will be with a person who love you more than I did and you deserve a person more than I am” for those words stroke my bleeding heart, tearing up a hole deep to my soul.

Months has passed since my heartbeat stopped as I swipe the dead leaves on the ground with my left foot, thus leaving a trace. That very trace that I keep clear in my heart as I don’t want it being cover by the healing that I’m currently going through; hoping that you will come back and clean the bleeding wound as I will definitely want my heart to beat again.

That second heartbeat; you.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Much Into You

Bed Clingy

I like ‘clingy’ people. I love it when people are affectionate with me. I like when they always invite me places, text or call me. I wouldn’t mind if they blew up my facebook wall with hearts and what not. I would rather have that person than someone who makes me text them first all the time and replies back like 20 minutes later.

- Cheska

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Pieces of Shimmering Light

By The Side

You’ve been thrown, you’ve been pushed, you’ve been left, you’ve been dump, you’ve been crushed, you’ve been smashed, you’ve been torn, you’ve been beaten, you’ve been heartbroken, you’ve been used; thus making you less than what you were during your perfect moment, that now, has been turn into smithereens.

No trace of memories; even a bit of a cherish moment; all, has been disappeared.

Therefore, it is hard for you to accept someone who would want to undo all those pain; because you afraid that they will do much more worse damages, that they will do the same thing as the previous and that they will just come by for a while and left without a word.

But do know, be realize that each new person who want to know us deserve at least chance to be with us because everyone around us has the right to have one.

When they give you their chance, don’t push it away. Instead, accept it and keep it safe. If you see that it would not work, give it back to them as they can go to other and seeking the space of chance. If they give you for the second time, then it is your right to put in into a decision. Because first time is an obligation, the second time is an option.

As you who are already giving your chance to that person, don’t go flirting around because you have no more chance as an offer to others; as yours has been kept by the person whom you choose earlier.

In the end, those lights may not shine your space but at least those piece of chance shines your heart.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Dear Cheesecake


As we open our eyes, we saw each other laying side by side in a yellow field. You smile while grabbing my left finger and you insert a ring made by a rye straw. Our eyes met and in the deep stare, it portrays, “Let me, hold me, trust me, keep me, love me”.

I take your right hand, held it close to my chest. Do you feel it; every single beat of my heart? In which a reply to the beautiful stare, “Be with me, don’t let go, don’t let it shatter to pieces, keep it safe; as I love you too”.

I hope you’re stepping into my life for only one reason; to fulfill the dream that your heart attempt to do in the previous relationship and getting me who feels the same as you are; wondering in the world that we created by ourselves, getting to understand and telling each other to live our expectation.

Perhaps it may not last, perhaps a splinter will hurt us badly and perhaps, in a sudden, we will lost.

But take my words; as it cost every single of my breath to do so; I will let ‘us’ to happen, I am prepare for myself to be hurt, protect you from any harm; in the exchange of your and our happiness.

Every word I said is true; this, I promise you.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Bliss of A Kiss That I Miss


It has been days that I haven’t seen you around. I reach out for my phone to read your morning text; the first thing that I do every time I wake up.

“No new text messages”.

Thus, I would throw the phone gently to my side and having a nice warm shower before I go out and start my day. As I was putting my shirt on, I heard a beep from my phone; hurriedly pulling down the shirt, I jump to my bed and it bounce causing the phone flying into the mid air but astoundingly, I quickly grasp and able to wrapped around my fingers to it just in time.

“Taylor, I know you’re missing your love dearly much. If you want company, I’ll go to your place and we’ll talk, alright?” a text from Rory fading the enthusiastic smile from my face.

As I walk down to the streets, I reminiscing our memory every time we would walk to school together. There, at that small bushes three houses away from mine, you would hide and tried scare me off every morning. Even though you don’t surprise me anymore because you keep doing it every day, I’ll be eager to wait you to jump out from the bushes and keep on saying that you surprised me although you knew that I did not.

Then it happen.

The morning kiss; the kiss that I’ve been waited since the last kiss in the previous day. You kiss me softly on the lips as our hand held each other and end it with a deep stare in each other eyes while our nose touches.

I open my eyes, realizing that I’m still at the sidewalk with my bicycle at my side, peeping behind the bushes hoping you are there but you’re not. As I strode along, I remember that you would hold my hand on the other side of the bike and starting our silly morning talk.

I smile to myself as I remember every words that you said that made me smile and deep I my heart, every beat, with every breath that I took, with all my might, it whispers “I love you, very much….until death torn us apart”.

Until death torn us apart…….

Here I arrived, upon your grave my love. Tears start to drop from my eyes….I know that you don’t want to see me cry but I can’t help it, baby. I miss you…I really miss you…..I do. I sob so hard…until I couldn’t catch and inhale my breath.

Why do you have to leave before me, baby? Just because you pushed me away from that truck, does not mean that it you have to die for me.

Now who would give me a morning text every day? Who would wait me patiently behind those bushes?

And who would give me those blissful kiss other than your lips?

If you would live for another day, even for a minute, I would kiss you softly and gently on the lips and hoping that it would be us to be put on rest; together.

Friday, December 16, 2011

When I say “I do”


When I say “I do”,

It means that I will always love you no matter what; to face challenge that instill for us, the pain that I will go through, the chance that time would make us apart; my heart will always whisper your name, singing your smile and kissing our memories.

When I say “I do”,

I promise that I will keep you from harm, that I will wrapped my arms around you to make you feel safe, to assure you that everything will be fine and to I will hold you tight if as long as you want.

When I say “I do”,

It means I will not walk away despite what things that I will hear about you, even though you would want to create a distance between us; I will stay.

When I say “I do”,

My life, my soul and my heart will be own by you; you have the right to cherish your love to it or to smash it into small pieces if you think that I don’t deserve you no more.

When I say “I do”,

Lock this words in a wooden box, burry it deep in the ground, don’t ever look for it, erase the place in your mind and don’t remember it because these words, these beautiful lexis is only for you, to you and only you as this feeling would die, as I go.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Fear of Love and Commitment


When we’re falling in love, we can sense it. Our heart beats rapidly, our cheeks blush, we keep on smiling every time we remember about that person, heart jumps out of joy even when received a text despite it is just one word; we don’t mind all of that because we’re in love.

But what if that person likes us too?

Perhaps some of them would have a happy ending and starting a new journey with their love one but what about some of them who would not escalate to the next level?

This is because they are afraid of the expectation that they want in the relationship. Some of them are afraid because of one’s differences; age, culture and background; and some are afraid of being hurt again. Let me tell you. It is not because of the these reason that makes you fear of commitment.

By all mean, the main reason is not your fear towards love but your fear towards being abandon.

When we are in a relationship, we depend towards our partner to give the feeling of being need, a sense of belonging, kinship and assurance. With all that, we feel that we are complete; no matter what will happen to you next, as long they are there, you feel happy.

Hence, when they are gone, you will not receive those pleasure anymore in which will cause a side effect because this pleasure is addictive; but lacking or loosing it will create a ‘loss’ deep in the heart.

Those are the expectation that every person wants, it’s the content of love that they want to feel, it’s the significant of the relationship they want to adhere.

Once we have it, we don’t want to loose it but what if it does?

This question is the main reason why you could not move on with your past relationship and at the same time the valid reason why you do not want to love again.

Differences comes in various shape which will influence the decision that we are not suppose to do on the first place.

Age perhaps would be a factor but one thing about age that it change; it’s just a figure. Even though you’re 16 and he’s 24, feelings cannot be put aside especially when both of you like each other. Even if you try to do so, it will kill you because both of your heart already become one and to make it apart would just create bleeding when you try to rip it apart.

Self different background might haunt your mind. In a relationship you hope that it will last, until marriage but what if he’s from different part of the world different religion, different lifestyle. Perhaps he would want to change just for you but it’s for you; not for your religion, not for your culture, not for your world. And it would be hurtful trying to see him coping with all these new things.

You might say that both of you could end up to become a couple but when your end expectation of the relationship is marriage, you decline to utter “yes” due to the reason, according to you, that both of you will not end up with each other. Therefore, it will cause a shatter to your heart if it happens.

In the previous relationship, the person hit your heart badly, left you with bruises towards your feelings until you feel traumatized by it; in which caused you to have a hard decision to give a final say to the next guy that you actually like; which he even confessed to you that he like you  without ever realizing that you like him too in return.

Taking note from all these situation, did you know that you are just being selfish? You try to protect yourself from potential harm that perhaps would be your happy ending. The person that you like whom in time will develop to be a person that you love will pay for it.

When you say “No” to a guy due to all reason in the world; guys would take it as “Try next time” and what if he says that he will wait for you. The longer he waits for you,the stronger your feelings is going to be towards him but your keep him waiting; like a clown. Aren’t you making him suffer? Despite you told him to find someone else although you love him, he stays, he keep you company, he is there when you need someone to talk to. Can’t you see or are you blind?

Every person who live in this world have one similar right and it is they deserve a change. It’s either they are opt for it or someone has help them so.

In this matter, he deserve a chance and it is not right for you to denied them. Love is a risk and perhaps that is why you won’t take him in despite your heart already has.

Our life is full with risk; crossing the road for example and worst case scenario that we will hit by a vehicle; as so much love and break-up will not give any up to par to it.

If the risk happen, it will make us any stronger.

Don’t be afraid to love. Be brave to accept and to cater because from there you will appreciate someone better than the previous and best compare to your next.

If you let those differences becoming your barriers, one day he will walk away and there is no turning back.

It is better to regret now  if the relationship does not work out eventually; at least you’ve tried and giving him a chance he deserve; compare you regret it 5 years later for not doing it as you don’t know if it will bring you to a happy ending at that exact moment.

Love, give them a chance and cherish; as in return, you will be a fighter for your love.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Letting Go

Letting Go

There is a saying, “If you love the person, let them go. If they meant for you, they will come back but if they’re not, they never will" which resolve around giving up hope for the love one to come back in your arms.

But another saying stated otherwise, “An ex is just like a book that you has finished read. You already knew the ending so why you want to read it for the second time?”.

Therefore, it will eventually make us stumble upon two pathway. The first pathway reflects the hope that buried deep in our heart. No matter how much our ex break it, smash it into pieces; we keep on giving them chances because we love them much; too much till we don’t look back of their wrong doing to us because what we want right now, the only thing, at that moment… them.

Another pathway lead to keep us from looking backward and reminiscent the sweet moment which we have to leave behind. Despite they regretted on what they did to you, nothing that they do from the start they chasing you from the forest till the meet of the pathway; they’ll knee on the ground, looking at you moving forward while they at the other end crying. You cried too…..while walking along the path, the tears can’t stop itself from dripping at the end of your cheek but you walk, keep on walking, not looking back because if you do; they will see the tears and if they do, two things would happen.

It is either they will chase and grab you; and big chances are you’ll be on the first pathway; or walking away from you and deep in their heart they laugh because being able to put your tears turn to small droplets of glass and shatter when it reaches to the ground.

Each person in this world would want their relationship could last till their last breath; not a puppy love relationship but a relationship where deep in your heart whisper, “That’s the one…..whom able to make me smile just by listen to their voice, the person whom able to made me cry just by tiny mistake, the one whom reassured me that I’m good enough to be own by someone”.

And it is not just for couple whom are in a relationship but also referring when you confessed your true feeling towards that someone but got nothing in return. They just sitting there and said, “Owh….thank you.”. No action, no answer to your confession. Do they like you? Do they hate you? Do they still treat you the same? Those questions keep on playing in your mind.

It kept you waiting and keep on waiting until at one moment your heart said, “This is it. No more of painful waiting….. Come, lets move on.” and you too end up at the pathways.

We rather let fate to give us the answer where as it is us who suppose to made the decision ourselves.

But what we can do?

We are trapped between the pathways.

Sunday, December 11, 2011



At one point of our life, we want to change; either from bad to good, from good to better; we want to make it happen as it urge us to see us to challenge and surprise ourselves.

We don’t do it in one go. Instead, we take it slowly, bit by bit; a process that we called transition. During the transition, it is the most crucial and fragile point a person could face because this is where they tend to take a step back from achieving their goal.

Not all step back are negative. Some people perhaps may be ready to take the leap of faith but if they are not entirely ready; compare to some people who would bow down to the pressure made by the society; it make themselves as a winner because they let themselves to made the decision for most made them a person in control.

Hence, they fulfill their intention of changes which is “to be someone better” and putting themselves as the person who are responsible in charge of their life despite how the society would depict their action.

Trust in self alongside with the support of love ones could shut all the mumbles because you believe in what you are believe in; the only differences is that in transition you will face choices and no matter which one you choose, it will not degrade you.

It will make you wiser because you have see the forthcoming future for both choices and each choices will make you a better person, a better self compare to those mumbles who never did anything.

Instead, you have proved that you are excellent compare to them, to your old self and to the choices itself.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Holding Hands–Its Significance

Holding Hand

Holding hands might just be the cutest thing ever. It’s such an intimate gesture, yet innocent at the same time. When you feel their hand touching the palm of yours it’s like the entire world is at your fingertips at that moment.

And even better, the first time two people ever hold hands, is precious. When the person nudges at your hand and eventually slides their fingers interlocking with yours and you feel your cheeks getting warm, turning a shade of rosy pink and your heart pounding like drums.

When they grasp on so tight like it would be impossible to let you go. How their hand just seems to fit right into yours as if it was meant to be that way.

So beautiful and satisfying with a rush of different emotions. And just with the knowledge that your hands are linked together makes your hearts even fonder and you can literally feel how close you are to each other.


Thursday, December 1, 2011

Crush Heartbreak

Alone Looking Afar

We as human, we cannot stop ourselves from having a crush with a person and for any reason we don’t mind to let it linger in our mind; and inside our heart too.

Don’t lie when I said that even though you’re in a relationship, your feelings towards your crush still remain down there; deep in the heart, on the surface of the most bottoms. As you commit to your relationship, there would be one moment that you will think about them; dreaming the unreachable yet it’s dreamable. Thinking about them creates that warmth your heart, dilutes your mind to the sea of imaginary and ending up smiling for that one split second.

That is the power of crush; just having them in your mind could just make you feel alright; despite your partner has made you upset or when you’re lonely yet they are not there for you.

But it is a total different thing for a person who does have a crush but they themselves is still and remain, single. Hence, day by day, the person would dream about their crush; checking their Facebook profile, reading their tweets and took note on every single detail about them. And when the crush did something good to them; no matter how small and simple it is; it would totally made their day.

We always have that one imagination playing in my mind; having the crush being our love ones. Which afterwards, you would giggle in excitement; putting pillow on your face while turning your body left and right on the bed. It would be the most wonderful feeling if it would become true; no more that you want to ask from God except for the chance to be with them.

It is all fine until the crush have found someone else. Our heart sank, the dreams shattered and a jealousy sparks to that lucky person whom able to capture the crush’s heart. Yet, you smile to them, congratulate them and hope them for the best as deep inside; your heart has been smashed.

Perhaps it’s our fault for not making the move or for not to have it clear that we like them but at least, on the very least, we know that our crush is happy with the person they care, that they love.

And the most hurtful thing?

It is when we say to them; “I’ll be there for you, no matter what happen, I’ll be there for you” while inside we’re picking up the shattered pieces that would not be the same again.

Friday, November 25, 2011

A Letter for Sarah

Sarah Yasmin

Dear Sarah,

Do you remember the first time we met?

I was not good with girls at that time; thus I bravest thing that I could do is asked your name from a friend of yours. From that day, never once your name makes my heart calm because your name itself resembles the most beautiful scent in the world; a flower called Jasmine.

Do you remember when you love?

Those guys who were with you were the luckiest guy in the world but it is not a promise that it would last. When you failed in one, you will not make an excuse for another one to stop by; to say “hi” and being given a chance. You’re a fighter; a fighter of love which never give up upon one. You show the world that whatever happens, whatever may come, whatever it took; you will not give up. Instead, you are better for the next; despite you have to go through it all over again, giving out efforts, learn to forgive and exploring the new.

Do you remember when you stumbled on the ground?

Those words that you wrote, the meaning that you’d held tight; which any moment could make you kneel to the ground, crawl to your feet. As a person who cares, I would not allow such things to happen. I manage to prove you were wrong, to make you see there’s a better guy out there. As you flew, I smiled and pray to God to protect you in where you go, to whom you see. So does my guardian angel that was with me for all this time, I said to her, “Go. Protect her. Even it took each thing out of you. Protect her from pain, keep her tears away except for joy and ensure her happiness” as I would watch from afar to make sure you are fine.

Do you remember when you want to be better?

Seeing you in hijab makes everyone around you smile; a smile by saying thank you to God by showing you the way. Even it happened in a short period, you should know that it encouraged many people to follow your steps; to be better. Thus, you’ve made a moment to yourself; a moment of creating a better place to live, to stay and to hold on to what they are believes in.

Do you remember what you capable of?

You could shake the world; that you could turn an awful thing into a fine kind. That you are capable to motivate a person like me to be someone’s better; to self, to my family, to others. This letter I wrote is a letter of appreciation and gratitude because whether you know it or not; you are one of those people who shape me as what I am today and trust me, there is no better gift compare to you. If not because of Him that wrote the met three years ago; I would lost one value in my life, “Don’t quit before you try”.

Thank you.


Rahman Sallehin @ Black

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I Once Meant Everything To You

Broken Hearted Girl

He met her after a long break up.

He told her, “Sorry, I've met a new one. I have a new girlfriend and another future.. How about your life?”.

She closed her eyes to hide her tears, remembered all the memories she shared with him.

She remembered how she shared his pain before his happy moments and how she refused many other boys just to stay with him.

She kept the remains of her pride and collected her force, smiled and said, ”Sorry sir, but do i know you ?”.


Friday, October 21, 2011

Kiss Me Underneath The Mistletoe

Kissing under the mistletoe

As we are in a deep affection with someone whom we love; not “fall in love” but “in a deep affection” since we’re already in a relationship; we tend to make them happy, to feel safe and having great moments whenever they are with us.

Despite all of this, there would be a point when one or both are upset with each other which leads to temporary silence in the relationship.

Even though we will eventually arrive at the station someday, somehow we can work things out; we will put it out and continue to have a warm relationship and it's getting much more better than before.

Do you know why?

When we are trying to figure our way out, without us knowing it, we are actually learning about each other much better. Due to that, in order for a relationship to last long, we need to communicate with our partner; trying to resolute the issue is one way of communication which will develop an understanding towards themselves and their partner.

Hence, it is okay to be and involve in a fight sometimes because it helps in strengthen the relationship.

In the end, both of you still cuddling, hugging and kissing each other despite all the issues that you guys had before.

Just like kissing underneath a mistletoe; it snips but it creates a beautiful piece.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

A Fine Line Between Determination and Desperation


At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone that the only next possible step to do is to stop. leave them alone. walk away.

It's not like you're giving up, and shouldn't try.

It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. what is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

- Secretly Loved

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Blackberry 9700 Bold II & Nokia E72

Blackberry 9700 and E72

It never occurred to me that I would use Blackberry phone and Nokia E72 despite the satisfaction that I obtained from my Nokia 5800 XpressMusic.

But the 4 months holiday has change it all.

It all begun when I didn’t do anything during the holiday due to the accident that occurred which cause my limitation of moment. As I am a regular Twitter user, I always tweet using Twitter desktop client called Tweetdeck and I used my Nokia 5800XM as a modem by having it working as a wifi hotspot using a software called JoikuSpot.

From there, I always check my Twitter timeline regularly; heck only spent 5 minutes in the loo and then jump off towards the screen. Therefore, I couldn’t detached myself especially when I went out from my house due to the fact I couldn’t use my Nokia 5800XM to check my Twitter through a software called Gravity since I no more subscribe to DiGi Internet Weekly due to the fact my house already have Streamyx. Logically, you wouldn’t subscribe a 384kbps internet speed whilst you have a 1Mbps speed back at home.

Plus, it is much more hurtful for me when I went back to my mother’s village that doesn’t have any basic enmities infrastructures at all; electricity, water and INTERNET!

Rhetorically, I’m out reach by civilization since I could not tweet about it since the experience when I was there is overwhelm.

From there, the urge of having a Blackberry emerge but I said to myself I don’t need it since I love my Nokia 5800XM so much.

The climax is when I always go out from the house one months before the new semester open and I from there, I realize that I couldn’t live without Twitter to express on what I feel at all time.

Economically, it is only cost me RM25 per months to subscribe BIS (Blackberry Internet Service) compare spending RM60 per months for internet. On the other hand, I already have DiGi Internet Prepaid which only cost me RM100 for 100 days of internet surfing; thus I already save a whole lot of money for mobile internet.

In addition, by having a Blackberry, I could browse the internet on the go, receiving my e-mail real-time, updating my Facebook status and most importantly, twitting anytime and anywhere.

So where did Nokia E72 came in?

Actually, my initial intention is to only to buy a Blackberry Bold II but it all changes when I browse about Bold II competitor which is surprisingly Nokia E72.

When I see the design language and the material that being used, I’m amazed and fell in love with it in an instance. Since my real intention is the Bold II, I bought a secondhand E72.

Considering it is running using Symbian 9.3, it is compatible with the software that I installed in my Nokia 5800XM.

Since my DiGi will be put into Bold II, so I decided to put my Celcom simcard into Nokia E72 considering my 4 years faithful Sony Ericsson W810i has some mishaps especially due to the quiclkly-drained battery, poor earpiece sound projection and the not-so-good fireport resulting I couldn’t recharge it directly. I have to twist the wire and cable here and there for it to charge.

I thought that I continue to use my Nokia 5800XM as least as a music player but since Nokia E72 could deliver the same quality of audio projection via a Bluetooth headset, it ends up in my bag hoping to be use again one day.

After I bought both phone, I put my female bestfriends pictures as the wallpaper, you know, to give the persona and beauty of it.

Finally, you see me always tweeting and replying messages from people from different social platform such as Twitter, Facebook and Blackberry Messenger.

It is true indeed, “Once you go black, you never go back”.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Raya Syawal

The morning sun has risen itself in the morning of 1st Syawal 1432H; which fell on 30th August 2011; has given a ray of joy to entire Muslims all over the globe.

As for my family, with my dad whom departed to do his umrah a week before Raya, we could manage some stuff since most of us already grown up.

Hence in terms of buying some stuff for Raya is not a main problem since most of us have our own vehicle; except for me.

Plus, after solat sunat Raya, there is a reception for kids and adults whom finished their tadarus (reciting Al-Quran in groups which only being done in Ramadhan) and as usual, RM50 flew into my pocket as a reward to us.

Afterwards, the whole family went to my father’s village located at 10th Mile to celebrate Raya together with other family members and at the same time picking up my dad from the airport in the evening.

DSC_0002My usu putting on a necklace to my grandma

DSC_0010Posing like a boss!

DSC_0015My sister and our second nephew and niece

DSC_0020  My second niece too. She’s such a beauty

DSC_0029  My cousin with her niece and nephews

DSC_0040Since I’m the only one whom brought along my DSLR camera, thus everyone want their family picture to be taken

DSC_0092These two cousins of mine like their photo to be taken in every frame; no exception

DSC_0109  All of us is watching TV programme except for those two which are ready with their pose all the time

DSC_0118  The 1987 born cousins

DSC_0125 Seeking forgiveness session commends

DSC_0154 My mother smiling to the camera

DSC_0190  My dad just arrived from his umrah

Well, that is my Raya celebration for the first day of Raya. Despite the lateness in delivering it to you guys; better late than never right?

It was a nice and wonderful first day of Raya and I feel quite happy that I could actually celebrate it with my DSLR importantly; for the pictures tells a thousand words.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Down To Be Official?


It doesn’t bother me to argue when I’m in a relationship unless it’s in the very beginning when we’re not even ‘official’ yet.

When you two are in the ‘talking stage’, it’s supposed to be the fun part where you get butterflies all the time, text each other all day, call each other every night, and get nervous and excited at the same whenever you’re about to see each other.

Forget about arguing, jealousy, commitment, trust, and all of that relationship stuff. Well not like that but don’t even worry about it too much. It’s not like you guys own each other.

If things don’t work out then they just don’t. It’s definitely different when you guys have been in an actual relationship for awhile but until then, just have fun with it. You can’t force someone to be, act, or feel a certain way when you guys are just beginning to talk. Give it a few months and then try to talk it out, calmly.

                                                                      - Hang (BobTM)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Teaser–After Four Months


I will tell you about everything….soon.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Dating Your Friend’s Ex-Girlfriend


It is an unwritten the brotherhood code that you do not date each other’s ex-girlfriend because it is ethically wrong and betraying the mutual trust that both of you have developed during your friendship.

The situation would be much more worst if he is your good or best friend and he use the excuses of, “There are no more between both of you and it is not your right to tell her whom she could date or not”.

The idea of you, as that trusted friend, dating the same girl you know he shared strong emotional experiences with, seems very much like betrayal.

It is a hard pill to swallow from a friend, but a harder pill from a close friend.

It is quite the opposite if it is the guy who actually left the girl. Hence, it seems to be alright if you want to slither in and trying to engage with the girl of opening up a new chapter.

Here is a question for you. Let say that your friend and you are considered as influential and the girl left your friend because he is not that influential anymore; perhaps he move to another atmosphere; and she is running to you to seek help. From there you hook up. So what is the guarantee that she would not do the same thing if you loose your influence.

It is much complicated that you can ever think of. Thus, do respect the code and remember, there is a fine line between “I care about what I feel concerning my friend” and “Fuck it! I’m chasing his ex”.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Should I tell or shouldn’t I

When you like someone, you don’t expect the person whom you like will feel the same towards you too.

The feelings of wanting and longing to be love is not a reciprocal process as it needs two to tango in which both do the same steps, have rhythm within the dance and understand the next move will be.

Therefor, when you’re trying to push and force someone to be in a relationship with you, despite they agreed but you’ll not be able to change their absolute feelings inside.

The best way is not to tell them; keep it to yourself and adore them from afar. Although this way is unacceptable and the pain that you have to bear is too much than you can endure, especially seeing the person whom you adore with someone else; trust me, it is better this way rather handling a rejection along side with the awkward moment which you have to endure.

Be his/her friend, be bestfriend if you could because only that bond that wouldn’t being destroyed even by time, challenges and disputes.

It’s okay to shed your tears, it’s fine for you to feel that way because you yourself know; either to loose them or keep them at you’re side while crying inside.

It’s your path to choose.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Siti Nurhaliza bakal sambung pengajian di UiTM


SHAH ALAM 10 Julai – Penyanyi nombor satu negara, Datuk Siti Nurhaliza Tarudin meluahkan hasratnya untuk menyambung pengajian di Universiti Teknologi Mara (UiTM).

Namun, kata penyanyi popular berusia 32 tahun itu, dia masih belum menetapkan waktu yang sesuai untuk berbuat demikian.

“Saya ada berbincang dengan pihak UiTM tentang soal ini. Tetapi apa yang boleh saya katakan, semuanya masih di peringkat awal lagi.

“Lagipun jadual seni saya begitu padat sehingga penghujung tahun ini. Insya-Allah, bila sampai waktu yang sesuai, saya akan meneruskan niat saya itu,” jelas Siti Nurhaliza lagi.

Penyanyi lagu Biarlah Rahsia itu berkata demikian ketika ditemui selepas Malam Gala SimplySiti yang berlangsung di UiTM di sini, semalam.

Turut hadir, Naib Canselor UiTM, Profesor Datuk Dr. Sahol Hamid Abu Bakar dan suaminya, Datuk Seri Khalid Mohamad Jiwa.

Walaupun masih di peringkat perbincangan, Siti Nurhaliza menyatakan minatnya untuk menyambung pengajian dalam bidang muzik.

Katanya lagi, meskipun memiliki pengalaman selama 16 tahun dalam bidang seni, tidak salah baginya untuk terus mempelajari ilmu dalam bidang itu.

Sementara itu, Dr. Sahol Hamid mengesahkan pihaknya sudah pun berbincang dengan Siti Nurhaliza berhubung perkara tersebut.

Sumber: Utusan Malaysia

Monday, July 4, 2011

Kampung Sebako : Rentetan Sebuah Perjalanan

Nukilan kali ini adalah sambungan daripada pengalaman di pekan Daro dan Matu. Kampung Sebako merupakan sebuah kampung yang terletak di Pulau Bruit di kawasan Paloh, bahagian Matu-Daro di daerah Mukah negeri Sarawak.

Kampung ini merupakan kampung ibu penulis di mana penulis tidak pernah berkesempatan untuk melawat kampung penulis sudah tiga tahun lamanya. Jadi, mengambil kesempatan cuti panjang yang diberikan oleh UiTM, penulis ingin meluangkan masa di sini dek kerana mungkin penulis tidak berpeluang balik ke kampung lagi pada waktu jangkamasa yang panjang.

Pada awalnya, penulis ingin pulang bersama dengan keluarga penulis sendiri kira-kira sebulan yang lalu akan tetapi disebabkan terjadinya kemalangan yang membataskan pergerakan penulis empat hari sebelum itu, maka hasrat penulis terbantut. Jadi baru sekarang penulis berada di kampung ini setelah berada di Daro dan Matu beberapa hari sebelum itu.

Sedikit sebanyak tentang latar belakang kawasan ini merupakan kampung tradisional nelayan. Disebabkan jarak yang agak jauh daripada bandar terdekat iaitu bandar Sarikei, kawasan ini hanya boleh dituju samada menggunakan bot laju yang memakan masa selama 2 jam 30 minit atau pun menggunakan jalan darat di mana ini merupakan salah satu topik yang ingin diutarakan.

DSC_0036Pak cik penulis membeli petrol yang diisi di dalam botol mineral 1.5L

Perjalanan menggunakan darat boleh memakan masa lebih daripada 5 jam mengikut kepada keadaan cuaca bermula daripada bandar Sarikei ke pekan Daro dan dari situ menyeberang ke Pulau Bruit menggunakan feri.

DSC_0037Menyedut sebatang rokok sementara menanti ketibaan feri

DSC_0038Feri yang semakin kian menghampiri

DSC_0040Feri sedang cuba untuk berlabuh

DSC_0041Keadaan di atas feri

Setelah sampai di seberang, anda harus melalui perjalanan yang panjang yang akan diakhiri dengan menyelusuri jalan bertanah di kawasan perladangan kelapa sawit sebelum tiba ke Kampung Sebako.

DSC_0044Jalan berpasir ladang yang harus ditempuhi

DSC_0045Membuang sedikit angin tayar motosikal supaya mudah untuk melalui laluan berpasir

DSC_0046Akhirnya, penulis sampai di kampung

Keadaan kampung ini boleh dikategorikan sebagai agak ketinggalan dan uzur di dalam arus pembangunan kerana tiada kemudahan asas seperti elektik dan air. Para penduduk di kampung ini cuma mengharapkan bekalan air daripada hujan yang ditadah menggunakan tangki dan sumber bekalan elektrik yang dijanakan oleh generator di mana kos sebulan bagi menghidupkan generator tersebut dengan petrol adalah sebanyak RM300 sehingga RM400 sebulan. Bagi kita yang berasal dari bandar, jikalau bil elektrik mencecah RM100 kita sudah mula bising apatah lagi dengan perbelanjaan sehingga RM400 bagi penduduk kampung yang rata-rata mereka hanya bekerja sebagai nelayan.

DSC_0110Generator yang digunakan untuk menjana tenaga elektrik

Keadaan mereka amatlah teruk jika musim kemarau tiba kerana ketiadaan air hujan yang merupakan sumber air utama bagi penduduk kampung ini. Disebabkan adanya pencemaran bahan kimia daripada baja yang mengalir dari tanah ladang kelapa sawit berhampiran menyebabkan kegatalan kalau mereka mandi menggunakan air sungai.

DSC_0111Tangki air yang digunakan oleh penduduk kampung untuk mengumpul air hujan bagi kegunaan seharian

Majoriti penduduk kampung adalah kaum Melanau dan bahasa pertuturan seharian mereka adalah bahasa Melanau akan tetapi mereka juga faham dan boleh bertutur dalam bahasa Melayu formal dan Melayu Sarawak.

Kesemua penduduk di sini menganuti agama Islam dan kebanyakan aktiviti mereka adalah menangkap ikan dan bertani. Akan tetapi, bagi aktiviti menangkap ikan adalah mengikut musim. Jika musim tersebut berangin dan laut bergelora, para nelayan tidak akan turun ke laut dan rezeki pada hari itu bergantung kepada keadaan cuaca dan laut. Ibarat kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan petang menyebabkan sesetengah nelayan turun ke laut semata-mata untuk memastikan dapur mereka berasap.

DSC_0130Pak cik penulis sedang memastikan jala dalam keadaan baik

DSC_0133Seorang lagi pak cik penulis sedang menuju ke laut

DSC_0134Dua orang budak lelaki sedang mendayung sampan ke hulu


Adakah mereka menemui rezeki pada hari itu. Penulis pun tidak pasti

Prasarana asas seperti tadika dan sekolah rendah juga terdapat di sini akan tetapi keadaan struktur sekolah di sini memang agak kurang selesa bagi proses pengajaran dan pembelajaran. Kemudahan jalan bersimen telah dibina oleh kerajaan kira-kira lebih 10 tahun yang lalu akan tetapi disebabkan tiada penyelenggaran dilakukan oleh pihak berwajib, maka keadaan jalan disini dahulunya merupakan laluan bahagian berkayu menjadi agak teruk. Tambahan pula, disebabkan laluan kampung ini bersimen, maka terdapat beberapa orang kampung yang mempunyai motosikal untuk berulang-alik dari satu tempat ke tempat yang lain.

DSC_0052Keadaan jalan yang agak uzur

DSC_0070Seorang pemuda kampung menunggang motosikalnya

Kerajaan melalui agensi dan jabatan seperti MARDI dan Jabatan Perikananan serta Kementerian Pertanian juga menyediakan beberapa binaan bagi memudahkan aktiviti pungutan hasil tani dan laut dikumpulkan akan tetapi tiadanya penyelenggaraan daripada pihak berwajib menyebabkan insfrastruktur ini berada dalam keadaan uzur dan menyebabkan ia jarang digunakan di mana ia berlawanan dengan tujuan asal untuk memberi seribu kebaikan kepada para penduduk.

DSC_0053Bilik gerakan JKKK yang tidak diselenggara

DSC_0131Keadaan pusat kegiatan yang terbiar

DSC_0118Pusat pengumpulan ladang yang uzur

Terus-terang penulis nyatakan di sini bahawa walaupun parti Barisan Nasional memenangi kawasan ini akan tetapi mereka menang disebabkan tiadanya pilihan daripada penduduk tempatan bagi memilih seseorang yang akan membangunkan kawasan ini. Kerajaan negeri tentunya tidak akan membantu kawasan Dewan Undangan Negeri ataupun Parlimen yang dimenangi oleh pihak pembangkang.

DSC_0117Megahnya bendera BN berkibar mesti disertai dengan kesungguhan usaha kepada rakyat khususnya kepada para penduduk di Kampung Sebako

Maka dengan memilih kerajaan memerintah sahajalah yang merupakan satu-satunya pilihan mereka. Jadi kerajaan haruslah melakukan sesuatu memandangkan penduduk di kawasan ini merupakan salah faktor kemenangan Barisan Nasional. Oleh itu, wajarlah penduduk di kawasan ini diberi perhatian yang wajar bagi mengatasi masalah-masalah mereka di sini.

Kebiasaannya apabila tengahari menjelang selepas menjamu selera, sesetengah penduduk mengisi masa tersebut dengan tidur tengahari tambahan pula rutin harian mereka yang sama pada setiap hari; turun ke laut atau ke kebun; menyebabkan mereka mempunyai masa yang agak terluang.

DSC_0079Datuk penulis menikmati tidur petangnya

DSC_0078Sepupu-sepupu penulis yang masih kecil menikmati hidangan buah tembikai di beranda

DSC_0083Nenek penulis

DSC_0085Sepupu penulis bersama ayahnya merangkap pak cik penulis sendiri

Bagi penyediaan makanan tengahari, penulis berkesempatan untuk menemani mak cik penulis untuk memetik pucuk paku Sarawak yakni ‘sayur midin’ yang menjadi juadah popular di Sarawak dan kepuasan terpancar di wajah penulis kerana berpeluang menikmati santapan tengahari berlaukkan sayur midin yang dipetik sendiri.

DSC_0113Mak cik penulis yang sedang sibuk memetik pucuk paku ‘midin’

Tambahan pula, penulis juga mendapat santapan istimewa pada hari itu yakni makanan laut segar dari laut hasil tangkapan bapa saudara penulis.

DSC_0137Lihatlah betapa banyaknya udang dan ikan untuk hidangan tengahari!

Tangkapan pada hari itu termasuklah ketam, udang dan yang paling istimewa udang lipan dirujuk oleh penduduk tempatan dengan nama ‘Gaya’.

DSC_0136 Ketam dan udang lipan yang berjaya ditangkap

Udang lipan merupakan daripada keluarga udang akan tetapi haiwan laut kulit bercengkerang ini mempunyai rupa bentuk yang agak pelik seakan-akan lipan.

DSC_0139Rupa fizikal udang lipan yang sememangnya hampir seakan-akan lipan

Walaupun mempunyai bentuk yang agak aneh, akan tetapi rasanya adalah lebih sedap daripada ketam dan udang. Isinya memang manis dan kental dan cara memakannya adalah dengan mematahkannya kepada dua bahagian serta mengopak kulitnya seperti kita memakan udang.

DSC_0149Keadaan rupa ketam dan udang lipan setelah dimasak untuk hidangan tengahari

DSC_0151Udang yang baru masak ini sebenarnya baru sahaja ditangkap dari laut

Bagi orang bandar, ini merupakan pengalaman yang unik bagi mereka terutamanya jika mereka belum pernah menemui haiwan unik ini.

Aktiviti pada waktu petang bagi penduduk wanita di kampung ini diisi dengan aktiviti tarian poco-poco di mana ia merupakan tarian yang popular di kalangan wanita berusia 30-an hingga yang tua. Aktiviti ini selalunya dilakukan diantara jam 4 petang hingga 5 petang hampir setiap hari kerana kebanyakan para wanita di sini merupakan suri rumah. Justeru, mereka mempunyai banyak masa yang terluang pada waktu petang sementara menunggu para suami balik dari laut.

DSC_0075Para ibu yang sedang menari tarian poco-poco

DSC_0074Pemuda kampung bersama anaknya menaiki motosikal

DSC_0071  Budak comel yang sedang menunggu ibunya dimana sedang menari tarian poco-poco

Ada juga para penduduk yang pergi ke pantai pada waktu petang untuk menangkap sejenis siput yang dipanggil siput ‘Sid’ sebagai hidangan makan malam. Penulis telah diberi kesempatan untuk merasa keenakan menikmati siput ini dan tiada gambaran penulis boleh berikan untuk menerangkan betapa enakknya rasa siput ini.

DSC_0123Beberapa orang budak menyeberangi pantai untuk menangkap siput

DSC_0127Siput Sid

DSC_0140Sebesen penuh siput Sid

Salah satu daya tarikan Kampung Sebako adalah pantainya yang indah dan pemandangan di ufuk barat pada bening petang hari amat indah sekali; seakan-akan membuatkan anda tidak ingin berganjak sehingga tenggelamnya mentari. Anda pastinya terpesona dengan pemandangan yang dihidangkan di depan mata anda dan ini merupakan salah satu pengalaman yang anda tidak akan lupakan.




DSC_0062Pemandangan yang indah daripada pantai

Sesuatu yang unik mengenai perkampungan ini adalah binaan rumah yang unik di mana mereka menggunakan asbestos sebagai bahan binaan asas terkini kerana harga kayu dan bata yang mahal. Cara binaan rumah ini juga menjadi ikutan di kawasan Daro dan Matu keranan kos binaan yang murah.

DSC_0089Salah satu rumah di Sebako yang dibina menggunakan asbestos

Bagi para pembaca yang ingin meluangkan masa percutian mereka di Kampung Sebako, terdapat kemudahan chalet yang disediakan oleh penduduk tempatan disini. Maka tiada kebimbangan yang akan timbul sekiranya anda berhasrat untuk meluangkan masa cuti anda untuk berada di sini.



DSC_0102Chalet-chalet yang terdapat di Kampung Sebako

Diharapkan dengan nukilan kali ini memberi sedikit sebanyak gambaran tentang Kampung Sebako yang sememangnya mempunyai keunikannya yang tersendiri di mata anda. Penulis juga berharap dengan beberapa pendedahan tentang kekurangan dari segi instrastruktur boleh diberi perhatian daripada pihak berwajib dengan sewajarnya demi kemakmuran kampung yang aman damai ini.