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It has been years since this feeling inside my heart didn’t show itself. You’re the first one in all these years whom successfully unlocked it after the darkness bolt it so tight until it will never reappear again; that is what I think.
I will never forget the time when I want to know you; the semester break has already started. Since you lived in a place quite far from my hometown, I gracefully let away RM10 for reload every night. Yes, your voice is much more luxurious than the value that I sacrificed every day. For two months I only hear your voice in the telephone and words by text. I try to hold myself from being emotionally attach towards you and it works; back then.
After the semester reopen, the first thing that I want to see is you but you only show up at the next day. Frankly, I feel disappointed but at the same time I looked at the bright side. I’ll definitely see you in the next day; just a little bit of patience, just a bit.
On the night I went to see you, the first thing that I want to see is your eyes. I miss those cheeky eyes of yours. The smile, the attitude and the most is the hair. Those curly wavy hair which makes me feels like to cut it and keep it to myself *weak smile*.
That week I took you out and dear, that day is one of the most of precious day that I’ve ever had. Being able to be with you all the time really warmth my heart. Since then, I have emotional attach towards you.
Yes, you already have a boyfriend and I admit that I really do not care about it at all. Then? It doesn’t stop me from winning your heart and eventually by time; I won. But your feeling is tearing into two; one for me and one for your boyfriend. But I really didn’t care about it because I know your boyfriend has atrial septal defects; a hole in the top chamber of the heart; and he needs your support during that moment.
At the same time, lots of guys are trying their luck to win over your heart but you never fall to any of them. At the same time, your friends hate me because stealing you away from your boyfriend. At the same time, I feel happy when I’m with you.
But it all change when your boyfriend passed away back in January. All the sudden you’re trying to run away from me and I kept on asking myself on the purpose you do it until Hana said these words to me that really makes me taken aback.
“For God sake Black! Her boyfriend died without knowing that all of this while his girlfriend are cheating on him! What’s wrong with you!!??”.
At that exact moment I know I have to do something. I tried to call you, texted you and even try to search for you but failed. Even when I saw you, you just ignored me or sometimes just have a little chat with me and then walk away. When I actually have the chance to talk to you; I give some room for you to be with your friends and gaining your strength back.
I can’t stop missing you. I want to be with you. I miss the way your kiss, miss the way when your hair blew by the wind, miss the way you make up and miss the way you love me too much.
Every day by day it continues the same way until I tried to replaced you with other girl. One girl to another girl, I still can’t get you out from my mind. I really miss you so much…. You may hear from people saying that Black is right now flirting with every different girl but actually I try to forgetting you because by thinking of you only suffer me more.
What happened last Thursday really made me cried. Yes, cried. When I saw you with that guy; you were laughing, smiling and looks happy; my heart sank. Hence I purposely walked by in front of you just to see what your reaction is. By the time you saw me; you cover your face with your hands. Why, because you feel ashamed towards me? Is that it?
That was the last straw. I went to my class hoping that feeling would go away but by the time I sat down; I cried. For the first time I cried because of a girl in three years. Now I know where I stand in your life. Maybe I would step back but I wouldn’t because I love you. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!
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So I would like to see how far you want to carry this out. No matter how hurt am I, no matter how suffer I am; I will always love you. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you and this words would keep on repeating itself again and again until I die.
I LOVE YOU....
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NUR AISHAH HANIM
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NUR AISHAH HANIM
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